Nyny06's Xanga

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 15:49:00 GMT

Its been awhile... since I have been here...
There's some things that have been on my mind and it seems the weight on my shoulders wouldn't lift until I tell someone... anyone.

It seems I easily forget my love for music until someone sings to me
Until someone provokes it to awaken from its eternal sleep
I nurtured my love in high school, yet the moment I graduated, I seem to have left everything behind.
Some people have tried to bring the music out of me, yet I resisted and place the blame on external influences.
Yesterday...
Yesterday brought, it seemed like, forbidden feelings and memories to mind.
I looked back and I remembered not being afraid to sing because I loved to sing.
I looked back and remembered not being afraid to play, yet why am I so silent now.

It hurts me when he tells me to "shut up"
It hurts when he tells me I sound like a "choir girl"
But you know what, I was one. All through high school, choir, band, everything that was within reach...
It was my haven, the home within home.

I remember all throughout high school, I'd sing with this guy on vent. God everyone just hated him, but even though he was an asshole, we shared a passion for music. We'd critique each other and help. Our music were the soothing balms of our life. No, we had no "feelings" for each other then comradeship. I remember when people would be afraid to sing on vent, and they'd sing to me because they understood that I wouldn't judge, I wouldn't laugh no matter how bad they are because they were trying... and sang from the heart.... for me.

And.. choir... I miss vocal jazz. Our voices blending, harmonizing, giving life to the inanimate. We weren't afraid of critiquing each other, always pushing to be better.

Its at these times I really miss...
because throughout everything there was always one thing understood
I love....
I can't regret, but I can remember
I wish...

Insomnia....

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:32:25 GMT

I can't seem to sleep well these days...
I just lie awake.. unable to drift into that endless calmness
...forbidden from the land of all dreams~

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 02:37:33 GMT

less than one day until my birthday...

I only need one person to make it perfect...

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 06:58:55 GMT

I just really miss him...

I don't want to feel this endless sadness anymore...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:32:46 GMT

well it's official... my week is

1.) ruined
2.) worst birthday ever...

how ironic that it's supposed to be "Happy Birthday" eh?

and I'm going to fail my lab final tomorrow... whee...both of them... cause I can't study...

Kind of funny how the things you look forward to slap you back in the face and go... screw you...

Life always seems to turn out that way... expect the unexpected? Lol... yeah right.

Am I bitter?
Am I angry?
Am I mad? sad... unhappy... ?
All depressed moods...seem to come to mind.

What do I have to look forward to anymore?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:06:37 GMT

He doesn't try anymore...

so...

what should I do?...

Monday, April 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 05:46:32 GMT

Well I was excited about this coming week... not really anymore...
Seems like my b-day plans are ruined...
no wonder they always say the teen years are the best...
so life decided to get me an early 7 day preview of how sucky adulthood was...

... GG... to me

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 00:35:13 GMT

I am so tired...
I haven't been able to sleep these days...
Maybe I should try Char's method, drink a shot before I sleep every night...
.... or I could steal diethyl ether from the chem lab...

then again... it's not good for you...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:28:34 GMT

Wow... this was incredible... today I met Brad Pitt and you cannot believe it. Anyways Angelina Jolie was also here with the kids. Because Angelina wouldn't marry Brad, he decided to propose to a random girl. And guess who that random girl was... yeah... that's right :O He went down on one knee in the Lambda centre with me and Charlene, and he proposed to.... Char. LOL...

Yeah.. Char and I were really bored in our 5 hour break... so we were thinking about weirdthings o_O

Oh wait.... Char preferred it to be Orlando Bloom. *replay scene with Orlando*

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:40:10 GMT

En... wo hui nu li de... wo hui xian xin zhe bu shi zhuai hou yi tian...

Wow... I never knew I could have such a heart to heart talk with my bro's girlfriend. It's kind of nice to have her around and I am glad my brother found a girl like her. She has a very big heart, and it beats strongly for my brother. I will be very happy, the day I welcome her properly into my family as my sister-in-law.

Anyways, I saw a car crash outside my house today. I heard this big BANG. And I ran to the window and wow... it was amazing. Smoke and everything... and all the witnesses around and everything. Sucks for them, but kind of cool for me =P I should have taken pictures, but I totally forgot. But I think, the red car was trying to make a left turn, but got hit by the car heading straight trying to make it past a yellow light. By the degree of injuries to the car, it seems like the silver car was really far away when the lights hit yellow. There are some people who see yellow light and drive faster to make it past yellow. Since the red car thought, wow the silver car is still far away, so I will turn and BAM! Cause only the red car was injured :O