another day

thoughts

I hope Crystal and Julie enjoyed their birthday party; I was pretty much tired & didn't care much until they all left and I could finally go to bed. I was so tired that day because of Nascar and stress. My gosh... planning parties just aren't my thing.

Jerome says he has a surprise for me for my birthday, but I don't think he really does at this moment because he's a boy. Hah! Obviously, I don't expect much from men. Anyways, if he does have a surprise, I want to know. He says he wants Crystal's phone number so he can find out what I want, but I'm not going to give him Crystal's number because he can get it himself by visiting at work where my best friends work. Duh. He'll just have to work hard for what he wants. Heh :]

For my birthday, I think it'd be cool to have a surprise party, but considering that I gave one to my best friends, I think it would be a little expected. I mean, unless something really special happened and/or N'Sync popped out from my backyard, it'll basically be nehh. I don't know; however, I do want some things. 
      I do want a collage of my friends in a one or two big frames that I can pin up onto my wall next to my bed because this room is boring. I also wish my room was clean. Hah! :] I want to go to California and/or I want to see my brother, my cousins, and my grandmaaaaa. I'd be so happy if I got to spend time with them for a while and actually do something instead of just sitting there on the couch trying not to fall asleep and get fat from eating all the food and whatnot. I want the D.Wade Sidekick ;] That'd be cool. I wouldn't mind having something meaningful, straight from the heart, that really came by through thought. I wouldn't mind crying because that would mean I was just taken aback from what my friends would do for me. I like attention, but I hate balloons. I like flowers. A lot of them. Ooooh!!! I don't want a surprise for my birthday, I want a lot of surprises. I'm kinna expect certain things from certain people & that's cool, but sometimes I wish it was more meaningful. For example, I love the Starbucks card from David, but it'd be cool if he wrote like a card saying something other than Happy Birthday and the usual junk. I like meaningful things. I like to read the cards I get and stick it to my wall.
      So, on my birthday, since it is a Wednesday, I think I'd be so happy if I got flowers from the moment I step outside my house til nighttime. Like, flowers outside my doorstep, then a surprise in a class of mine, maybe a small piece of cake somewhere, then more flowers, then the asians to sing Happy Birthday again like last year when a bunch of them started singing after school in front of the school, man. Then, maybe more surprises after school. Gosh. If people would work together to get that done, I would know that it took time and effort and I'd be happy. I mean, I don't want like 10 dozen roses. I wouldn't mind 5 dozen roses or narcissus(sp)? or daises or tulips because I like those flowers. :D yeahhhh.. man, my birthday will be lame, like every other birthday of mine.

I owe Kristy a present. I owe Sara a cake. When my mom and I are financially stable again, I think I will go to Baskin Robbins and buy Sara a cake and drop it off her house or bring it with me to school.

Hmm... I like my boyfriend. He's.... special. Hah! Ed. Just kidding. He's too nice and sometimes I think I ask too much of him or like he gets tired of dealing with me because I am difficult to deal with. I'm surprised he's still here because I'm pretty much annoying after a while because I get pretty bitchy and parents always get on my nerves and I'm always stressed out for some reason. Oh well... I mean, I just should never expect anything because that's just setting myself up for disappointment. This is why I barely expect anything from anybody because most people I know never follow through like they should and I'm just tired of being disappointed or being let down.

Omg. For example of being let down, tonight I told my dad that I had an appt. tomorrow because I forgot and he never gave me an answer back. I really wish my parents would actually start acting like my parents and would have some responsibilty for me other than paying for the bills so I can live an "easy" life even though my life isn't really easy considering that I have to deal with AP classes, testings, work, and Key Club. Then there's the social life that I'm already barely maintaining. I've been so tired lately. I just like it when people take care of me because then I feel like someone is actually watching over me other than myself because I do that too much. I am only 16. I do get tired of having to schedule things for myself, clean the house, maintain the grade, go to work, maintain the social scene, keep in shape. After a while, I just get tired and I wish things were different. Like, my parents don't even know that I've done over 100 hours of community service and that I've been nominated for leadership awards and conferences and that I'm going to be Key Club President next year and that I'm going for Most Improved Club. My parents don't know how much I wish I could talk to them and actually how much I want their support in the things I do. Maybe if I saw them more, or would actually try to be in my life, I'd be willing to talk to them, but when they're only existent when I need a ride, money, or food.. It's kind of hard. Yeahhh, I really wish they would just support me and actually take care of me. They didn't know that I tried out for drill and made the team after the three days I didn't come home without telling them I was going to tryouts. They didn't know that I wanted them to actually tell me congratulations.

You know, it wouldn't hurt if my brother would actually call me and see what's up with his sister. I don't think it would kill him just to get in touch with me on my cell phone, not our mom's. I'd be pretty happy if he would just accept the fact that I am growing up and I do like boys and I do date them. I don't like the fact that after all these years, he would rather tell my mom that I would have boyfriend instead of checking him out and getting to know him first and then judging what he should do next. You know? Like, I would love my brother just to be on my side and get to know me and get to understand why I do the things I do, but he doesn't because I don't think he even tries to get to know me. He asks the questions that are so generic, it's pretty lame.

      I don't know what else I want. I would want just to feel loved and appreciated because seriously, I think I'm just a pain in the ass. I want to be happy on my birthdayy. I want to have fun and just be happy with everyone with no drama and nothing dumbb. To see Ric would be cool. I think I'd cry because I'm crying right now just thinking how I would get to see Ric and how he just doesn't talk to me anymore because I have to call him & the same thing goes for Diane and Micaela. It's sad to think that everything changes so fast. I mean, come on. It's hard to call someone when you need them because they said you could call them whenever you needed them when you barely talk to them anymore. I mean, there's no point because they don't know your life anymore. It sucks are people just drift apart. That happened too many times this year. I don't think anything will top last year.

Ooh. I want my license and a car. That'd be cool. I'd be set. Hah. Just have like ALL my friends chip in 20 and it would probably be 1600+ dollars, but that's only if that's ALL my friends. Not like the close ones and the ones I see everyday, I mean ALL of them. HAH. :] won't happen. Surprises at school would be cool too. Likeeeee ... yeah :] Something pretty. hahaha. mann. I don't know. A fundraiser for one big present would be funny... hahah :] like for something hella expensive. I'd laugh. OOH. A new camera or video camera. Thennn a new computer screen because I'm looking at it right now. Thenn.. idk. To go to places that I want to go to but never have the chance to, like: Red Rock Casino, ice skating at Las Vegas resort or whatever by the Montelago casino, just to go to that place at night to see a mini concert and eat ice cream and buy stuff from there and look at the view and to see the stars ;] man, I'm pretty much a sucker for a pretty night sky. Oh, I want to get a massage and get my nails & toenails done. New wardrobe? maybe.

ohh man

catch up

Generally, i'm over drama because it's ridiculous and i think it's time to get over it. It's just too blown out of proportion and people just need to stop and just have fun. I also don't mind being taken right now. I'm actually pretty happy about it because I like him and he's nice and he's smart. So, basically, he's not some dumbass that treats me like shit, but mostly, he deals with my mood swings and such and that's just amazing because I'm pretty much a bitch at times. So yeah... In April, I'm going to Convention and then my new term as president of Key Club starts and I'm kind of scared but excited because I think I'm going to try to get Most Improved Club next year. Lets hope for that! :]

catch up.

sadies was alright. we raised 6,000 dollars even after we paid for everything else. we did good. OH! and the whole jordan thing ended on sadies becauseee he didn't make a move soo i left him standing there :] sadly to say, i had to deny him a date three times, but it's okay.

i started hanging out with sara and jayjay and janice a lot. i mean, i went over to sara's house a lot. winter was interesting. i had my little dinner thing, and it didn't all go according to plan but nhat was there. mann.. nhat. interesting shiiet ;] well, first off, my mother thought that me and nhat are going out, even though we aren't. there was a lot of cuddling and holding.. and yeah :] then at sara's dinner party, mikhail was there and he hit on me. he got my number and a kiss on the cheek underneath the mistletoe. winter vacation was sooo funn :D

i went on my first "date", i guess? with nhat. yeah... we kinna went to the movies unplanned and it was just me and him and he paid for everything, so i guess that's a date? hahaha!! maybe i'm just an idiot and don't know what i'm talking about. OH! then there was jerome, yvette's brother-in-law. yeahh, we hung out over winter vacation too. had plenty of dates with those two. i eventually started liking both of them, unfortunately.. at the end i ended up liking nhat. i told both of them about each other, and basically, jerome kept fighting and nhat gave up because he was saying that girls like boys that are older and blah blah blah.. it was pretty ridiculous. so nhat basically stopped talking to me, pretty lammme. but yeahh..i kinna wanted to go out with nhat if he like.. asked or SOMETHING.. but yeahh.. it's okay. i'm happy with what i got...  and jerome and i are going out now.. since the fourteenth of january. k, thanks. he's cool.

he's really nice. he's twenty and he's a pharmucutical? technician. yeah, i can't spell correctly all the time, sorry. he's too nice and he's like one of those romantic types.. like more than anyone i know, but yeah. he drives a blue car and has a blue crotchrocket ;D yay! i met his mom, stepdad, sister-in-law, brother, younger sister-in-law, niece, twin nieces... yeahh.. cool shiiiet. it's pretty... different, but that's alright.

i moved to mk's house. i got the master bedroom with my computer and everything in it. it's okay. it's a little creepy when i'm by myself. my friends helped me move a lot of things and i thank them. it makes me realize who i could really count on in life. cool shiiet. :] my dad moved in with us, and he has to pay things and has to not smoke in the house. he still sleeps on the couch though.

my gpa went down because of chem and math. i hate those two classes. when second quarter came around, i got really lazy and gave up for those classes. man, at least i passed. i'm happy about that. i could've done better though, and i will :] this semester. my gpa needs to get up again.

erick texted me the other day and he's coming into town next month. i'm excited!! i can't wait. i miss that fool. he made my day when he told me that.

i saw tony on the 24th! .. yeahh.. he made my day for stopping by. i miss that idiot too. goshh.. tony tony tonyyyy the tiger. rawr. :D "you can't blame everything on me"