My Final Address

It has been almost 4 years since I have been educating the World Wide Web about my life through xanga. It has been a long, winding road, which to me, has only really produced any merit until this past year. I have tried to change some views through this xanga, and overall have felt that I have failed miserably. Over the years, I have grown to become incredibly bold and versatile when it came to elaborating my thoughts and feelings through words, where my social and speaking skills have withered horribly. Perhaps they were never there, but the fact that xanga has enhanced my thought process bothers me slightly. However, it has been brought to my attention that many of you do read my blog on a daily basis, and in the instance of two siblings, actually converse about the many topics I have plundered through. Although this xanga has been my way to share a part of myself with you all, unfortunately, or fortunately, it has time for me to close its doors and lay the beast to die a peaceful death.

The war of information gathering is neverending, and my attempts as to make a dent into that world have failed a thousand fold. But this is not the reason that I have decided to end my online blogging. I feel as though this xanga is not something I want to take with me as I leave for college. It is a part of me that I am proud of, yet at the same time, ashamed of. To explain why it shames me, is something I really don't understand. Mostly, I feel that xanga is just something that I should keep here, at home. I would love to keep all who are interested in my life updated through this, but again, as I am done with High School and going onto said "bigger better things", i feel that Xanga is a symbol of a simpler time. A better time where a word could be shared, where thoughts could be challeneged, where sympathies could be outreached. Unfortunately, I strongly believe that where I am headed is a place where words will fall no where but deaf ears, thoughts turn into rules, and sympathies is a word mistaken for a large wind ensamble. Yet here I am, standing by my decision to go into this "adult world."

To all of you who found solace in my writing and really learned something from it, thank you. I am sorry that I won't be continuing this anymore, but your comments, personal feedbacks, praise, and dedication to my weblog were all , and will be, incredibly appreciated.

My name is Forrest. I am unsure about myself, and the world around me. I would like to find peace alone and happiness together. Oh, the world ; complex as it is simple.

Good luck, and Farewell.

Insomnia part 2

okay, I know for a fact now I am not just being dumb. I really am having sleep problems. Perfect timing, don't you think? Other than that, I've nothing else to say.

I'm gettin' to old for this shit

I don't know what has changed since earlier in the summertime, where I was going out night after night until wee hours in the morning, but after the past few days, I am exhausted.

Wednesday with Taz was fun. It was nice to see him say bye to everyone. And man, the Freshman UH dorms are not as bad as everyone says they are. Also, Carly has such a nice apartment. Seriously. Hot damn. Unfortunately, after all that happy fun time, Taz, who has become quite a great friend in the past few years, is gone. His family is incredibly nice. While we were at the airport, they were all very friendly. After Taz had gone through the security check, they all said goodbye to me, hugged and kissed me, and wished me luck in college. Perhaps they were just so moved by their #1 leaving, or they're just genuinly great people. Again, I will go for the latter.

Cross-Country. Goddamn, I am sore.

Starbucks never fails to entertain me with great people. It makes me sad that everyone who is leaving is finally gone (except James) and it made me really sad. Mostly, I blame Mallorie for her impeccable talent to ruin a moment with a "this will never happen again because you're all leaving!!!" type sentence, but it was really sad that I won't be able to do that anymore, with these people, in that starbucks, in those seats anymore. We went cosmic bowling after which was really fun. I don't know why I bowl so much. I suck so bad.

Its finally sinking in that I'm leaving. I've been to the airport so much as the see-off-er, that I hadn't realized that I wil soon be the one walking through the gates, leaving people I have grown to care for so much, behind.

Insomnia

I went to bed at 12... maybe 1AM

it is now 6AM. I am wide awake. Why? I don't know. Is there any abundant stress in my life? No. I had a dream where I was doing standup at a party for my grandfather and everyone was laughing but him. In that same dream, Carrie Bradshaw was there, and supposedly reoccuring, because our conversation seemed that way. I had another dream where the Sailor Scouts were getting their heads eaten by this monster, and the way you killed his henchmen were by squishing their balls. The monster died because he didn't eat all the hearts in time, and someone killed him.

And then I woke up

I was sitting there. Groggy, but wide awake none-the-less. My mom called, and when it rang I hoped it was someone else. And now I am sitting on xanga. Howcome I can't sleep? My stomach hurts because I ate a lot last night. I've been waking up a lot in the nighttime. For some reason, I can't sleep well. I hope this isn't a problem once I leave..... once I leave....

Books are expensive, but I saved money because I already have one in my library. That made me feel incredibly college-bound.

Superbad and The Final Countdown

So I've been feeling super good lately. Like, great. I've never felt this way before. Its fantastic. Its super. But unfortunately, I know it won't last. And I will eventually feel like shit. This isn't being negative, mind you. This is  being truthful. It is a time bomb, basically, and it will be awesome until a certain point and then it will all be gone, and I will be miserable for quite some time. But I guess that's just how things will be from now on. I don't like the idea of growing up. The adult world's rules are so fucked up.

Anyway, This is my last week here. It will be a conflict between my psycho-parents, who want me to spend time with them (which means they wnat me to be home in my room while they do their own stuff i.e: sleep), and all you folks who want to see me before I go. I don't leave until August 29th, but that whole week will probably be non-friend time. So This is the last chance I will get to probably see some of you for the rest of my life.