Funny Family Guy Quotes and Short Conversations!!! (dont steal them ill get mad!)
Lois Griffin : Peter, what did you promise me last night?
Peter Griffin : That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois Griffin : And what did you do?
Peter Griffin : Drank at the stag pa -... Whoa! I almost walked right into that one.
Peter Griffin : Holy crip, he's a crapple.
Stewie Griffin : No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
[Riding a circus elephant]
Peter Griffin : Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.
Stewie Griffin : [to ticket agent] Now listen to me...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie Griffin : Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.
Lois Griffin : Peter. You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin : Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
Peter Griffin : Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian Griffin : Peter, those are Cheerios.
Tom Tucker : Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons : Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[they laugh]
Cameraman : You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]
Doctor : Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin : Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin : Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor : ...Can't it be both?
Meg Griffin : You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death : Well that would just leave England.
Li : Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin : I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."
Stewie Griffin : Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Lois Griffin : Meg, can you change Stewie?
Meg Griffin : Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.
Peter Griffin : Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
[the Griffins have inherited a mansion. Stewie is being waited on]
Stewie Griffin : You. Cut my eggs.
[waiter cuts his eggs]
Waiter: Your eggs are cut sir.
Stewie Griffin : Now cut my milk.
Waiter: Uh,I can't sir, it's liquid.
Stewie Griffin : [slaps him] IDIOT. Freeze it, then CUT it. And if you ever question me again, I shall put you on diaper detail. And believe me, I will not make it easy on you.
[Stewie and Brian are trying to sleep in a motel, a drug deal is heard in the next room]
Drug Buyer: You got the stuff?
Drug Dealer: Yeah I got it, where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money.
Drug Buyer: No, no, no, you don't see the money 'till I see the stuff.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, for God's sake, does anyone wait to put an end to this nuisance.
[yelling]
Stewie Griffin : HE'S WEARING A WIRE.
Drug Dealer: What? You son of a...
[gunshots are heard following by a "body drop" sound effect]
thats just a few i have like 100 more! lol later
| 
lol yeah in bluejay hour i brought my pillow case and garrett was messing with it and then mrs lofthus came over and put my pillow case over his head and on his body!
! LOL and then like all day me and bret were punching eachother man that was fun. 
he said i was hurnting him so i had to stop lol.
and i think him and cody might come over but i have no clue. knowing boys lie alot.. they probably wont. 
later losers
