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Nemo1014
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Name: Noemi
Birthday: 1/18/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Libros para feminism, culture, fiction, Pilipinos, music, individuals, sarcasm, realist-optimists, and an everlong analysis of life
Expertise: I don't think introspection and retrospection can be considered an expertise, but how about I just say I think too much about others in relation to myself.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit - Social Sciences
Message: message me
AIM:  nemonocomprendo
Member Since:
7/11/2003
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| SHE LIVES!I'm not an avid blog reader. I only pop onto some of them by chance thanks to google. Ever the faithful Xanga poster that I am, I don't think I could leave it. Have had it too long.
I like to think a lot of people have blogs to make a statement in the world. And yes, I may use this as my little online soap box, but mostly I've kept writing out of the paranoia that one day or any day I will die and this very Xanga will be the only remains and means for anyone to remember or get to know what kind of person I was.
At my funeral, I could see some of my closest friends reading passages from my more "inspired" posts. Vain and morbid huh? Enough of that. Yeesh.
Down to "real talk" (I put things in quotes I wouldn't normally say). Next semester will pretty much be my last at San Jose State (under the Social Science program anyway). The future is creeping up and it's doing it damn fast. ONE semester. Good Gouda.
Late bloomer that I am, I still have no clue what purpose I could serve out in the real world, but I'm taking steps to pave the way. Next week I start a short internship with the India Community Center (beautiful place) in Milpitas in the banquets department. If you're ever throwing a shindig, I HIGHLY recommend this community center. CRAP loads better than Milpitas - no offense. Many a Filipino cotillion and birthday held there. Memories.
And as for when fall hits, I'm debating between a position in Students in Service and the AmeriCorps Bridging Borders. Both offer scholarship money at the end of hundreds of hours of service, so we'll see how that goes.
Scary to think that after college, the rest of your life can be pretty planned out FOR YEARS depending on what job you land. And I love social work and community jobs. Just a good vibe off people who understand each other. No pant suits for me, thank you very much.
I'll be 23 soon. Yuck. Let's see, a year with AmeriCorps, possibly doing Peace Corps for another two years somewhere down the line, minimum of 2 years getting a master's? All just possibilities now, but decisions decisions. AGH! I feel like a lot of others are far ahead of me and I've still got this sheltered mentality. So I promise myself now, post grad, I want to get my hands on everything and just gain as much experience out there.
It's one thing reading about everything. Another being surrounded by and living through it.
Two words: scary shit. Looks like I'm a big girl now.
But don't worry - still young at heart. And looks too! Gotta love the Asian genes. Here's to tomorrow. Peace.
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| For one..My life is in some weird long transitional phase.
To what? Well, we'll see.
I was told, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."
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| What the 'eff David Blaine!?It's one fucked up world we live in. Happy Fourth Of July. This will be one of those stream of conscious posts, like your 8th grade hippy teacher tried to force you to write. Just start thinkin' and type whatever the hell comes to mind.
I just DON'T know. I'd like to believe I'm one of the thousands, nay millions, that is so privileged enough to combat depression in the American society. Yes, maybe I am!
It's simple really. The one person I wrack my mind about, and hope to God, Sheba, Allah, Buddha, that has an ounce of true love for me, is able to put all the bullshit aside and just show it in my overly disillusioned Hollywood brainwashed mind that he/she loves me.
The gestures that my illusions demand are far beyond what reality can provide. It just doesn't work that way. So fuck you Hollywood and at the same time fuck you reality.
Why? Because, after all this time, I'm twenty-two years old and still don't know what it means to be a friend. Still questioning who I am because all I see ahead of me are repeats of years before. It's more like keeping score than it is growing in search for more than being complacent. How many times am I up versus being down. Maybe if I were in a different circle? Chose another person? Chose another vein to pump myself into?
It really is too late now isn't it. Don't get me wrong, I am glad with those I surround myself with. I just hate to feel so limited. And maybe its not, if you take the perspective of fate.
I've always dreamed and thought I was destined for something more. And yes, I know, ain't nothing gonna happen unlesss I take the initiative. Oh shit..shh...I hear a fight breaking out beyond my window. "Shit this is fucking bull shit. Fucking bull shit."
Yes, I hear you "brother." We're all human looking for our own piece of mind in the wrong ass country. I REALLY want to get away, but then again so does everyone else. I wonder, if I were raised in Europe, maybe I wouldn't be so insane.
So insane to think that I half want to stomp on all these doubt demonyos and half want to hang myself for the endomorphism. Yes, I have often thought about death and killing myself in prompt ways. Problem is, I haven't left enough behind for the living to fully understand me by.
And once that HAS happened, believe you me, I'll off myself. It ain't worth it living to 85 and having barely lived. This whole consciousness thing is bullshit anyway.
I'm too cynical for my own good. I'll psycho analyze myself for shits and giggles.
I'm the stupid ass dreamer. The shy yet firm girl who craves attention, but doesn't like to say she does. Soft-spoken and irritated when no one hears her genius ideas. I know all that I am and all that I want to be, but idiotic enough to hope that someone will gladly offer me opportunity.
Guess that's the American side, idly waiting by for the chance to arise.
I can distinguish. And slowly yet painfully learn to work towards pride and genuine happiness in the totality of me.
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| Only HumanAt the end of the day:
You would hope someone ends it saying a prayer for you. Maybe sending a warm thought your way.
I always wondered who out there ends their days with me included in their last thoughts before the sandman (or woman) takes them away.
Mom? Dad? Makayla?
Maybe even Juno. Family's always there. Friends are trickier territory.
We're all so secure. Yes, even though one moment can change it all.
One moment can take someone away.
One lapse can drive someone to sever a tie.
A culmination of moments can breed an armor of distrust for a life time that'll never fully be broken.
An overly paranoid cynic like myself is hard to please, only because I expect the best especially from those I love most. Reciprocation is like a gem these days. Hard to find something genuine.
Guess I have to try harder to muster up some love.
Ha.
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| Summer of "What?"In case you're dying to know, "what is going on with that quirky little Noemi-san?" Well, after a week off and finishing Spring semester on a somewhat good note, I am back in school. Yay. Perks? Professor Choi is hilarious. Example: "You try punch me? I punch you with 'F's' " He's Chinese and speaks in that proverb-ish way. Fun times. I got a hair cut. If you've known me long enough and seen my driver's license - that's me now. I'm just a stones throw away from dressing up as Peter Pan and frolicking through the hiking trails. Something about the cut just screams "happy pixie." AND again, if you've known me long enough, I am anything but. Gas prices are high, but not enough people are asking or questioning WHY or WHAT made them that high. It just "sucks." Way to think critical supposed college educated generation. Or maybe we all DO KNOW what is actually going on and never really articulate it. My point? I want to form a bicycle gang. At the rate its going, this place'll be looking like China in no time. Bicycles everywhere. Muaha. And, it's a great way to stay in shape. I have nothing much to elaborate on except that I'm jobless, looking for internships, worried about the future, almost graduating, still questioning my purpose, enjoy learning, want to be a DIY queen, and love my ukulele. Peace out, for now. | | |
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