Unfresh Love Lingers Here.

The tears are streaming down my face.

The rose he gave me wilts by the window.

The heat and the passion are gone, dissapeared with the sound of his voice.

Seemingly the perfect guy; i gave him everything and more.

But i wasn't even there. A figment of an over-active imagination.

My heart stolen by the devil himself...it burns in his hands.

The presence of him lingers on my body, but what good is that if i can't have him?

He knows what needs to be done, if he will ever feel so inclined, i doubt that.

However, i will wait patiently until he realizes he misses that lingering presence..

First off, I’d like to start this letter and say im sorry you hate me so much. And I am sorry to bother you. I know you’re probably too busy with your life and trying to forget about me. This is the only way I can tell you everything I have been told and thinking lately, in the event that you actually read it and you don’t just crumple it up and throw it away seeing how its from me. But I would like to have my chance to defend myself since all those accusations you threw at me were only made up out of rumors, drunken verbal assault, and a one-sided conversation. It’s great how everything that we have been through you were always willing to throw away our relationship on a rumor. You have always been willing to give me up on a whim when someone told you something about me that you didn’t like. That’s how I know I’m right when I told you that you never really loved me. But I’ve always loved you. And you should know how I first knew I loved you, and how I still know I love you. I see you everywhere Casey. You’re the character in every movie I watch, the guy at the check-out counter looks like you, the guy that ordered a pepperoni pizza have your eyes, my neighbor has your voice. That’s why when you kept doubting our relationship while you were on house arrest and I told you I couldn’t get any better than you, I see a little part of you in EVERYONE, but I had the whole thing. So why did I break up with you Casey? I can’t tell you. I honestly don’t know. I guess I was tired of putting us both through the agony of not being able to see eachother for weeks, when normal couples get to be with eachother as much as they want. And all the fights we were having were straining me emotionally and physically. You know how much I was crying because how often you would say to your brothers, “watch me make her cry”. I know, mean right? And I wasn’t getting any sleep over you so forgive me for needing a break. I would like to defend myself on the valentine situation. WE WERE NOT TOGETHER. So I didn’t cheat on you and you know it. Does it take away the guilt of cheating on me? I hope so. That’s a big weight to carry so its of course easier to blame our nothingness now on me right?

But all that aside, I would like to ask you a question: How does your “source” know what I look like with my new hair color? I seriously doubt you talk to anybody (except Samantha, yes she does tell me what you say about me) about my new hair color. And I also wonder how that same source became yourself when you told Samantha the story of me getting “caught” at Tommy’s. And if you did in fact see me yourself then why didn’t you tell me that vital piece of information? Oops. Keep your stories straight Casey. And I love how Nicole asked you what I have done to you for you too not trust me, and you changed the subject. Priceless. Well, I have talked to a couple of my close friends and after telling them our whole story of our relationship, (including how this is awfully familiar to when you were with Alexis) they agree with me, this is bullshit. And since we are supposed to be “just friends” (I quoted it because I don’t know if you remember Christmas eve with my family or not…. “I love your daughter sir,” to my father you said after making out with me all over my grandpa’s house.) whatever supposedly happened while I was supposedly in San Jose between me and Tommy, you’re not supposed to care about. If I can be mature about you being with some other girl you should show me the same respect. That’s what love is Casey, respect, trust and honesty. And I’m being completely honest with you right now. And I don’t understand how you can treat me like shit on your shoe. I was there with you ON THE DAY your mom left. I was there when she came back. I was there for you AGAIN when she left. I was there to talk you out of killing yourself numerous amounts of times. EVEN WHEN YOU WERE WITH KRYSTAL. I have been there for you when your mad at friends or beating your brothers. I forgave you immediately after the whole Kim thing. And I was always there for you to spend four hours on the phone a day with you when you were going through your angry stage. Can you honestly tell me that anyone else has been there for you more? And this is what I get? It’s ok I guess. I just let people walk all over me and throw me away like I’m garbage when they’re done. I should be used to it right now. But Casey, you should know, in the nine months we were together, you NEVER gave me ANY respect. And that hurts me more than the stories you make up to pretend you hate me. Well, anyways, I think I’m done. I think I have gotten all I have to say out. And if not, oh well. I just couldn’t let us part ways with out you ever hearing how I feel.





Ps: here’s my pic so now u actually know what to look for when you drive by Tommy’s house LOL. it’s funny because I don’t even know where he lives hahaha.

so thats the letter. im proud of myself for writing it. i honestly dont care if he throws it away. all that matters is that i put my feelings i kept bottled up so long out in the open and my burden is now done. whether he writes back or calls, i honestly dont care. i have nothing left to say to him.