Odracir's Xanga

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 22:12:19 GMT

At the risk of sounding 'Emo,' I seem to be failing at everything. Everything I give my time, money, and all my effort, I fail at. At that is when i'm lucky. When i'm not lucky, i succeed, but then I almost wish i hadn't. It's like you love Apples, and you work really hard to grow an really rare apple tree. Then after you take a bite of the apple, it not only tastes horrible, but everyother apple you eat from then on also tastes absolutely disgusting. Look, I even fail at making a decent analogy.

In fact, the only things I seem to be suceeding at is school work, at that is just given too me. I Don't have to try to give good grades. I don't earn them. And you know what I predict. That I don't get into the college that i want, by the narrowest margin, or worse, i will and find that i end up hating it. Euh. I am so depressing. And then people are going to comment showing pity, and then i'll feel bad, or they wont so i don't feel bad, and then i'll feel bad because no one pities me. How do i always end in in no win scenarios?

Euh... Just ignore me for a bit, just venting i think. I'll be fine by Saturday. Saturday is going to be a good day, unlike this one. meh, at least i wasn't 'poopervised.' If you don't know what that word means, go read a much better written and more timely updated xanga. OhForSixes.

The days i need a hug are always the ones where i don't get one.... and that is all the whining i'll allow myself for awhile. Like a year or two. Man... i'm really whiney.... I'll update in a month or two.

Ciao

Reality

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 15:45:35 GMT

What is reality? What is real? I fear I do not know, for I cannot discern the truth. I see the world through tinted glass, and I am left unsure of other's intent. Is a smile just a smile, or is there more behind? How am I sure that is not just what I want to believe? Is being occasionaly ignored a sign of veiled dislike or it is simply human forgetfulness? Filled with uncertainty I try not to stray too far in either extreme, but I find myself instead of standing on neutral ground, being flung from extreme to extreme like a ball in some sick tennis match, until I'm lost irretreivably in my own delusions.

I have been, I am, I shall remain.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 22:30:00 GMT

The cold... so cold that it creates a fire on my skin as I walk briskly through this November air. The wonderful thrill of feeling this wonderful world god created. The awe of the sensations that make my eyes bright, as I feel alive. Yet when I am alone at night, the cold chills me down to my bones, down to my soul....

Have any of you ever got the sense of being alone, when you're in a crowd full of people? To talk and smile, and see friends... yet it doesn't seem real... sometimes I wonder if i take the world too seriously... it really is just a big joke, a big joke on me it seems.

Yes, I am aware that I don't make much sense, and that I don't sound all too happy. Both are almost certainly true. I don't know, what is truth? It just scares me when I can't tell if what the world tells me is real... or if it is really all self-delusion....

Wow, I'm really insecure today. Must be the senility creeping up. Did you hear? My birthday was on the 16th. Of course if you are one of the three(or possible four) people who read this xanga, you probably already know, as two of you made me very nice cards. They are on my computer table, next to my bed.

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn. ~Elizabeth Lawrence

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 23:52:56 GMT

I'm only 4433 words behind already on my novel. I am going to fail at this, so badly. I've confirmed my grades today, I have all As. I have one A- in french, but that is good for me... better than my usual B. I Don't feel all that talkative today, may be from lack of sleep. Sleep... i remember that... i once had that... last july? Band sucked today.... School sucked.... but life is good. Why? Because its getting better all the time... and the bastards in Harrisburg are realizing that we don't like it when they pay themselves more money.. illegally no less. I realize that I love most people, and the few exceptions i want to kill.... does that make me an extreamist?

Kindly Disturbed,

Chuck

Monday, September 12, 2005

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 23:07:53 GMT

I am sick, but it's not the regular, oh i got the cold/flu/bubonic plague sick, oh no. It is much more insidious. It is allergy sick. It doesn't go away in a few weeks, or end in my untimely death, i have to suffer through the headaches, the sniffiling, the sneezing for weeks on end. What's even worse, is that you all have to listen to me whine about it. Despite that horridness, i feel quite cheerful. Life is grand. Quite irrational thinking from me, especially when I have left my math book at school and I'll have to squeeze it in somehow before... 3rd period (hey it's only 2 points...)) Still, I feel like i'm trapped in a melodrama. I'm happy one moment, depressesd at the next. Not a good melodrama either(assuming there is one) but one of those ones where you discover your sister is really your cloned evil -half twin. I guess it doesn't help that I read so much, that sure doesn't strenghten my bonds with reality, but then, reality is so... real, somtimes i think a bit of surreality(is that a word?) is good for people. I'm just going to keep writing until I run out of things to think about, or pass out, which ever comes first in my subjective time. Time... is time really linear, or do we just think it is? Has everything already happened, and how we move through time only an illusion our minds are playing on us? It has been proven that information in the present can effect what happened in the past. Is the universe really rational? I don't belive it is. We certainly can't understand it. If the universe was rational, would we be able to understand it? We definately are not rational beings, quite irrational at most times. We tend to rely on our 'intuition' and 'common sense.' Here is an example. A professor is giving a lesson on mathamatical probablities, he askes his students to imagine they are in the final prize session of a game show. They have three cards to choose from One being a new car, and the others minor prizes. He selects one of his students and asks her to choose a card. Then he reveals one of the cards she didn't pick as a minor prize. He asks her if she should change her pick. She says no, her common sense telling her it didn't matter. The professor grinned, and explained to her that the probabilities were substatially higher if she switched. If she stayed with the original one, she still had the original 1/3 chance, but if she changed cards, her chances rose to a 1/2. This is the kind of thing that goes on in my head constantly. I hope it explains to some of you why i'm a bit um... odd at times, like right now. Why would I be writing this in my xanga? Don't ask me, I'm irrational. ^_^

Ta Ta!

(If you actually read through all that, you deserve a cookie... but I'm sorry, i have not cookies to give ;_;)

<(^_^<) <(^_^)> (>^_^)> Dance Kirby, Dance!

P.S. I take no resposibility for anything i said.... ever.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 23:24:27 GMT

Yup, more sporadic writings. Aparently, some of you want me to update. God only knows why. If i was in your shoes, i'd be telling me to shut up... except i'm not that rude most of the time. Or i hope i'm not. Well let's see..... football games are fun. Sickness is not. I sugest one goes to the former and avoids the latter. That's pretty obvious to most people but... well... you people want me to postify here so... meh

Let's see..... if anyone reading this is interested in Sci-fi and/or Anime they really need to see the Crest/Banner of the Stars series. Very well animated, and the storyline is something you can really sink your teeth into. Just make sure you see it in japanese, because the american dubbing sucks. Like... really. After hearing it in japanese the english version actually hurt, it was so bad in comparison.

I've decided that too many cough drops can make one loopy, and thus like, should be avoided.

Remember, if at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 02:56:34 GMT

It's late at night, and time for another episode of tired ramblings from a weirdo! Yesh, i got my wisdom teeth out monday, it hurt, but i had lots of drugs to make me feel better. They all gone now. Still have plenty on anti-biotics though! no sickness will get me! buwahahaha! i have found another rp to dontate me life to for the time being, and i saw a great movie called 'The Cat Returns' all cat lovers should rent it.... and everyone else should too

Ciao, babe!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 18:02:44 GMT

I'm sorry to bring you all the news that... I'm updating again! Once more you will be entertained by my -action- packed days and nights. Welcome to the boy that never sleeps, isn't summer grand?

Enough about that, today we had a fencing tournament against the Tri Weapons Boy's Club down in Maryland. We normally go down and fence them in all three weapons, kick ass in foil, they shut us out of sabre, and epee is the deciding factor. Well today I broke that pattern; I won one out of my three bouts and another I lost only because the ref couldn't keep up with my fastness. yes I said fastness... it might be a word... maybe... alors, the only reason we lost the tournament was because we had to forfeit a third of the bouts since 3 people didn't show up. Next time they won’t be so lucky.

Today I have rediscovered the joy of classical music. There is just something about listening to Mozart’s Best, or Bach Organ Blaster.

"When at first you don't succeed, lower you expectations" -from Squibb's (anti)motivational essays

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Tue, 17 May 2005 22:33:09 GMT

Well, since Zach blessed this site with his wisdom i was compelled to update.... after forever and a day. Alors..... a lot has changed, i have become much lazier which is possible apparently, my brother has graduated, come home and left again, and i'm left with a craving for coconut pudding..... yes pudding... but more like the cream on top of coconut cream pie. Cherry pie would be nice. I've finished Huck Finn... my conclusion.... Tom Sawyer in completely and utterly insane..... one day that child will get himself killed... that is if he wasn't a fictional character..... i'm out of practice with these ramblings..

"Be nice.... or imma gonna keel you!" -Me... adressing me.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 22:42:36 GMT

I totally fell asleep too much today, i forgot it was daylight savings, so i stayed up way too late, and then i went to church, and fell asleep during sunday school(but i was at the parents sunday school... i really don't know why, but since there really isn't a teen sunday school i sorta get to go where ever i end up so *shurgs* then i fell asleep during the sermon, even after trying my best not to.... i really like the sermons too, why is his voice so annyoingly soothing?! Dumb Minister.... but he is great, and he also is my neighbor, so i see him walking around every once in awhile, which is weird. Yeah, so then i went home and slept for 6 more hours, i hope i'm not getting sick. So yeah, i've been talking enough, i mean -i'm- getting tired of me talking so, c'yall tomorrow.

"But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,

All losses are restored and sorrows end."

William Shakespeare