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Nijuunigou
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Name: Señorita Houston
Country: United States
Birthday: 5/25/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: <3
♥Art
♥Anime
♥Photography
♥Matchbox 20
♥Softball
♥When Harry Met Sally
♥Star Wars
♥Writing
♥Fall Out Boy
♥The Phantom Of the Opera
♥Far East
♥Ewan McGreggor
♥Study of various Religions
♥Art History
♥Psycology
♥Ninjas
♥Various Assasin Weapons
♥Geishas
♥Greek Mythology
♥Art Symbolism
♥Reading
♥The 80's
♥ POP CULTURE
Expertise: *♥dootling better than you
*♥Smiling
*♥Annoying people
*♥being late
*♥forgetting
*♥owning
*♥having the tallest BUTT eva
*♥Playin softball
*♥falling
*♥playing air music
*♥Dancing to the beat of my own drum
*♥Squaking
*♥being lazy
*♥fixing stuff
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  InvaderChicklett
MSN: radical_rainbow_ninja_hol@hotmail.com
MSN: strange_laugh@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  twinkerbellelane
Member Since:
2/27/2005
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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| coming undoneThe same black line that
was drawn on you
is drawn on me
**********
The Hol is Currently:
Feeling: Alone, hyper, anxious
Watching: National Treasure- book of secrets
Listening to: Bed- J. Holiday
Thinking about: Going to hope tomorrow
**********
I don't update this like I used to, and I think its because I let my thoughts build up and collect. Or perhaps I don't have the motivation to write my thoughts like I used to.
I feel like I'm growing up really fast all at once, and its scary.Pop corn is the shittiest thing ever. I swear to God. It never pops all the way or it burns. Maybe I'm just popcorn retarded.
I don't want to go to class tomorrow. God.
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| G is for GreatGoodnessThats why papa says she'll never get married.
**********
The Hol is Currently:
Feeling: Anxious to get home
Watching: The Prince of Egypt
Listening to: Cocaine - Strata
Thinking about: Going to bed soon, because I'll hate myself in the morning if I don't.
**********
I know I haven't updated in a while, though I have tried to write several times.
I'm at this period of my life where I am so used to my own rules in life that coming home seems like more of a terrible chore than anything. I feel uprooted from everything I know and enjoy and love.
Lately I work like a slave. I love working at Birch Tree, God knows I do, I just can't work 18 days straight without a day off. I think they have it out for me or something because I am exhausted and I have been here a little over a week. I just want Christmas to get here and get over with so I can get back to where I feel at home and belong.
I thought to myself the past few days that one of these days I'm going to use these journal entries as some sort of reference for this great all American perfect sappy romance musical/movie I feel the world needs to have. Yes all Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20 songs...because the beetles are just overrated seriously.
I always use this time of year for reflection, as it comes to a close. I've made a few mistakes, had a run in with drugs, and trouble, went through extreme depression, switched schools, picked myself up, got an awesome job, figured out what I wanted to do with my life, found a wonderful man to be with, and it all seems pretty freakin' perfect where I'm sitting.
The Prince of Egypt always makes me cry. I feel like my spirit is starving, but...I make excuses about going to church for my guilty conscience. It makes me feel like people are burrowing into my skull, and all the angel figurines are looking at me with disgust. I still talk to God though, and I pray, and I'm pretty sure we're cool and that he still loves me. Well, thats stupid, he'll always love me...even though I have drug history, and made horrible mistakes, and went down a self-destructed path. The one constant in the equation of life.The one stable rock to stand upon.
I feel like I've done a total 180 in my life when I think about things. I feel like I'm a better student, and surprise myself at times at some of the decisions I make and there level of maturity. I look at the life Jacob and I have together, and see a glimpse of the future...whether I can grab it or not, I can't say.
Perhaps one day.
One day, I hope.
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| F is for Fuck MeTheres a light on
In Chicago
And I know I should be home
**********
The Hol is Currently:
Feeling: Slightly buggered
Watching: Nothing
Listening to: First time - Life House
Thinking about: Regressing
**********
You know what? Fuck you.
I love that word. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. It just seems SO right to use in so many situations. Whether its when I'm angry getting paid, or horny getting laid, its my verb, adjective, and noun.
or rather FECK.
E is the vowel of this century. Clearly.
Ok. Now that I've gotten the profanities out of my system, time for an update. Stamps are 41 cents now correct? Damn. thats just 9 cents shy of half a dollar. I remember a dime ago when you could buy over three stamps with a dollar. Now we're just at two for one?
wtf US govmnt.
wtf.
Life is good. I'm making it good. I refuse to accept badness as a sign of stupidity on my part.
because I rock. Hard. Out loud. And I don't make life changing mistakes. NOT AT ALL. I'm going to get dedicated to other things besides the seratonin. Besides the oxytocin and the mind blowing sex. I'm going to do other things, that pertain to my education. Yes I can see it now.
Why do I feel so stupid in class all the time?
I CAN DO THIS DAMNIT!
I can get my degree
and I can support myself
and I can pump myself up because I don't need anyone.
again
fuck you all that say I do.
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| E is for ExecutedKiss your apocalypse
one one last time
**********
The Hol is Currently:
Feeling: Icky
Watching: Nothing
Listening to: Ave Maria - Harry Conick Jr.
Thinking about: Class in 50 minutes V_V
**********
I am not an appreciator of anonymousness, though I have my speculations. So, I can shortly say, no I don't feel bad for hurting some people, because in the scheme of things they deserve it. They might even deserve an even worst degree than I can give. I pass judgment, and leave. Fire is pretty, and fun to dance with until it burns you. In that light, I am like fire. You can't bend me to your will, and you can't cage me in. I'm your friend until you infringe on me.
Today has been ill. It pained me to spend $80 on stuff for Biology class. I hate science, and would much rather that have gone towards the drawing board I am still in need of. Its amazing. I need a job so badly.
Graphic Design could be a disaster. It could've been today, however was not.
Jacob showed me his whole life this weekend. All this stuff, and kept me thoroughly entertained. I was appreciative of that, because I'm used to either one extreme or the other. All attention, or none at all. This happy middle straddling the fence is a nice change.
I hope I got some good pictures too. Please oh please.
New camera.
Thats what else I need. God.
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| G is for GoddessCan I be your Yellow?
Will you be my Stripe?
**********
The Hol is Currently:
Feeling: Not tired when I should be
Watching: Dirty jobs
Listening to: The oldish mix
Thinking about: Crawling into bed so I can watch him sleep
********** I am still in shock that I have actually obtained a good life. Other than the fact that I have been disgusted with myself for the events and the worthless casual fling love relationship I selfishly persued this Summer. God. I am my own worst enemy. Anytime I feel like I should be vengeful it only comes up and whips my ass and usually makes me feel like a dirty whore.
Or a bad friend.
Never bad offspring though. The waves of fortune
Don't roll the same? I think this might be the October to break the cycle of the last three shitty ones I've had. I'm happy for that. I finally have the reigns and feel really in control of things for once. I ran away from drug addiction, and partying like a rock star, and I ran away from all those fucking low-life people that drug me down into hell on earth. I ran away from the fights at home, and I ran away from fucking Arkansas Tech, and fucking Johnson County, and Logan County. I put on my tennis shoes, and ran like I would never exaust. I pushed, and persevered, and I feel proud about what is going on now, because I know I fought for it.
I fought mom, for it. I fought my family for it. I fought my self doubt for it. And now, every morning I wake up next to this beautiful person. I wake up ecstatic to greet the day. I wake up, wanting to be awake, and alive.
I'm glad I pin pointed my problem, because it was home that was depressing me. I hate sounding like I'm an emo artist, but thats what I communicate best, is how I feel about things. If I don't say it, it kills me. It eats me up inside to keep secrets, and hide away.
And like wise, I hate secrets being kept from me. But I don't miss being home. I miss people, and I miss smells, and I even miss a few places, however as a whole, I could never go back to it and be happy I think.
I might take that back, because I would like to visit, however prolonged visit sounds unappealing. I have theatre in about 8 hours.
Which means 6.5 hours of sleep.
I think Jacob is wanting me in bed. He's tossing like he can't get comfortable, and got antsy after a spat earlier when I left steamed for forty-five minutes. There is nothing like a man that will tell you you're stupid and wrong and put you in your place....and at the same time get on his knees and call you his goddess. That thought makes me want to curl into a ball underneath covers, close my eyes and squeal with happiness. | | |
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