Four months, three weeks, six days

       ....since I last posted.

       Is anyone still around, or have I scared you all off with my silence?

       Can't sleep, have a headache.  Ick.

       There is no way I could catch up on all the old posts on my list.  Must start afresh, I fear.  Hopefully I'll be more diligent this time around.  Besides this renewal of efforts in Xangaland, I'm setting another task for myself.  Let us hope the results are satisfactory in both endeavors.  Here, at least, I am....oddly satisfied to be tapping away again, to be recording my thoughts again, because I've been feeling rather strange lately. 

       I didn't realize when Cynthia left two years ago that I would be losing the one person to whom I could tell anything, the friend who was my confidant in the truest sense of the word.  She left, and while I'm glad she's made lots of friends and is establishing a happy life, I haven't been able to shake the lonely feeling of a void in my life which she once filled.  It took me a year, at least, to realize this.  For months at first, it didn't bother me so much.  Now, I sometimes feel trapped, unable to speak.  There are some things which simply can't be discussed with parents or siblings or male friends.  Or maybe I'm just not as close to anyone else as I was to her.  It hurts, sometimes.

       I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, can you tell?  I'll snap myself out of it by morning.  Right now, I'll just make do with a cup of mint tea and shower before I make myself go to sleep.

       I am so terribly frustrated.  A client called asking for his mail address to be changed.  No joke, I have seriously been trying to do it for the past half hour......for some reason the system just refuses to record the change.  It's a fairly simple process, so unless I'm a complete idiot, I shouldn't be having this problem.....Grrrrrr.  I hear my boss complain about the system all the time, but this is the first time it bites me in the ass like this.  Ugh.

       To get my mind off stupid evil computers, how has everyone been?  Update me on your lives, so I can catch up.

       The time is now 2:53 pm.  No boss.  Very few calls coming in (I'm beginning to wonder if the phone's working).  No filing.  Have already called all the cancellations.....ergo, here I am, engaging in Xanga At Work.

       I feel so bad.  But one can only straighten pens obsessively for so long.

       Help.  Me.

       I miss xanga.  It's been too long.  Probably everyone has forgotten me.....

       9:47 am: I don't have a whole lot of time, but I want to say that I did fully intend to lengthen that entry later that day and clue everyone in about what's been up with me so far.   And the reason I forgot and the reason I haven't any time is one and the same.....I got my lazy ass a job, and I feel guilty about xanga at work.  I'll be back, I'm writing a reminder on my hand right now.

       EDIT 6:29 pm:  Ha!  I have internet once again!  It hasn't been working lately, so I haven't been able to check email or anything....another reason I couldn't finish that entry.

       Damn, where to start?  In the past three months I was on unofficial hiatus, I made a purple superhero costume (complete with cape), started quilting my comforter, finally got a job, and turned 21.  Along the way I read several books and hung out with various friends for sundry reasons, same old, same old.

       More than once I've had the urge to write but I wasn't home or had no time or something.  But it really has been too long, so even though I no longer have oodles of time like I used to when I had no job and didn't attend school, I'm going to try not to forget about this place, and the personal time it affords me to write out my thoughts, inane or profound as they may be (likely more the former than the latter).

       I've noticed that Jay and Bj seem to have disappeared.  Though I'm likely three months too late, and am of course out of the loop due to my own negligence, I wonder what happened to them and if they are alright.  I'll commence my search for information as soon as I finish this, of course, though I may soon be distracted by the rumblings of my stomach--one added benefit of having a job is that it forces me to have some structure in my life.  I now have three meals a day at the same times, something I haven't experienced since I lived in Peru at ten years old.  I'm sure that says something unflattering about my sense of discipline.  Whatever, in about an hour, I'll be hungry.....some things never change.

Burgler

       So last night around 11:30ish, I realized I had accidentally locked myself out of my bedroom.  How did this happen, you ask?  Well, my new lock has a rather disturbing feature: it turns from the inside even when the lock is in place.  That means, if I lock it, then forget and close my door, I get to spend the night on the couch.

       I am so stupid. 

       At first I wasn't that worried, because I was pretty sure I'd left at least one of my windows unlocked, and even though it's a difficult and noisy process, I know how to break in that way.  However, much to my dismay, all three windows were locked fast.  Thank you sooooo much Dad, for locking my damn windows.  Since they're relatively new steel frames and double-paned, I knew I wouldn't be able to enter that way unless I wanted to smash my window in with a wrench......for like ten minutes before I finally got through.

       I tried the card trick, which I have actually done before and found surprisingly easy.  It didn't work, and I refused to kick the door in.  While I'm sure a few well-aimed kicks could get me back in my room, I've barely had a week to enjoy my new door, and I don't want to have to break it, just to bug Joey about replacing it again.

       It's cool, Siege, I tell myself.  Just see if you can pick the lock.

       I realize it's not a very common skill, and ergo must be harder than it looks, but I'm a smart girl, and I have a computer out here, with Google just waiting to help.  I had a rudimentary understanding of how locks worked, and knowing I had a five-pin tumbler lock made me feel not completely moronic.  Well, four and a half hours after I started my quest for knowledge I've learned enough to know I won't be able to pick this lock.  Intellectually, I understand perfectly exactly what must be done and how to achieve it, but my sad lack of practice (read: none) means I haven't the experience or dexterity, and certainly not the tools, to open the damn lock.  After attacking it with a hairpin and screwdriver for nearly two hours all I have are a few new scratches on the lock, crampy hands, and a headache.  And a newfound respect for locksmiths and recreational lockpickers.

       The headache is most likely also due to the fact that I haven't slept in over nineteen hours.  So, not only am I tired as hell, I have also pretty much lost a whole day in working on the costume for Scott--I would have been working on it for the past few hours, and gone to bed around three in the morning, as is my habit.  Now, I'll be awake until at least ten getting a locksmith, then I'll be sleeping all of Wednesday away.  Peachy.

       9:41 a.m. update:  I'm in!  Sleeeeeep.