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Ouch…

Groove: “Waltz No.3 in A Minor, Op.34, No.2”// Janusz Olejniczak

Whenever I try to ignore it, it always come right back at me, full strength. Like a shard of glass, cutting you into ribbons, slowly.

It happens again and again, over and over, so many times. I patch myself together, and it does it again. I try to ignore it, but the next thing that I know it’s back again.

WHAT THE FUCK!

I would scream for help, but it seems that everybody is a bit too occupied with their own things. Oh… I forget I’m not the only one with issues around here.

I just hope that it can disappear, or at least, I can ignore its presence completely. But I can’t.

How can I ignore it if its right in front my fucking face!

How can I ignore it, if I am still dependant to IT!

Until then, I’ll just try to smile, and hope that somehow… it will scare it away

And I thought I was not angsty anymore… oh well

Back to the corner

Groove: “Let Me Fall”// Josh Groban

Eh gad…

I’m not so angsty anymore… everything seems to be clearer now.

I think I can finally shut my mouth once again…

Although…I feel like I’m so distant from everybody else. Even to those closest to me.

It’s not the same anymore, everyone seems to be different, even though they’re still who they are. They might’ve changed, but the change can’t be that drastic or extreme.

Whatever happened, they’re far away now, even though they’re still physically around, some of them anyway.

Hmm… I guess things will go back to how it was, does not matter, not really anyway.

It’s not like I’m going to lose anything, I have nothing left to lose.

We are the all dancing, all singing crap of the world…

Groove: - Silence –

Hahaha… condescending… I’m condescending?

I guess I am.

It’s hard though, I think it would’ve been the influence from people around me.

It’s hard to be the less inferior one all the time you know. People realize that I am not the smart one, nor the skillful one, or the “cool” one. I am nothing… pretty much

I used to be able to deal with that fact, because back then, people were.. well… less condescending.

Even though they know that they are superior, they don’t think that as a plus factor that distinct them from anybody else. Therefore, everyone was pretty much “equal” in a sense.

But when I got here…. Geee, it’s competitive

Everyone is better than everyone else, and it pisses me off.

I guess I just want to proof that I’m just as good, or even better, than anyone else, both to others and to myself.

Hey, I have low self confidence… being the wuss I am.

“I’ve taken something that I hate the most, and make it a part of myself”

Yes, apparently I have, and I’m not proud of it…. And I did not realize that until YOU came in, yes YOU damn it.

I don’t know how you’ve influenced me in such a short period of time, but you’ve opened my eyes. You reminded me of who I really am, and what matters most to me.

Oh well, two more weeks… I just wish that you can stay and not go anywhere.