OnielWakeboarder's Xanga

Friday, June 24, 2005

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 18:44:07 GMT

I am not going to waste any time on how I haven’t written anything in a while.

Many others and I witnessed something last night that was flat out inappropriate. I am not passing any judgment; I am however preaching good judgment. I will be the first to say I have had done some irrational things while intoxicated, and believe me, in the morning, I had to pay.

Last night I was out at a club. While having a beer on the back patio I turned around to find a guy giving another guy head. At first, hell yeah I laughed, but than I got to thinking… Doing that sexual act in public is not acceptable, moreover, it infringes on the rights of others. I will absolutely argue we all have the right to give and receive a blowjob, but it needs to be exercised in private.

My point is, homosexuals argue that they… that we are not promiscuous and have good moral judgment. Yet, some chose to engage in lewd acts. Getting hot and horny while at a club is normal. But, were these two guys just really horny, or did they want attention? I can help but wonder, is public sex the new “gay norm” or am I being judgmental?

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 13:46:31 GMT

"Attention Spans"

This morning I go to thinking about our attention spans, or the lack of them. Many of us were in our adolescents during the early 90’s, the same time the big debate over “Attention Deficit Disorder” arose. If a child was rambunctious they automatically had A.D.D. Was this just pop psychology… or was there some truth to it? Now, in our late teens and early twenties, it seems we gave up the rambunctious personality for the reality of having no attention span. I can't help but wonder…do we have Relationship A.D.D.?

I am not one for grouping or classifying individuals. I also hate to stereotype and say, “All guys are the same.” However, I am being wonder if they really are. Since JD and I broke up in July of 2003, the dating extravaganza I have had has been a little rocky. I will absolutely take responsibility for my actions but, I will not take responsibility for other guys.

You know the time you were talking to a guy for about three weeks or so, again time doesn't really matter. And from the continuous communication you had it seemed as if he were interested, even more so when you expressed that you were interested. Then, you go out to a club and you see him, greetings are exchanged, yet something felt weird. Like he was hiding something or trying to pretend if you will. You go on with your night, and not more than 30 minutes later you look over at him and see he is all up-on some one else. You kind of pause and your attention came too. You thought he was interested, or at least wanting to talk more.

Now, I am not saying he had an obligation to be all up-on you, you aren't dating, have not clarified commitment. However, if he was really interested in you wouldn't he be all up-on you? We have to remember though; maybe he just has a short attention span.

Well, today I say, fuck their low attention spans!

I hope I have some of their attention now. You can make all the excuses for why you don't call, why you don't talk, and why you pretend to be interested. We have all heard the best one…”Well I don't want to look like an ass.” Well buckos I hate to break it to you, but when you drag on the “fake interest” you are being the biggest ass you could possibly be.

Use your attention and tell the other person, you just aren't that interested. Quit wasting the pretty.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 23:20:41 GMT

"Whose Standards?"

Last night at dinner with Annie and Jenni, I was very vocal about who I thought was hot in the cafeteria. Jenni looked me in the eye and said, “You are worse than a girl in high school.” I paused, and gave a notorious Jared look. I thought about this…she was right. My hormones are in over drive. Jenni asked, “Are you horny?” I looked at both her and Annie and said, “Its not that…I am sexually frustrated. I need to feel another guy on top of me.” Annie said, “Well, what are you waiting for?”

I admitted that I am not really one for hooking up, and moreover, that I have the “analyze and emotional” problem. They both agreed that I was young and deserve to have fun. I told them tough that in gay culture it is hard to “have fun” and maintain a positive reputation. They both looked and me and said, “Jared, screw them. Don’t worry about labels, you are you, and have needs that need to be met.”

I got to thinking, that if you are a 20 to 30 something gay guy living in Cincinnati, and refuse to settle and you’re sexually active, it is inevitable that you’ll rack up a certain number of partners. But, how many men is too many men? Are we simply romantically challenged or are we sluts?

I am not going to define “slut,” I feel that is up to you. You have to accept your actions. And, I agree with Annie and Jenni, screw what other people think. As for me, I know I want something long term, but I figure that in the mean time I need to live life and go with the flow. If that makes me a “slut” under your standards…well that’s to damn bad.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 02:05:25 GMT

"60 and 40"

On Friday I did an activity in one of my communication classes. We were given the following list of “characteristics" and told to rate them in their most importance to us in describing a person with whom we would form a long-term, intimate relationship. Ranking the most important with #1 and the least important with #13. Here is my ranked list…

    1-     Desire for children
2-     Good health
3-     College graduate
4-     Intelligence
5-     Exciting personality
6-     Physical attractiveness
7-     Creativity
8-     Adaptability
9-     Good earning capacity
10- Kindness and understanding
11- Good heredity
12- Religious orientation
13- Good housekeeper

Yeah I was a little shocked myself. Must people had “kindness and understanding” as number one. In all honesty, I couldn’t help but wonder…do I want something out of the ordinary? Furthermore, I took a test thing online which tells you which ‘Sex and the City’ character you are based on the four elements Fire, Earth, Air and Water. Here are my results…

You scored 60% Carrie

Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body -- though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.

You scored 40% Charlotte

A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

My thoughts exactly…

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 14:25:14 GMT

"a Certain Thing"

We went out Friday night; it was a pretty good night and two cosmos definitely added to the fun. As I danced and walked around I got to thinking, why are we all here? Some of us go clubbing to hang out with friends, some go to dance, others to cocktail, and the rest to find Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.

More and more single gay guys of a certain age are looking for a certain thing. And, that certain thing does not necessarily involve a certain ring. We may have traded the little black book for a little cell phone, and replaced the Ferrari with Fitch. But, in view of certain evidence, I had to wonder…are we the new bachelors?

You would think we would all be looking for the same thing. But, I have come to the conclusion we aren’t. A majority of guys I have talked to say, they are just looking to have “fun.” Ok, that’s sounds great to me I like to have fun, and then I realized we all define fun differently. Some gay guys say fun is hooking-up, a large few define it as hanging out, and than a few as in like I and 7 others define it as being in a relationship doing adventures and spontaneous things. But, even after we clarify what kind of fun we want, we are still all seeking something different.

I have realized that a relationship is not just going to happen; it will take time, work, and some one who is equally interested. Let’s face it, we are the new bachelors! Guys we need to celebrate our bachelor hood, we are young, free and hot! Absolutely have your sort of fun. But, for the rest of us who a ready to leave our bachelor hood, what do we do…wait? No, we have fun with a smile. And, eventually that certain thing will come our way.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 23:16:26 GMT

"NASDAQ & Dating"

Sometime on Friday I go to thinking about the stock market and dating, are they really that different? If you have a bad stock you could lose your shirt…if you have a bad date you could lose your will to live. And, if the date is good the stakes get even higher. After weathering all the ups and downs you could one day find yourself with nothing. So, when it comes to finance and dating, I couldn’t help but wonder…Why do we keep investing?

A majority of us want the end result to be falling in love with a great guy. I know I do. That’s why I keep investing. I have realized it is all a process. Sometimes I invest to much, and others I don’t invest enough. I am notorious for wearing my heart on my sleeve, and let me tell you, I have gotten hurt. But, each time my stock market crashes I learn, and evaluate my different investing techniques. We have been raised to look at any situation with the end in mind, and what we can gain. Unfortunately, we can’t do that in dating or relationships, it’s a transactional process…unless you are an inside trader.

Invest slowly and watch the market. Clarify your terms…what is ‘dating?’ what is ‘commitment?’ what is ‘cheating?’ With clarification you will know and be able to follow the trend of the ever changing gay stocks. At the end of the day the NASDAQ might be down, but your stock is always up.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 15:19:18 GMT

"Ironic Symbolism"

This weekend is Valentine’s weekend. For some reason some one decided the one day wasn’t enough, so we now give him an entire weekend. Last night we went out, and they were passing out these heart things that lit up and flashed. Mine didn’t work… my heart was broken. For many people they would just think, “Oh it’s just a piece of crap.” OK, I’ll agree with that, however, I found this to be a little ironic. This is going to be my second Valentine’s Day of being single and “Valentineless.” My little light heart was broken… just as much as my actual emotional heart. Moreover, they were passing these hearts out, like as a giveaway. I went and asked for one, kind of like looking for love. Talk about ironic symbolism…

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 21:40:46 GMT

"Greatest Love"

This is not one of my normal posts. However, I have had so much on my mind lately. I will be be posting regularly again soon. But, in the mean time please think about the following.

What if prince charming had never showed up? Would Snow White have slept in that coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health-care package, and a baby from here local neighborhood sperm bank? I can’t help but wonder: inside every confident, driven single gay guy, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved?

Song...

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

Chorus:
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Chorus

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Friday, December 31, 2004

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 20:25:56 GMT

"A Resolution"

In the past 365 days we have witnessed life changing events. We have also, wondered about the “what if, and what would I say, and or do if...?” Maybe there are no right moments, no right guys, or right answers. Maybe you just have to say what is in your heart. Tonight many of us will surprise ourselves. When the clock strikes midnight tonight many New Years resolutions will be made. What is your New Years resolution, and is it coming from the heart ?

When you find yourself engaged in an activity that allows your head to take a break, and the experience brings you a sense of joy and passion like you haven't experienced in years, that's your heart speaking to you.

Your heart speaks in metaphors, analogies and images of possibility... the possibility of you stepping into your full potential and becoming who you are meant to be. Your head tries to find reasons and rationale to make that picture a reality, and as it tries to figure out how to "solve this challenge", inevitably fears, limitations and doubts surface within its borders. Your head is not against your heart, it's simply trying to protect you from getting hurt and it's doing its job by going through a logical, rational thought process.

When you allow your head to see the essence of the vision of what your heart is sharing with you, and you begin to believe that it's possible to make it happen, your head begins to partner with your heart and looks for ways to make the dream a reality. The simple act of believing and trusting is the bridge between your head and heart.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the decision that there is something more important than fear. Fears that surface when following your heart can be around, "what will others think?", "how will we succeed?", "how will we prosper?", "This is not logical/rational/practical", etc. Yet anything you fear losing, money, status/position, reputation, etc., is simply coming from the ego and from the need for symbols of external power. What we really fear when any of us follow our hearts is an increase in our vulnerability, because the kind of power we are embracing is internal, and not normally recognized in the outside world.

But the way of fear and doubt is a powerless dead end. The reality is that you have all the power you need at your disposal all the time, if you only recognize it and use it. The power is within you.

You cannot gain more personal power by refusing to recognize your fears, by anesthetizing yourself to what you feel. The road to authentic power is always through what you feel, through your heart. In the heart, we experience emotions. Emotions reflect intentions. Therefore, an awareness of your emotions leads to awareness of intentions and when you choose to create with the intentions of belief, trust, love and clarity, you gain personal power. When you align your thoughts, emotions and actions with the highest parts of yourself, you are filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning.

This New Year, I wish for you friendship, love, and mental stimulation. I hope you have the courage to do what you must to achieve the goals you seek. I wish strength for you when life is not what you wish. And that you follow your heart one hundred percent. Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 00:56:11 GMT

"Family History 101"

We spend most of our year focusing on us and our immediate needs. Throughout the year we talk “here-and-there” with our family. It isn’t until we get together for the holidays, that we actually celebrate the “family” and its history. Family celebration forced by the holiday season, or ignored throughout the year?

The fall quarter ended on December 10. Since my “Papa” and “Nana” live in Ohio, I decided to stay with them for the time being until we fly back to California We have spent a lot of time together talking, especially about current affairs and where the state our nation is headed for the future. for Christmas.

When seen for the first time my grandparents appear as “far right Republicans.” They live a lavish life style, a big home, luxury autos, recreational autos, fancy furniture, a “John-Dear,” and investments. Aside from their socioeconomic status, they hunt, are members of the NRA, “race dogs,” live in rural Ohio, and have stuffed creatures all throughout their house. I know this description sounds like the stereotypical Republican, but in our talks I found out that they are opposite of “right winged.” My “Papa” and “Nana” are liberal! They are both for, a woman’s right to chose, race equality, labor equality and gay rights. I was shocked.

My “Nana” and I had already talked about these things, so I knew her stance. However, what I didn’t know was the Hall family’s political history. I openly asked my “Papa,” how his ideology was shaped. Little did I know I was in for a story. I found that our family is originally from Tennessee. It was in Tennessee He had witnessed two black men hung for a crime they didn’t commit and a white guy fight a black guy over a front seat on the bus. He went on to tell me he was eight years old when this event occurred. He said, “Jack Jared I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. I felt scared and bad, but didn’t know what to. I wondered to myself why these men were being treated different just because of their race.” where my grandpa was raised and shaped his political thoughts.

I was flabbergasted with the story I was told. What I noticed even more than the story was the smile on my grandfather’s face and look in his eyes. It was the “look” that showed he was overtaken by my interest in his life. I also, noticed how much I have failed at inquiring about my family’s history.

Maybe the holiday season did force me to know more about the “Halls.” But, I will force myself to no longer ignore the family and its ties throughout the year. For this holiday season no mater what your celebration may be, remember to ask about your family history, you maybe be surprised at what you learn. This is the time of caring and giving. We all have the special gift of love… let’s give it. Happy Holidays and Best Wishes to all.