| so u LIED to me the WHOLE TIME..wow..i wouldnt have been so mad if u would have just told me the truth...
wonder if u lied about nething elsE? prob...
well i guess that was the last goodbye...the last time i cried over it...prob not..but im going to try.....i need to get this thought of u out of my head..but i cant...its time for me to say goodbye..cause i guess u already moved on with ur own life....
it took so long....
( i remember when kaylee wrote sumthing like this before...I made my own....nd i miss her ~>)
..~>..that night, the night when i finally said 'enough is enough,'was biting cold as i slipped out of the party, struggling to hold back my tears & making it only as far as the car, where i spent what seemed like ages fumbling with my keys until i finally felt the lock give & rushed, shivering, into the driver's seat. it took a minute for me to move; i sat there instead with my hands on top of the wheel & my forehead pressed against it, taking in deep breaths of the cool air that was slowly becoming tolerable. sitting up, i wiped my eyes but it was no use- i slowly put the key in the ignition and realized wat had just happened...i backed out of the driveway i had no where to go , but somehow it seemed like the only option. the lights of the city all blurred into one & i could barely make out the reds, greens, & yellows of the traffic signals as i drove along. my head was no longer doing the driving, though; instead, it was my heart & i somehow found myself at the lake nd the dock you know the one. you remember the night. & as i sat there, i saw it all play out, & through my t e a r s, i smiled the next place i passed was at homecoming...the first we danced and didnt care who all was watching.the first time i looked into your eyes as u kissed me on that dance floor..and i really thought u were amazing-next i visited where we played in the snow..laughing and rolling in the snow with each other (,(i closed my eyes, & the wetness on my face was still there, almost as if it were happening again) next was..the movies..my basement..were we layed endlessly together and had a few competitive games of pool...to different parties..to diff times laying in bed with my head on ur chest listening to ur heartbeat....the "first time" i felt ur body against mine...golfing together nd all we did was cheat.the countless inside jokes and little nicknames...i even visited the night u drove all the way to see me and we were in your car & i saw the very place we had parked that night. i could still feel the way i had felt that night- feeling as if everything was ok again..--the soccer games u always struggled to watch through--and the first time i actually sat and talked to u at Panera...the night of old settlers were u almost got into a fight..-and even on halloween...(that night was amazing)...riding on the seadoos and visiting party cove.i could still feel the way my cheeks had ached from smiling so hard...every place has it's own story, it's own unforgettable memory of *us.* remember when it was 'us,' not 'you' & 'me? i kept driving, letting occasional sobs escape my mouth as the rain from my eyes steadily fell....i was almost home...as i got out of the car...fighting the cold..and slowing walked to my room and layed in the place i knew would hurt the most...the last time u kissed me..the last time we really "felt each other" and meant it...the last time i layed with u just smiling hearing ur heart beat...you gave me a kiss on the cheek while i was laying there cause u said u couldnt help it.. but when i closed my eyes, i could almost swear it was your warm breath brushing against my face again ...i could almost feel your skin against mine, here you whisper those little words. & i swear, at that moment, the tears were gone....i sat up & looked around. no one was there..u were gone..i realized all the things that happened that night..nd how i guess i could never take that place as ur "girl" again all because u didnt know wat u wanted...at that moment..i wiped my eyes completely dry...letting myelf know this was the last time i ever give my heart away...with one last look at my picture of us at homecoming next to my bed..i layed it face down..layed my head down on the pillow 'and this,' i thought to myself, 'this is letting go.' ..
xanga is going bye for now..
thats all |
