| | G is for GreatGoodnessThats why papa says she'll never get married.
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The Hol is Currently:
Feeling: Anxious to get home
Watching: The Prince of Egypt
Listening to: Cocaine - Strata
Thinking about: Going to bed soon, because I'll hate myself in the morning if I don't.
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I know I haven't updated in a while, though I have tried to write several times.
I'm at this period of my life where I am so used to my own rules in life that coming home seems like more of a terrible chore than anything. I feel uprooted from everything I know and enjoy and love.
Lately I work like a slave. I love working at Birch Tree, God knows I do, I just can't work 18 days straight without a day off. I think they have it out for me or something because I am exhausted and I have been here a little over a week. I just want Christmas to get here and get over with so I can get back to where I feel at home and belong.
I thought to myself the past few days that one of these days I'm going to use these journal entries as some sort of reference for this great all American perfect sappy romance musical/movie I feel the world needs to have. Yes all Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20 songs...because the beetles are just overrated seriously.
I always use this time of year for reflection, as it comes to a close. I've made a few mistakes, had a run in with drugs, and trouble, went through extreme depression, switched schools, picked myself up, got an awesome job, figured out what I wanted to do with my life, found a wonderful man to be with, and it all seems pretty freakin' perfect where I'm sitting.
The Prince of Egypt always makes me cry. I feel like my spirit is starving, but...I make excuses about going to church for my guilty conscience. It makes me feel like people are burrowing into my skull, and all the angel figurines are looking at me with disgust. I still talk to God though, and I pray, and I'm pretty sure we're cool and that he still loves me. Well, thats stupid, he'll always love me...even though I have drug history, and made horrible mistakes, and went down a self-destructed path. The one constant in the equation of life.The one stable rock to stand upon.
I feel like I've done a total 180 in my life when I think about things. I feel like I'm a better student, and surprise myself at times at some of the decisions I make and there level of maturity. I look at the life Jacob and I have together, and see a glimpse of the future...whether I can grab it or not, I can't say.
Perhaps one day.
One day, I hope.
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| | Posted 12/19/2007 2:08 AM - 0 comments
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