In other words
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
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It's nice to be in a familiar place. My last year at Brenau. I love my housemates, and I'm excited to see what God will do here in House 530. I have no idea how it will all work out with the ministry and how it will involve the house, but for some reason I'm sensing it will involve sharing meals with people. And I'm excited about cooking them. The meals, that is. Not the people. That would be awkward. Honestly, coming back was really hard. God laid out such a huge promise spring semester, and when summer starting winding down, I realized that God's promises were impossible in man's eyes. They were starting to look impossible in mine because I was starting to believe lies.
And now encouragement is rising. God is steadfast.
Thesis is a little whelming. Not overwhelming yet. Just whelming.
Here are my little furry friends for those of you who haven't met them:
Lucy (Right) and Ethel (Left). Seriously. They are awesome little Robo Hamsters.
Pretty much any excuse to talk in baby voice to something with fur is awesome. They have a sweet hamster penthouse.
Monday, July 28, 2008
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Not knowing
I'm a pack rat. An unorganized one at that. One of the few aspects of my life that's not alphabetized and ordered. Everything means something to me. Well, not everything. Just unused napkins, dried flowers, crumbly pictures, tattered envelopes with familiar letters, faded movie ticket stubs, parking permit stubs, cheap unread books, tie-dyed tshirts too tiny to wear, PEZ dispensers with crystallized candies. In a way, those little trinkets, big and small, are reflections of me. Myself. Who I've become and how I've gotten here.
Yesterday I found that it's much easier to clean house if I know where I'm going. To pack away some things to laugh at later, give out the salvage, and toss out the rest without tearing a little. But when I don't know where I'm going, what's next, then I cling to those trinkets with my Kung Fu death grip.
Then the question is this: Am I unwilling to sacrifice self when I don't know what's next? When my full security is in Christ's destiny, His sacrifice and His glory, do I embrace Him as security, or do I Kung Fu death grip my self-stuff?
I'm afraid that I embrace my self-stuff, because my answer depends on this daily question: "Whitney, but who do you say that I am?" (Luke 9:20).
"The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribdes, and be killed and be raised up on the third day" (Luke 9:22). When I come to terms with who He is, I have to recognize His sacrifice.
Thus, His call to sacrifice my self-stuff... "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to safe his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake, he is the one who will save it" (Luke 9:23-24).
... when all along the "where" is death, but the "Who" is much more significant.
Friday, July 25, 2008
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Just the basics.
So next week is the last week of my first level II fieldwork placement. 12 weeks. And I can't say that I will greatly miss it. It's been quite an eye-opening experience. Working with the possibility of death on a daily basis is more challenging in more ways than I ever expected. Eternity becomes so real seeing people breathing their last breaths, if you can call full ventilator support breathing. And peace, or lack thereof, becomes undeniably evident.
And the "system" is just so broken. Healthcare. Humanity without a relationship with its Creator.
I'm ready for a break.
We're planning next summer level II, and quite frankly, it gives me a headache. There's a possibility of working with children at an orphanage in China. The chance of a lifetime in China that kind of freaks me out a little, to be honest. May be working at a community clinic in the Yucatan. I am really praying for doors to continue to open for Mission Waco, which would be phenomenal. And if that doesn't work out, there's the outpatient clinic in Macon, which would enable me to set some roots in Macon and be involved with Antioch, if that's where God puts us. And the possibility of working with a summer sensory integration program in North Georgia. Lots of choices. I'm not worried. Not after surviving this summer...
I'm moving out of the Rane home and living at home for the next 4 weeks. That will be challenging. I will definitely miss living with Kate, Hollis, Lesley, and Keith. I'm concerned about what will happen without a strong Christian influence in the home, though. These kids a growing up so fast, but spiritual growth is stagnant. Lots to do after fieldwork-- children's paintings, sewing dresses for Hollis and Kate, crocheting for the babies, starting to make fall and winter clothes. I need to get outside and breathe some smog-free air. I need to get lost and find my way. Spend some time with Jonathan without having fieldwork in the back of my mind. See my family at New Life. I feel like it's been forever. I've actually been at Antioch more than I've been with New Life, which has been a wee bit different.
So, I guess this post was just more about me trying to organize my thoughts. Thanks for participating in the process.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
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Guns and Words.
So it's a big deal that congress has chosen to enforce the "right to bear arms," and the headlines around Atlanta have focused on how this "new" ruling affects the safety of MARTA, our public transportation system. People are hyperventilating about how they don't feel safe anymore-- scared someone's going to get mad about person from gang A taking person from gang B's seat and person A's going to shoot. As if person A wouldn't have had a gun on his person if it weren't allowed?
I'm not a fan of violence and its common tools, but I guess you can see where I stand on the issue. Are there not more important fish to fry? You know?
So my supervisor was making a huge deal about it and saying he no longer felt safe on MARTA (did you feel safe on MARTA beforehand anyway?). Then he turns around and starts badmouthing one of the other therapists behind her back and mocking a patient. Discouragement knocked on my door. Discouragement has been biting at my heels this summer.
Why is it that we are so afraid of guns and bullets but so unaware of the power of our words? The power of our words to harm AND the power of our words to heal? Niceties aren't enough and negatives just get old. It's much easier to control a gun. There's a safety lock. But without a dose of self control with the Holy Ghost, how are you going to tame your tongue?
Monday, May 19, 2008
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Sometimes God's goodness is so real to me that all I can do is laugh.
Sometimes after a long day, I stare at a wall.
Sometimes I think the most effective form of birth control is living with a four year old and an eighteen month old all summer to remind me of the gift of abstinence.
So there you go.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
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No Parables
Allure me. Call me out.
Into the desert
To satisfy my thirst
With Your streams.
Voice of truth and peace and life
Call me out.Speak to me, no parables
Face to face, just me and You.
Call to me, as lovers do.
Say my name
As only You can do.See, I've followed You
From far away
Far too long.
Your voice I know,
But this child
Longs to see Your face.So speak to me, no parables
Face to face, just me and You.
Call to me, as lovers do.
Say my name
As only You can do.I yearn to walk in the garden with You
In Spirit and in TruthSo speak to me, no parables
Face to face, just me and You.
Call to me, as lovers do.
Say my name
As only You can do.--Mark 4:30-41
Monday, April 07, 2008
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Doesn't seem to make sense, does it? Some days more than others, I'm caught off guard by exactly how much I am loved.
That I should love God? That's completely understandable (but miraculous in its own way, Romans 1). That when I screwed up my ability to love Him, He died to resurrect it? Of course I should love Him. That I would love Him because He first loved me (1 John).
But that God would love me? Now that's a miracle. That He would make me, intending fully for He and I to simply love eachother. Because He first loved me.
It's all so intricately inseparable, love is. He loves, so I love, so He loves, and I love.
Selah.
Friday, February 22, 2008
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Old.
"'Alas! And did my Savior bleed' but not for us to have a successful life in a world that is temporary and fading fast. No, He arose to triumph over it and share the victory. Because creation groans for His long awaited reign, I can't help adding my harmony to the music. May be it takes weeks like this to remind me of my created nature-- to remind me that I am not exempt from creation. Make me groan with anticipation, and may be one we'll be of one accord in our groaning."Peace.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
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The stars get a solo tonight. Sorry, Mister Moon.
God is good.
It's the anniversary of John Glenn's orbiting the earth for the first time.
Pretty good. But I'd say God's still got us humans beat. You know. Since He created it all. Redeemed it. And whatnot.
It's a good night for Tom Petty and Nickel Creek and may be some John Denver. Not all at once, of course.
Jedi fixed the whimpy water pressure in our shower. Now I can commence falling asleep in the shower again. Safely, of course. Hot water AND decent water pressure. Wow.
I can smell sleep approaching. Can you smell sleep?
I think the International Space Station needs occupational therapists...
Sunday, February 17, 2008
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Stinky and a slinky.
Home and all my clothes therein stink like an atomic spill of expensive men's cologne again. Will is back home. He's working at a mortgage company and just interviewed for night manager or something like that at Gold's Gym in town.
This morning I saw Will's Bible on the counter before I went to New Life, the first time I've seen it since middle school. He and mom went to church at First Baptist together, and he didn't really understand why I don't go there anymore. I can't wait until the day that God has us united at one church. It won't be long, and I believe I'll see it before He moves me wherever it is He's moving me.
God spoke life and unity into my family through Pastor Joseph this morning. Three daffodils recently bloomed right next to the foundation of the house and a fourth is on the brink. Coincidence? I think not.
God is up to something, isn't He? And my family is conveniently all under the same roof again. Kind of.
And just for grins, here's a new picture of my Hollis. It was P-day at preschool, so she wore her pink pajamas. Slinky is classic. Aluminum is better...but "plastic" begins with a "P."
Connect
Whitney, Lulu, Whitniss, Whit, Whit-wey whatever...
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I'm best friends with my heavenly Dad, who also happens to be a King. It's pretty sweet. I live to love and love to live and love pretty much anything that's a pallindrome. Especially purple sunsets, even though they're not pallindromes. I just wish they weren't so fast to fade.
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