So, this updating regularly thing is a hard habit to get back into... Especially since I haven't been writing regularly for longer than I'd like to admit. But I really want to be updating on here regularly again. I miss writing!

So, here's an update for y'all. It's kind of on the lame side, because it's an edited version of a poem I posted years ago (April of 2005!) that didn't get the kind of responses I thought it would, so I don't think I expressed myself very clearly. So, sorry it's not a 'real' update!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Spin me around,
turn me upside-down...
it's not like I'm going anywhere alone,
anyway.

So mix it all up!
Let me be shaken not stirred.
Send me through Your fire,
blur the lines,
smear Your paint across my soul.

But it's not really mine--
it hasn't been mine
for a long, long time,
and the wisest thing I ever did was
give it up to You.

But what has that made me thus far?
How has it mattered?
               and how much hasn't changed
               that should have been changed...

So, please! I'm crying out for you to
stand me on my head,
or turn me inside-out,
or make me feel a scream
that will never be more
than a shivering silence--
        if  that's  what  it  takes.

Tear me apart!
I trust Your                             hands
                 (surgeon/artist/architect)
more than I will ever trust my own.

...and I know
that if I don't make it through this;
if I come out unchanged--
or so changed that I am no longer myself;

it's my weakness
not Yours.


-A. Lynn T.

~ I'm going to go ahead and say that this is still unfinished. It may honestly need a complete rewrite instead of just an edit. I know there's some ambiguity/confusion at the end (because there are multiple meanings to that last stanza in light of the previous one) which is probably too much seeing as this poem was already not coming across clearly... Another part of the problem might be that there's not a steady flow from the first idea to the conclusion, it sort of bounces between the two every stanza or so instead of taking a more direct path... like I might be revealing the conclusion, in pieces, from the beginning. I'd love feedback if anyone has any!

S.E. Up next I'll be writing something Gainel suggested over two years ago ^-^;; There were 2 lines she particularly liked in one poem, and wanted to see a poem centered around them instead of just using them as the opening lines. Gainel, if you're still around, you are missed! And I'm sorry I disappeared for so long!! ~

I will not fall
just because I long
to be caught.

I like to think I'm stronger
than that.
And...
    I know I have to wait.
      I know it takes time.
        I know I need more
       than someone who will catch me.
--and I hate
being such a 'know-it-all'.

Not because ignorance
could ever be my bliss,
but because I dream of living my life
as a dance
to a song I don't know yet
with no strings attached
to tie me up, weigh me down, or tangle me hopelessly.

I dream of being able to fly--
but knowledge holds me back
keeps me tied down
and always leaves me thirsting for more,
as if I'd drunk seawater.

So I know--
oh heavy, heavy word--
that I won't fall just because I want to be caught.
                                      (even though it tempts me)


--A. Lynn T.

~Wow, it only took me just over a month to write something. This one is not from the point of view of any character, it's more my own. And I think I like it better for that, but time will tell. At least it wasn't as forced as the last one was (whether or not it reads that way, it was certainly that way when I wrote it). I'm really just happy to be writing again, and to have words flowing out with any kind of ease. ^-^~

[I want to sing you a song... in words]

explain to me how I feel
make the words all new
sing me a harmony that's
        unbelievable

and make everything
that doesn't matter
m e l t
    away

spell out my desires
with refrigerator magnets,
and then change them while I watch
and cry...
       just let me cry
all those tears that I've
held back
on all those countless unnumbered days
    [not that any day goes unnumbered now...
    so why do lives go unnumbered?
    why do tears? why do heartaches?
    why do children dying of innumerable unnamed uncatologued
    disasters?]

let me have a thought that makes sense
longer than a single conversation I've had
or a single drowned dream written out as plain as I can make it

don't kiss me any lullabies
or tell me how I  feel
[embrace my contradictions]
and love me if you can...
I'll take what I can get
 --but only if it's worth having
                        ...lest you misunderstand.


--A. Lynn T.

~A new one... I started it over a week ago, and just added the last few lines and edited a few things. I like it... right now. We'll see if it lasts. But I think I like it enough. It does ramble away from the 'topic' before going back, but I like that about it. It's... part of the point? ^-^;; Anyway... let me know what ya'll think? ^-^~