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| time flys when you are having fun. so many things happened but basicly nothing happened. all i ever do is school and then see Roger...sigh... it sound so boring... but somehow time jsut go sooo fast. hehe.. we been thorugh sooo much now. a lot of good things happened. um.. like his birthday, new year, valentine, etc.... hehe it was all fun... could we last forever this way... haha i dun think so... but it's nice to dream about it. so far, we are still very loving... he's going to canada the coming weeken.. i am gonna be lonely..but it's okai... hahah because he's going there for mah b day present...lol...nice.. i hope he get meeh something good...lol... but yeah so far everything is okai.. sigh... i miss church.. haven't been there for soo long.. i should go back!! | | |
| what is guilt? do u have guilt? did u ever regret doing or not doing something... think about how it might affect ur future? if u do or didn't do dat some thing.... how would ur life be rite now... happier? or might be worst? sigh... all this i have in my mind rite now.... i have guilt, but i totally let mah self out of it.... but is dat good... i should suffer from mah gulit... rite? what would happen if i didn't go out with anyone............ did i regert? sigh i dun want to answer.......... | | |
| sigh... jsut got back from school... sorta skip.. but iam not feeling well... mah fever jsut cool down... but still having a hard time to breath.... and mah head... sigh... i am starting to feel sorry for mah self again... haha.. come on... how could i not... i was sick and having the fever on and off for over 2 days... mah weeken.... ~~ and i gotta work while mah fever went up to about 100 degree~ thanks god it's jsut kinda the on and off like.... sooo werid, it went up like very high and then like an hour later... it go back down... it was not comportable... mah body is going crazy too... sometimes hot and sometimes cold like.... sigh... jsut sad.. even thought i have to work... it okai... beacuse i didn't really do much.... Roger was there so he make meeh sit most of the time and he take care of every thing for meeh.... i was very moved.. but he was very worry... lol... he call mah sister to ask about the family doctor and tell her to ask mah dad to make a doc appointment for meeh....and the whole time i jsut watch him busy with mah job... when i am getting pay at the end of the month and he isn't... i felt bad.. but at the same time i felt happy i guess it's good to have someone who could actully take care of you.... now u know why i choose an older guy now... lol... i still remember people complaining to meeh that he's too old for meeh and all that other stuff...but i really dun think he's dat much older than i am... he can be such a kid... retarted kid ... lol.. but of course dat lil jerk is sooo cute sometime.... he's soooooooo caring when i am sick... i mean extra caring... since mah fever's down.. he went back to the normal way~~ now iam not use to it... dang... he spoile meeh~~~ | | |
| I been thinkin about mah life lately.... even rite now i think mah life is sooo horrible... ( some parts) i am still very lucky plus happy.... on the school bus today.. i was jsut sitting there trying to remember how i was like when i was a kid back then living in China .... i always tell people all the bad thing i went throught... and today i thought of all the good things.... i remember i went to a school in guang zhou... and mah bad works in a cooking school.... he 's one of the teachers there... i was the only kid in dat place.. i remeber every after school, i will walk to mah dad's work place and hang with all those older sisters and brothers.. i got a lot of attention form them because they think i am cute.. haha... all the teachers in dat school loves meeh.. i remember whenever i have hw problems i will always lookin for them and ask for help.... and they always help and always always buy meeh stuff.... take meeh out to eat... i was sooo spoile and lucky.... even the prinsible of dat school which is mah dad's boss loves meeh too... hehe.. he's very young... when ever he came back to school he would buy meeh candy or give meeh money... i miss all of them so much.... i heard the school was close down.... sigh... the memories went by mah head jsut a movie... mah heart sink.... why?? it really happened to meeh... but it deosn't seem real... wat is real...now? wat is now... i am very confuse... i jsut notice dat i am wasting my life , my time... things are always good when u look back... why can't i ever learn to chreish?? i jsut let things pass.... i remember when i was kid... i hav a friend who always holding hands and walk home with meeh... i wonder wat happened to her... would she remember meeh?? sooo many questions ... i really want to go back to china and find all of them... all of mah freinds and all the people who took care of meeh................ i miss them sooo much ........ | | |
| Time sure pass by fast without meeh noticing it at all.... it's almost the end the the 1st semester and i havne't really work hard on school~~ i am turing bad... or is it that i am also dat bad.... Roger and i been dating for almost 5 month.... (5th month on the 14th ) but i dunno if things are really working out.... at least not rite now.... well.. maybe.... i dunno... i am such a disppointing person.... somehow i feel like i put too much time on my relationships and work....i dun have much friends left anymore  sigh... but yeah.. i am still happy with him... and i m glad dat he's still here and haven't give up on meeh yet... lol... do u know how many times i call him and tell him i wanna break it off.... i can't believe there is actully a guy dat can take all of my bad tempers... but iam glad he haven't give up and still supporting meeh al the way.....  but yeah iam quiting my job~~ Finally... i been workin in dat stupid cake store for almost forever to meeh... man.. now i dun have income to stupport meeh every month, i wonder how i can maintain my happiness... my shopping is out of control!!! everytime i feel like depress... i start buyin all those things i dun need... see that's how gurls gone broke~~ but oh well... i guess i ahve to start learning how to save money... i hope it's not tooo late. but yeah... saw some people couple days ago... remind meeh a lot about my past... u know.. i actully miss it.... heheh... even all those may seem like bad things, but there are some sweetness and innocent it them. alot of them remind meeh how cute and adorable and innocent i actully was... hahah... now i am jsut plain lazy and jsut miss something....
for those who are really worry about meeh.... thanks... but i can make it on my own... dun worry about meeh~~~ lol... it's not dat i am gonna die soon lol... so stop wasting ur tear on meeh... lol... it's no big deal... even if i fall down hard... i can still stand up, jsut take time.. so please dun rush meeh... i want to do thing on my own speed... but thanks for caring thought  | | |
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