This morning I go to thinking about our attention spans, or the lack of them.  Many of us were in our adolescents during the early 90’s, the same time the big debate over “Attention Deficit Disorder” arose.  If a child was rambunctious they automatically had A.D.D.  Was this just pop psychology… or was there some truth to it?  Now, in our late teens and early twenties, it seems we gave up the rambunctious personality for the reality of having no attention span.  I can't help but wonder…do we have Relationship A.D.D.?

 I am not one for grouping or classifying individuals.  I also hate to stereotype and say, “All guys are the same.”  However, I am being wonder if they really are.  Since JD and I broke up in July of 2003, the dating extravaganza I have had has been a little rocky.   I will absolutely take responsibility for my actions but, I will not take responsibility for other guys.

 You know the time you were talking to a guy for about three weeks or so, again time doesn't really matter.   And from the continuous communication you had it seemed as if he were interested, even more so when you expressed that you were interested.   Then, you go out to a club and you see him, greetings are exchanged, yet something felt weird.   Like he was hiding something or trying to pretend if you will.   You go on with your night, and not more than 30 minutes later you look over at him and see he is all up-on some one else.   You kind of pause and your attention came too.   You thought he was interested, or at least wanting to talk more.

 Now, I am not saying he had an obligation to be all up-on you, you aren't dating, have not clarified commitment.   However, if he was really interested in you wouldn't he be all up-on you?   We have to remember though; maybe he just has a short attention span.

Well, today I say, fuck their low attention spans! 

 I hope I have some of their attention now.  You can make all the excuses for why you don't call, why you don't talk, and why you pretend to be interested.   We have all heard the best one…”Well I don't want to look like an ass.”   Well buckos I hate to break it to you, but when you drag on the “fake interest” you are  being the biggest ass you could possibly be.

Use your attention and tell the other person, you just aren't that interested.   Quit wasting the pretty.

Last night at dinner with Annie and Jenni, I was very vocal about who I thought was hot in the cafeteria.  Jenni looked me in the eye and said, “You are worse than a girl in high school.”  I paused, and gave a notorious Jared look.  I thought about this…she was right.  My hormones are in over drive. Jenni asked, “Are you horny?”   I looked at both her and Annie and said, “Its not that…I am sexually frustrated.  I need to feel another guy on top of me.”  Annie said, “Well, what are you waiting for?” 

I admitted that I am not really one for hooking up, and moreover, that I have the “analyze and emotional” problem.  They both agreed that I was young and deserve to have fun.  I told them tough that in gay culture it is hard to “have fun” and maintain a positive reputation.  They both looked and me and said, “Jared, screw them.  Don’t worry about labels, you are you, and have needs that need to be met.”

I got to thinking, that if you are a 20 to 30 something gay guy living in Cincinnati, and refuse to settle and you’re sexually active, it is inevitable that you’ll rack up a certain number of partners. But, how many men is too many men?  Are we simply romantically challenged or are we sluts?

I am not going to define “slut,” I feel that is up to you.  You have to accept your actions.  And, I agree with Annie and Jenni, screw what other people think.  As for me, I know I want something long term, but I figure that in the mean time I need to live life and go with the flow.  If that makes me a “slut” under your standards…well that’s to damn bad. 

On Friday I did an activity in one of my communication classes.  We were given the following list of “characteristics" and told to rate them in their most importance to us in describing a person with whom we would form a long-term, intimate relationship.  Ranking the most important with #1 and the least important with #13.  Here is my ranked list…

      1-     Desire for children
2-     Good health
3-     College graduate
4-     Intelligence
5-     Exciting personality
6-     Physical attractiveness
7-     Creativity
8-     Adaptability
9-     Good earning capacity
10- Kindness and understanding
11- Good heredity
12- Religious orientation
13- Good housekeeper

 Yeah I was a little shocked myself.  Must people had “kindness and understanding” as number one.  In all honesty, I couldn’t help but wonder…do I want something out of the ordinary?  Furthermore, I took a test thing online which tells you which ‘Sex and the City’ character you are based on the four elements Fire, Earth, Air and Water.  Here are my results…

 You scored 60% Carrie

Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body -- though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.

You scored 40% Charlotte

A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

 My thoughts exactly…