To be totally honest...I think this newest vid I have done...explains it all.

The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnwgWzVlwfs

Have you ever sat down and wondered about yourself? I mean, really sat down, or stretched yourself out on the bed and just wonder about yourself...the way you act, speak, sound, behave? I do that sometimes. I don't know why...but, ever since I was little girl, at the age of 4, I felt...not normal. I mean, not the typical "not normal" thing. I mean, I felt like I wasnt of this world. I feel like I am hear to observe the beings of this planet and make my place in it and leave some sort of impact on it...

Strange, I know. But, this is serious. Not only have I felt "unhuman"...I also felt like I could do things no one else could. Something as simple as being able to fly. Many times...many, many times have I looked towards the sky, night and day, and tried to imagine myself beginning to float into the air..and disappear. To go beyond anyone's understanding. But, then to come back and only show those that I love what I have seen. Sounds like something straight from the "Twighlight Zone". And what makes things even more strange, I am looking for someone who is the same way. To find someone who has thought the same way and still have dreams about those things to this day. I have never told too many people (only 3 people) that I felt this way before. So, I guess sharing it with you is a notch closer to finding out what the "real" me is like.

I, at times, comes to grips my alter ego. Let me describe who "She" is. She doesnt have the same name as me. Infact, her name is unknown, but it means "White Light". Note: My alter ego emerged when I was 7 years old. Pretty young for a child to be thinking things like this, right? Anyway...she wears all white, from head to toe, hence the name. Heres are brown, her skins is unblemished, shes strong like Superman, shes fast like The Flash, shes mysterious like Batman, and shes deadly like Venom. But, her one weakness is her heart. It tends to get her in alot of trouble, but tends to capture everyone elses heart. So, her persona is much like the original "me". Imperfect, yet...perfect. Theres no such thing as a perfect person, I know. But, is not the same thing. I think I am confusing you, who is reading. Let me get back to the point.

Anyway, "She" is what I retreat to when, at a distance, I see things are too much for me to handle. So, like the original me, she crawls back into her "egg like" orb...and stays there until she is "rejuvenated". Strengthened to handle anything else that comes her way. But, when the battle has made he restless, she goes back in to the orb.

Hmmm...well, anyway, its alright if you look at me strange. But, this is who I am. Its 5:07am. I need to get some rest. Im going to go crawl back into my "orb" now...G'night.

This is a great, but strange birthday (Yeah, today's my birthday!)...

Just when I thought that I found a great actor who gave thanks to the "Big Man" upstairs for getting him to the place hes at today. But, now...I no longer see him as a hero. A black man that has made it through the trails of what black male actors go through to get to a place of recognized talent...Will decides to not THANK GOD...and turn his back on him and become a believer in Scientology.

Will, in my opinion, has totally forgotten who he is as a man and as a person. I believe it all started when Will befriended Tom Cruise. Tom is into scientology because he is representing what HollyWood wants him to be. A nonbeliever of God so that he can get the roles to become a multimillionare actor, in which HollyWood can use him as a puppet to be used in any way, shape, or form. People, this is my opinion, but I have a six sense about things like this. I have always had the ability to see the outcome of people's decisions...and I honestly feel that because Will Smith has gone astray....something tragic is going to happen. Something that will actually slap him back into reality. Will, back in his "Fresh Prince Of Bel Air" days, portrayed himself as christian and the show had alot of family (Christian) morals that everyone could relate to. Will maintained his belief even when he wasnt as big as he is now. But, after he made his decision today...I dont think Will will ever know just how lost he really is. Will no longer looks bright to me. Will started hanging out with the wrong person (Tom Cruise), and we all know that that person is very mentally "not all there", and now hes turning out to be just like "him".

I will not deny that Will Smith is a great actor. He has a tramendously great talent. But, I cant see him as the same Will Smith as I once did. He used to be so positive...so full of life. He had a shine with his smile. He doesnt have that anymore. For those that are reading this, I am pretty sure that you will disagree with what I have said, and no...I am not a fantical Christian who condemns people. No, that is not me. But, I am a firm believer in God. I have no problem what-so-ever to anyone believing otherwise than Christianity. But, there are some religions that I do feel that mocks Christ and mocks christians by the way the media potrays us...and what they portray of christians is in no way true. You do have those that live up to that stereotype, but in no way does that represent all christians. It gets hard trying to do what God wants you to because there are some people who dont believe like you do or who dont believe at all prejudge your for being Christian. We can see through things on tv, internet, and magazines, and movies that HollyWood is making Christianity unpopular to be. It was not like this 20yrs ago. 20 years ago, people on tv always reminded us that respect is key in getting respect. In cartoons, the end messages always says "Good ALWAYS triumphs over evil!" and now...evil is cool. Look a the cartoons now. Sneaking in witchcraft....all sorts of things. Even respect isnt being taught the right way. We now see these Gangsters or these Super Bad Guys and Girls saying "If you disrespect me, then CAP them one!" I mean, come one! If you are a direspect to yourself, how the heck will someone else respect you? Young kids today just dont know how bad things are getting. And now, those that look up to Will Smith...they are going to be just like him. And Christians will be wiped off the face of the earth. No one, christian or not, seems to not have any important morals about whats right or whats wrong...and its a shame. A real shame.

Again, for those who are reading this...I want you to understand that this is my opinion. That this is how I feel about how bad things are getting and if you really pay attention, you can see it,too. Im speaking as a person who loves God, but as a person who is the same age as you (as a young adult). We really have no one to look up to anymore. And its sad.

Geesh, so its been, what, how long since I have had anything to say? January 1st? One should wonder..."Where have you been and what have you been up to?" Sit back and grab some coffee...this is gonna be a while.

So, let me see if I can remember what went on in January...oh, yes! Well, I dont think I have ever mentioned that I am a Sims 2 director. If you dont know what "The Sims" is, go to www.thesims.ea.com and www.thesims2.ea.com to find out that its the number one pc game EVER! Heheh!

Anyway, I use the game to make custom movies. Its actually a very big business and there are thousand directors who do this using this game with the use of hacks and special objects, I pretty much have control of the entire game. Anyway, I am in the middle of making a drama series called "Be With Me Forever". On my productions site, you can now download the first episode for your enjoyment! Go to http://blackessenceproductions.2truth.com I hope you like it! Making movies takes time. Its just like making a REAL movie. So, thats partly the reason why I have been completely awol from my beloved xanga...

Then, comes February. Being single on this month of "Love" wasnt as bad as it usually is. I had wonderful friends from many distances keep me company and I didnt have to use my beloved Michael Jackson DVD to serenade me. The day passed like water..and I really dont remember it at all. So, after that, a good friend of mine from the Sims 2 director community by the name of "FutureActorJon" (hes an aspiring actor) and he has a series out that is just absolutely amazing. He, like I, am one the few out of the thousands of directors in this business, that know how to CAPTURE their audiences attention. His website, if you would like to see his series, "Following Dreams", is www.futureactorproductions.com . He is an AMAZING guy and in the past 2 weeks, he and I have been doing a LIVE radio show on his site, which is now airing Friday evenings at 7pm eastern USA time. Its a real radio show and he is just amazing the way he works the music and we just have great chemistry. There is a chat room where you can chat and listen at the same time! So, even if you arent a fan of The Sims, please drop by! We have a GREAT time there and its fun to meet new people in the chat!

So, what else have I been up to...? Well, I am in the process of making a new xanga. Dont worry, I am not deleting this one. The other xanga will be made for my fellow Sims fans to read and it will be linked to my site. I hope I can do that. LOL! Anyway, I will be doing that today as we speak. heheh! So, I will try to maintain this blog as much as I can. I must be honest, it feels good to write and have something for you all to think on. I may write again later again tonight....who knows. lol!