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NeuroticMezzo
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Name: Kendra
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Houston
Birthday: 2/7/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Tommy, reading, writing, singing, shopping, hanging out with my friends, the Chili's Bandits, attempting to play the piano, listening to musicals, watching Iron Chef, going to Wal-Mart, going to IHOP, practicing what Dr.Emler calls my "Mystery Methodism", Houston, home, OU/OSU, babies, watching old movies, watching movies with subtitles, watching plain old movies, watching Queer Eye, singing along with my radio in the car late at night, watching old Friends episodes, listening to opera, being kissed, being held, playing in the rain, doing theory homework late at night
Expertise: being a brat, spending too much money, procrastinating, hopefully music one day, Tommy-ing
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
AIM:  NeuroticProphesy
Member Since:
11/22/2004
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| Engagement(I couldn't leave it that sad, and without talking about a wonderful moment.) There are moments of clear, shining brilliance in love. Moments that stick and hold, that nourish and grow, getting you through all the darkness and monotony and mud. Love, with all its habit and ticks, is worth it for those brilliant times. The moment when he went down on one knee was like that. It wouldn't have been special on a perfect day, because love matters more on days that are imperfect. It wouldn't have been as special in front of everyone, because love needs no audience. It was perfect. I cried and laughed and screeched and couldn't stop smiling. It seems so utterly impossible that it happened the way that it did, and that almost a month afterwards, I'm still dreaming of how his eyes looked, and how his arms felt when he spun me. Our lives will not be perfect. We will fight, have problems and not speak to each other. We will also have a home and enough love to more than settle the balance of our problems. With each other, we are so much more than we are seperate. I love our chaos and mayhem and passion. And I can't wait for a lifetime of it all. | | |
| Of flakes and friendsSuffice it to say that everything is in working order. I am student teaching and loving every minute of it, and in class, loathing every minute of it. What has happened to my friends? I know that your lives are hard, and that things can be tough. But I try to be there for you, while I feel like I'm working without a net here. I need dependable, caring people in my life, and I feel so betrayed. I know its cowardly to do this here, but I can't tell you to your face, or even on the phone, because I don't want to cry and make you feel guilty, and have to lie about how its not like this. When did we stop being friends? I know you don't see it that way, but if I just want to talk to you, or see you for an hour, and you can't even be bothered to say that you're not in the mood, then I don't think we are friends any more! I miss you so much. I need you in my life, just for a couple of minutes each week, and you don't even give me that. But I also know that this is probably all just because you don't want me in your life anymore. Its astounding how much this is hurting me. I know you think I'm being ridiculous, and I understand that you're probably going to call me all sorts of names for even writing and thinking all this, but I'm just so broken hearted. I'm sure you have your reasons. But the thing is, for you, I drop everything, because who knows when you're going to decide to see me again? I feel like you're slowly cutting me out of your life, getting rid of me piece by piece, and I just can't take it. God, this is so stupid. I'm whining and carrying on, and crying to people who don't even know you about how much I miss you and how I don't understand. I should just put my big girl panties on and deal with it, but I'm not ready to give up. I really thought that our friendship was stronger and better than this. | | |
| What IfI am coming back to OKC on Wednesday. 2 days. TWO DAYS. And I just don't know if I can do it all. My questions and fears are leaving no room to think about anything else.
What if I fail my piano jury? Then I won't get to student teach or graduate in December. I'm scared, even though I practiced, that it might not have been enough.
I'm also afraid that no one understands how difficult this semester is going to be. I have to student teach, pass astronomy, pass Spanish II, and pass all 3 of my teacher certification tests that I stupidly left until this semester. Everyone wants to know when they can see me, when we can hang out, but I just don't know that I will have that kind of time. I want to be done so badly.
I have also finally realized that I made a HUGE mistake. I never should have majored in music. I know, I know, I should have realized this a long time ago. By the time I had even begun to realize the mistake I had made, a year and half were gone, which meant even more time in school as a student. I didn't have the guts to admit it and move on, and now I'm stuck trying to pass this proficiency exam that seems ridiculous.
I don't want to let everyone down. But I can feel all the what ifs of my time at OCU blinding and blocking me until its all I can see. What if I had made different choices? How different would my life be?
Its pointless, I know. I just feel so trapped.
And I forgot to tell my mom and dad that I'm leaving on Wednesday, which only makes me feel worse. I just... I think it was a subconscious thing about not wanting to go back. But there's nothing I can do now. I just have to pray that I can make it through one more semester.
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| Sleepy TimeIn my search for ways to fall asleep easier, I created a sleepy time mix on Tommy's computer, and I discovered several things after we went to bed:
1. I cannot fall asleep to music.
2. I am a music snob.
3. Tommy could sleep through anything.
Allow me to explain. I just can't fall asleep to music. I don't know why, but I just can't, even though I picked all that music. I was singing along in my head, or in the case of the high-brow instrumental stuff, I was following the music on the imaginary score in my head. There is no excuse for my snobbery, but I will try to blame the (sometimes) good people at the Wanda L. Bass School of Music. Stupid education. He really could. There some musical moments that were not soothing at all, but he slept on. I marvel at him. Oh well - back to the drawing board (you know, the itunes playlist). | | |
| Loose EndsDear Erin and Robby, Just when you thought school was over... So, after midterms this past semester, me and pretty much the rest of the 20th century music class realized that our professor wasn't grading our article responses. In fact, we doubted that he was even looking at them. With this assumption in mind, we all decided (individually, not collectively) that it wasn't worth it to write the responses anymore. Skip ahead to the week after finals. Every one of us found an e-mail from said professor, giving us until June 1 to write the responses and e-mail them in. The real trouble didn't begin until we all signed onto ecollege, where all the articles were posted, to find that the site had been taken down. Luckily, I found one person - one genious person! - who saved all the articles on her computer. Now, I'm sitting in front of the computer writing the responses. Two down, two to go. There is a strange sort of irony in all this, and I'm kind of glad the professor caught us. I didn't want to go through the rest of my life thinking he was a total schmuck, and this restores my belief that the teacher is always smarter than the student. Yesterday, I took an epic three-hour nap. I was passed out, drooling, the works. It wasn't as good as our To Wong Foo nap, but it was pretty good for a solo nap. I am in love with the new Bluebell flavor, Southern Hospitality. Its homemade vanilla with pineapple, a strawberry swirl, and pecans. Its like frozen Paula Deen. And now I definately need to go get some. love,
Kendra | | |
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