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NicktheEloquent
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Name: Nick
Metro: Cincinnati
Birthday: 5/4/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: South Park, The Office, Cincinnati Bengals football, Detroit Red Wings Hockey, People in general (with an emphasis on women), salvation in general, Paul Apostle of the Heart Set Free, Books Books Books, Jim Snyder classes, firearms, weapons, Pressure Point Fighting, family, friends, family friends, friendly families, and corn production.
Expertise: Making Fun of People, Making People Mad, Making People Laugh, Acting Stupid punctuation
Occupation: Grad Student, Doorman/Valet
Message: message me
AIM:  DaCardinal04
Member Since:
9/22/2005
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| King McDouche and SuperchatchAs is my common practice, this most recent Friday I went home to run some errands and see my mother, and go shopping with said mother. When we go shopping we typically go to lunch as well. On this particular occasion due to various veto's of other places by myself and my sister, who joined us, we ended up lunching at Applebees. No problems so far, but as we entered the establishment I noticed two Gentlemen at the bar. Again nothing out of the ordinary except its 12:30 on a Friday afternoon and these guys already have several under their belts. Unfortunately the story doesn't end there and the two gentlemen slowly spent the next hour revealing that they are indeed King McDouche and Superchatch. The restaurant was playing cheesy pop radio at a moderate volume, and so it happened that my sister and myself ended up singing Styx's "Babe" at a slightly less than moderate volume. During the course of the duet I noticed that some people in the next booth over were getting slightly annoyed at our vocal stylings, so I continued at a louder volume. It was then that King McDouche looked over his shoulder and started to try and intimidate me, but then wisely saw the futility of this action and changed his mind. By the time we left I was wishing he had started a fight with me, at least that would have been over fast. Instead I got to listen to his and his buddy's witty reparte as they shamelessly flirted with the bartender who was approximately ten years tounger than them (I'm guessing) and did so with a level of "game" so similar to junior high that for a moment I thought I was at a CCU open dorm. But the piece de resistance was to occur right before I departed, sane only by the grace of God and having not suffered a stroke only due to my youth. What follows is a direct quote to help you realize what I was listening to; to set up the context the two kings of crunk had recognized that there was a light out above the bar. "You know, size matters. Even in light bulbs." And of course you know the rest of the story, without missing a beat the bartender ripped off her trousers and proceeded to throw her underwear at the gentleman while straddling the bar and talking dirty with her eyes. And if you think that really happened you are a thirteen year old male. Somehow the bartender managed to not laugh in his face, I managed not to have an aneurysm, and the world managed to keep spinning. Wow. The sheer stupidity of the above quote is nearly immeasurable. To illustrate lets examine something that I heard a guy I had just met whose name I don't remember say one time: "A euphemism could mean anything. YEAH BOYS!!! I'M GOING TO GO HOME A PUT TOGETHER A 500 PIECE JIGSAW PUZZLE WITH HER TONIGHT." Ok fine, you're trying to get what I assume you thought was an attractive woman to think about the size of your penis. I sort of understand that. So you pull out your go-to imagery, (drum roll) the light bulb. WTF??? The light bulb? I think we missed a stop on the logic train. This line is so stupid that it sounds like a line that I would make up and use as a joke to set up Nate or Jason for a "Thats what she said!" So naturally this all got me thinking about women again (most things do eventually) and pick up lines. I'm convinced its all about who is delivering the line and not what they say. This is a natural extension of ladder theory. If a woman likes the guy it doesn't matter what he says; he could claim to be a drug addict looking for someone to use and forget and she wouldn't care, especially if he looks rich. If she doesn't like the guy he could say the most charming, clever thing imaginable and she would probably make a comment about his lack of maturity before storming off to complain to her friends. Clearly the bartender wasn't impressed (not that I can blame her), although in this case the guy deserved a good verbal slaughtering. But he didn't get one because he hadn't tipped the bartender yet. I guess this was mostly a rant, but speaking as a person who can say a lot of impressive things; its nice to know that it doesn't matter what I say. | | |
| The Lenten SeasonAs today is Ash Wednesday, I thought I would spend some time talking about the value of giving something up for Lent. Rather than busting some Catholic praxis on your ass that you could look up if you cared, I will simply give some of my underrated opinions on the subject. I hear a lot of people around the school making jokes about Lent and giving things up mostly because of the anti-Catholicism that exists at our school, and it makes me cringe. This time of year, the month before easter, is a time where one can use the practice of giving up something for Lent and abstaining from red meat on Fridays to give one's self a practical reminder of the temptation of Jesus Christ in the wilderness. Lets say that you take this seriously and give up a food item that you really prefer. Everytime you want that, you have a framework for thinking about Christ. Practical illustrations always work the best. One time for Lent a couple of years ago I decided that I was going to do a complete fast on Fridays during Lent, and that worked out great. The Lenten season is a chance to incorporate some spiritual discipline in to your life. At least understand what you are making light of. I think that this year I am giving up milk for Lent, it is quite possibly my favorite drink. And seriously, try it! I think that you will find it beneficial if you abstain from something you enjoy this Lenten season. ***Also regarding the anti-Catholicism at our school, I simply say the following: Catholics are candidates for education, not evangelism; much like the entirety of Protestant Christendom. They are not a cult. They have nearly TWO THOUSAND YEARS of Christian tradition. They are Christians. The sooner you realize this the sooner you can embrace your Christian brothers. Of course they have some strange theological positions and liturgical practices, just like every other denomination and sect of Christianity that has ever existed INCLUDING THE STONE-CAMPBELL MOVEMENT. Get off your high horse and open your eyes. | | |
| The Year of TyrannyAnd it came to pass that the year of Nick growing out his hair ended and there was much rejoicing. A mere 365 days ago I was shiny bald, this morning I woke up this morning with a mop of tangles and hair down to my mouth. I kept some of it, mostly on the top, and I might have some pictures on Facebook eventually (maybe) but its very liberating. Hopefully this will put the dream of long hair behind me. I'm not going to shave it right away, I want some input about that. But I feel that most likely it will be shaved again by the summer. Also I'm flat out destroying my homework this semester. I'm not even taking names. Seriously, I need to read about 250 more pages and then all I'll have left is two research papers and two and a half months to do them. Its exciting. Holla, Nick | | |
| The CrunchAnd so it comes about that the holiday season is upon us which means that all students are currently busting their collective asses trying to finish all the work they should have been doing the past 2 months, but I don't need to tell most of you that.
So it also comes about that the time when we focus on family for the holidays also comes about, which means that we think about how ridiculous we can be to the people closest to us, but I don't need to tell you that.
It further comes about that late Autumn and Winter are upon us and with them comes snow and with snow comes ridiculous displays of terrible driving and even worse decision making, but I don't need to tell you that.
Finally it comes about one of the two times of the year when the mainstream media gets interested in Christianity, which means that some scholar will tell me about how important the Nag Hammadi texts are through some witles reporter, but I don't need to tell you that.
What do I need to tell you? This is from William Romanowski's book Eyes Wide Open,
“And so all
people of goodwill ought to be concerned with the cumulative impact of a steady
diet of American movies that often exalt self-interest as the supreme human
value, glorify violent resolutions to problems, make finding the perfect mate
ones primary vocation and highest, and offer material prosperity as the most
reliable source of meaning and satisfaction in this life.”
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| I Guess SoLots of upsets this weekend in college football, that at least made things a bit more pleasant than usual, with Louisville and the Bengals both losing the last 2 weeks I was hating football for a while. I hate myself a little bit when I get worked up about sports, but I like to think of myself as loyal because of my reactions, like earlier I watched the Cubs one-hit the Reds with a ginormous Cubs fan next to me complaining about seat space on the bleachers and a drunk cubs fan 2 rows up. Except for Jason I was surrounded by Cubs fans, all of whom stood up every time the ball was hit out of the infield, which did wonders for my view. No matter, it was good to hang out with Jay, I really enjoy that guy.
Friday I went home and did some work with my Dad, the previously referenced (last year) Fall fire-wood saw up. This entails sawing up a couple of wagon loads of fire-wood for the wood stove that Dad keeps in the basement, it also entails a lot of throwing, heavy lifting, rolling, and taking in approximately 10 lbs. of sawdust through the various openings in your face; but I enjoy it because I get to hang out with my Dad and help him out with some farm stuff, which I hardly ever get to do.
You know, kids are goofy. Thats just all there is to it. When I was a kid helping my Dad and Pappaw I hated all the work I had to and I swore up and down that I would never be a farmer because it was too much work. Looking back I think about how great I had it. Granted my life isn't especially taxing (thats a pun, I'm paying 2 years worth of tax this year, its fun) right now, my job is such that I do pretty much nothing, all I really have to do is pay bills and do school work (which is wearing me down hardcore right now). I guess I'm starting to get anxious about the next stage in my life because the current one is (probably) going to be closing about a year and a half. And I can't help but think how nice it would be to be a farmer for a while, just working the land and doing some here and there odd jobs etc. Honestly, if I was a little more settled (read: not still looking for "Her") and you could make a decent living farming anymore I'd probably just farm for a while. Unfortunately you can't make a decent living and I'm not a little more settled. But its still fun to think about, and working with Dad the other evening made me a little jealous of my Dad, because he got to work side-by-side with his Dad from when he was about 12 till about a year ago (Pappaw can't really work anymore). I guess I got some of that too.
I've been asking for guidance for the next stage of my life for a while now and I don't feel like I'm getting many answers from God, or anywhere else really. I'm not somebody who has to have a plan for everything, but for major things I would like to know a little bit in advance. The main thing right now is a PhD. Yes or no? If yes where and when, also how (financially). If no, then what, where, when, and how. It would be pleasant to know all these things. I've always maintained that when it comes to life I'm just along for the ride. I say this because most of my attempts to steer have produced eventful and wasteful detours. I feel like I'm always caught somewhere between being an ingrate and not asking for what I need. Need vs. Want is also a big theme in my head most of the time. Even discussing this, I think causes some conflict within me, because I've never been left in the lurch before, but I'm always worried about such an event occurring.
I guess I still have trust issues. I don't feel like I'm asking for that much, but then again I never do.
Nick
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