We are off to Arizona tomorrow.  I forgot to set my alarm so I didn't get up in time to print out my boarding passes so we got "B"s on the first leg of the flight. 

That's okay.  The last couple times I've taken that 7:15 am to Chicago, there were about 20 people total on the plane. 

For the second leg, we have "A"s.

I checked the weather and we are getting a break.  It should only be around 104 - 105 while we're there.  When we went in August a few years back it was over 120 the whole time we were there....except at night when it went down into the 90s.

But it's a dry heat........

This is a complicated issue.  My loss of trees. 

When I try to explain it to my friends (in emails), it is hard to find the words to describe how this has impacted me.  But events of yesterday have seemed to help me, a bit, in defining the depth of this tragedy on my life.

Yesterday my entire family and I went to New York City for a Yankees game.  The traveling went well, the weather cooperated (except it was pretty darn hot!!!) and the game was awesome!!!  The one game I went to last year, not only did the Yankees lose, but they only got ONE hit the entire game.  One hit!!!  Yesterday’s game resulted in an extra-inning win for the Yankees with a walk off single in the 10^th.  So exciting!  But when we got home, we found that the tree cutters had been on our property again and cut down the last remaining 4 pines along our driveway.

So, here is what it feels like to me.

I move to this place that is beautiful.  Stunningly beautiful.  We buy this house that is the best house I could have ever bought.  Not only is it cool on the inside, with unusual architecture and big open rooms on the ground floor, but the views are awesome.  I have this wonderful house up on a hill, protected all around by beautiful pines that remind me of my childhood at Eagle Lake.  I have my gardens (that I can putter around in 3 seasons a year) that show me new beauty all the time.  And the main part of the downstairs, the part of the downstairs I am in all day every day, is just a big wall of windows looking out onto my beautiful pines in my backyard.  I go out and have my coffee on the deck and listen to the pines singing in the wind…listen to the birds….and thank God for giving me this spot, at least, to have my little sanctuary where I feel close to him even if I am so far away from the friends that I love.

We would sit on the deck in the late afternoon and enjoy the cooler air and grill some food for dinner.  And, most days in the summer, at least, I would sit out and have my lunch there, too.  In the house, the kitchen and the computer area, looks out on my pines and I can be in there, day or night, and feel so safe and cozy in my little house on the hill.  And I would say to myself….well, I may not have any friends and I may not have a social life and my physical body may be going down hill and I may still be wondering why God led us to this place but at least I know that God gave us this beautiful house and this wonderful sanctuary where I can always feel calm and see God’s beauty all around me.

Then we learned that the previous owners of this house had lied and concealed things from us.  We learned that the reason why they sold this house and stayed living in a tiny rental in our town is because they saw what was coming.  They knew that after the next town over forced them to put a hideous airplane warning light on their roof and after all the trees on the property had been cut down exposing the “backyard” to the street, the sun and all the neighbors, that they would be lucky to ever sell the house let alone get their asking price for it!  So, they got out while the getting’ was good.

Then yesterday the tree cutters came again. 

So, what does this mean?

They can come, anytime they want, and take anything they want.  That is what it means.  It means that my house is no longer “mine”.  It belongs to them.  They can force us to put a light on it.  They can cut down our trees.  They can come while we are gone and do whatever they want and we can’t stop them.  That is what it means.

It means that the whole entire design of my house ( a wall of windows looking out on my backyard sanctuary) is now out of place….awkward…wrong.  I have no privacy within my house and definitely not on my deck.

My raspberry bushes all died.  They were in a protected corner of my property with just the right amount of shade.  Now they are in a very exposed open space and they just all curled up and died.

I feel lied to.  I feel like my house has been stolen from me.  I feel like I’m living on rental property and the landlord can come do whatever he wants to the place.  I feel like all our finances have just been compromised (because we’ll never be able to sell this place now).

I feel  like I have lost beauty, sanctuary, and a connection to my childhood. 

So, where is God in all of this?  Trying to teach me that I don’t need anything but Him?

It was nice to get away.  Even if it was a bit of a weird weekend.  We had some fun activities.  Got to see fireworks twice...once on the fourth and once on the fifth when we went to a Rochester Redwings game with our good friend Brian.  Brian says "Hi" to all of you out there in Illinois, by the way!!!

So, nothing new.  My trees are still gone so here's some photos of my flowers which are still here...for now.

If a flower blooms but no one sees it, is it still beautiful?

If everyone is asleep, do you still hear the snoring?