| After Jennifer Lopez's latest album flops, she will re-release it with more edgy material:
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| Heaven will not be all its cracked up to be...but it's not because the majority of humanity will be burning in hell right next to you...no, God will take care of that by artificially suspending your ability to sympathize with them...but unfortunately since it is apparently worse according to Christian doctrine to not exist than to suffer forever, the residents of heaven will instead weep uncontrollably for the infinite number of folks who were never even born.
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| Conspiracy theorists after losing interest in 9-11
(especially the part about the missile that hit the Pentagon) will turn instead
to a much larger conspiracy…the moon.
They will point out the daunting absence of all those meteors that left
those huge craters. “Where’s the meteor
now?” they’ll ask. Tiny rock fragments
found scattered on the moon will be attributed to NASA being in on the
conspiracy and since this will imply we’ve actually been to the moon these
conspiracy theorists will turn on the conspiracy theorists that say we haven’t
been to the moon and each will think the other is obviously in on the massive government cover
up. A deadly civil war will erupt in
conspiracy theory land and the average IQ of the world will go up half a point
as a result.
The following is an artist’s depiction of what the moon
should actually look like if it hadn't been faked by the government:
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The famous Christian apologist, William Lane Craig will meet
his untimely demise when the atheist, Richard Carrier goes all out and shows up
dressed like the proverbial Satan to articulate his lucid and sensible case
against the historicity of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The “anything goes to save souls” Craig will
suffer a violent heart attack at the conjunction of the image of Satan winning
the debate hands down and damning everyone in the audience to an eternity of
suffering because he couldn’t cut the apologetic mustard.
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Loise Lane will be even more frustrated to learn the real the Man of Steel came back to earth.
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