| Its been awhile... since I have been here...
There's some things that have been on my mind and it seems the weight on my shoulders wouldn't lift until I tell someone... anyone.
It seems I easily forget my love for music until someone sings to me
Until someone provokes it to awaken from its eternal sleep
I nurtured my love in high school, yet the moment I graduated, I seem to have left everything behind.
Some people have tried to bring the music out of me, yet I resisted and place the blame on external influences.
Yesterday...
Yesterday brought, it seemed like, forbidden feelings and memories to mind.
I looked back and I remembered not being afraid to sing because I loved to sing.
I looked back and remembered not being afraid to play, yet why am I so silent now.
It hurts me when he tells me to "shut up"
It hurts when he tells me I sound like a "choir girl"
But you know what, I was one. All through high school, choir, band, everything that was within reach...
It was my haven, the home within home.
I remember all throughout high school, I'd sing with this guy on vent. God everyone just hated him, but even though he was an asshole, we shared a passion for music. We'd critique each other and help. Our music were the soothing balms of our life. No, we had no "feelings" for each other then comradeship. I remember when people would be afraid to sing on vent, and they'd sing to me because they understood that I wouldn't judge, I wouldn't laugh no matter how bad they are because they were trying... and sang from the heart.... for me.
And.. choir... I miss vocal jazz. Our voices blending, harmonizing, giving life to the inanimate. We weren't afraid of critiquing each other, always pushing to be better.
Its at these times I really miss...
because throughout everything there was always one thing understood
I love....
I can't regret, but I can remember
I wish...
|
| |
| Insomnia....I can't seem to sleep well these days...
I just lie awake.. unable to drift into that endless calmness
...forbidden from the land of all dreams~
|
| |
| less than one day until my birthday...
I only need one person to make it perfect...
|
| |
| I just really miss him...
I don't want to feel this endless sadness anymore...
|
| |
| well it's official... my week is
1.) ruined
2.) worst birthday ever...
how ironic that it's supposed to be "Happy Birthday" eh?
and I'm going to fail my lab final tomorrow... whee...both of them... cause I can't study...
Kind of funny how the things you look forward to slap you back in the face and go... screw you...
Life always seems to turn out that way... expect the unexpected? Lol... yeah right.
Am I bitter?
Am I angry?
Am I mad? sad... unhappy... ?
All depressed moods...seem to come to mind.
What do I have to look forward to anymore?
|
| |
