Weather

I have spend six hours driving on the road today.  I used to like driving alot but I can't really enjoy it anymore.  Road constructions here and there, traffic jams and crazy weather are playing me around all day long.  It may start from my forgetful mind for leaving my headset bag at home, which contains basically everything I am required to get going.  I am looking at the sky all day long, and watching the weather changed from cloudy and windy to raining and eventually turned back to sunny. 20 minutes away from home, it is raining hard and wind are strong.   About 5 minutes from home, I have the centre of the low pressure system right on top of my head.  I can see the clear sky, with surrounding thick clouds and rains.  When I have got home, I call ATIS again.  Weather at 2245, wind calm, sky condition 3000 scatter.  Is that a joke? 

But anyways, I realize my life is always like weather.  It is unpredictable and it is always not going well on what it has been planned.  So I always need to plan and think well ahead.  In the weather forcast, I can see hot sunny days coming up, so I am looking forward.

It had been two months, worse comes to worst.  I hit the bottom of the vally when I found the missing piece.  Was it very bad?  I can say it is bad enough for me to handle and it was definitly shocking.  I was on the edge of it.  I hanged in there and we got through.   So far, it seemed to be a positive outcome from the incident.  It was definitly like the weather when it was in the middle of the storm and cleared up after the storm.  Air has washed clear by rain and smog has blown away.  Now, it seems to be a nice fine day in the middle of summer in Vancouver.  But honestly, shadow still over myself once in a while with a flashback of the incident, but I think it can be overcome.

Life is really like the weather.  As I have said, it is unpredictable.  Recently, I have talked to a friend who is battling with illness.  Not very serious, but it is bothering him alot.  I can totally understand because it happens when he is fully committing and enjoying his job.  All of the sudden, it comes to a halt.  Be positive, because there is always a sun behind the cloud.  Rain will stop, wind will die and sun will always shine. Add oil dude !!

Overcasted

Missing Puzzle

I always ask myself, "is writing blog a mental sickness?"  I think to most of the people, this is not the case because I usually see them writing down about thoughts and sharing happiness.  Occasionally, it comes across with some struggle, dilemma, or complaints.  But for me, I found that I am sinking into the tend of writing blog because I have no where else to talk about my feelings.  A couple of days ago, one of my friends actually reply on my blog.  It surprised me alot because I have never ever thought somebody out there is reading about my BS.  It is quite touched when someone actually reply on my blog when I am really stranded with stress, although it may not physically helpful. 

Today is April 20th, 15 days to the deadline.  I have made some good progress yesterday yet not enough to get me back on track.  The more I think about the assignments, the more I think it is not making sense for this tight schedule.  To me (I think most of the student), it is not a schedule for part-time study.  I can say it is tight even for full time students.  The worst part is that there is ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE, and GET YOUR ASS UP and DO IT !!!  It is sad, because this is really synchronizing with everything else to me.  The thing is, well, if you want it, you have to do it.  Alright, I know if I finish this on time with reasonable content.  I will get a reasonable mark which is fair enough.  Then there is nothing to complain and nothing to confront because it is crystal clear on everything.

I haven't play with puzzle for a long time and I can't remember when is the last time I touch a piece of puzzle.  Recently, I come across with a puzzle that I really really fall in love with.  I have never thought that I will have such a strong feeling with this piece of puzzle.  The first day I pick it up, I know it is extremelly difficult to finish it because every piece is very similar but it is not huge.  Well, for some reason I still go ahead to bring it home.  I still don't know if it is a mistake to actually buy it, but I know I really love it.  So, I have the usual believe is that if I have believe I can do it, then I will try my very best to accomplish it.

It is my usual practice that I will spend some time on the puzzle everyday.  I don't spend hours in a roll on it but I will play around with a few pieces every hour or so.  So far, I have enjoyed to play with this puzzle most of the time, because I will be extremely happy everytime I see progress.  I feel so childish and naive.  Well, I thought life is that simple, and it should be that simple.  But since I have it started, there are few occasions that I am not able to carry on from one corner and keep expanding.  Instead, I have to start from the other corner.  Okay, it still seems to work out because I am still able to carry on although some big sections are yet to combine.  But after this has occurred a few times, it starts to look suspicious that to me if this puzzle is actually contained every single piece or not.  The fact is that this puzzle is not brand new, which I have asked the original owner to double check for me.  So far, there have been two times that the original owner has given me the missing pieces.  Is that a joke?  Mmmm... I should have expected when I purchase a used set of puzzle.  But when this happens repeatingly, I am becoming more suspected that I still haven't have every single piece with me. 

It comes to me a question that is it my problem that I still can't trust the original owner or is there still missing piece?  There is already a few time that I have asked the owner for the missing pieces, and I have received some missing from her and she has claimed that there is no more.  But I still don't understand why I can't find the right piece.  I really don't want to confront her again on the missing pieces because she is my very good friend but I really can't find the right piece.  I am pretty sure there are missing pieces, but I can't do anything about it.  It is definitly not a good feeling if you get scam by a very good friend. 

Stranded with Stresses

Today is the 15th of April, which marks the halfway of April.  I has been a really tough 15 days for me so far.  Homework, roster, plans, future, life etc.  Almost everything single issue about Andy wants to come in and mess around with me.  Only 15 days, and I have already have enough and breaking down.  Has it been over?  Definitely not yet, because there are still homework and potential problems that are coming up.  My forecast for the rest of the month is completely sunk in fog and haze.  Will it be clear after April?  I think it will improve from fog to mist, which is still mysterious. 

Having the April roster, I should have plenty (still not enough) of time to work on my homework.  But also with this kind of roster, I cannot mentally synchronize myself with the all the SBs and Gs for my homework because my mind is certainly not with me at all.  I have not found myself stranded with overloading of tasks and issues and I am stressed to a breaking point. 

20 more days and 6000 words to go,  I still haven't able to put my heart into it.  I don't know where my motivation is and all I know is that I am dragging myself through these days.  I have never thought that the setup of the courses will be so tight.  Although it has been already three months, I don't seem to learn anything from it.  All I have done so far is paying the $24k tuition and writing paper as required.  I really don't see the point of this study, and I definitely feel like I am buying the MSc. with money and papers.  What is it all about?  I am clueless.  I only know I do it because I think it may helps.  That is absolutely fucked up.

I has been already six months that I have worked at the currently job.  The work itself sucks, but what brings me aside is something that keeps me there.  There is certainly one thing that delight my life so far, which has brought me from the job indirectly.  Overall, it has been nice and sweet.  I really can't ask for anymore.  But this is also very challenging, which I know it from day zero.  The major issue is the difference of mindset, which makes the balance point way off balance.  I am using trials of trial to find the balance point, but it is not very forgiving for a few of trials.  I though I have adjusted the balance point to a no-balance point, but actually it is necessary to push it even further.  Has the point been reached?  I hope so.  As I have told myself, I would never regret doing so much as long as it reaches the point where I want it to be.  I guess I am just drowned myself.  Although I don't mind doing so much, it stresses me out where my body finally breaks down.   I have officially broken down last night after the sudden incident that strikes me.  

I have used to think that the "I am what I am" personality never relate to myself, because I know it will cause a lot of problems in all kinds of relationship and it is extremely difficult to deal with.  As I think more about myself, I think I do have that personality too.  Fortunately, this personality only applies internally within myself.  As I have mentioned that I am yet to capable putting myself as the centre of my life.  "I am what I am".  I think I may not ever putting myself as the centre of life.  So now, I am dealing with more than one people who have this kind of personality and one of them is me.  I am stressed, extremely stressed.  Is retribution?  But it never seems to end.

Coincidence