P_o_e_t's Xanga

Philosophied...

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:11:05 GMT

A few months ago, I finished reading ‘Beyond Good and Evil’. It was an act I don’t think I was fully prepared for. Having invested most of my ‘reading experience’ on literature written in the past half century, I was somewhat surprised to discover how spoiled I am. The consistency of our modern day prose and writers’ abilities to convey ideas in a practical, almost ‘dumbed-down’, manner have turned me into an unchallenged, complacent reader. Friedrich’s writing style was a new experience for me, to put it lightly.

Among the quirks on my list was the common use of vague (and often subtle) allusions to relevant people and events in his life, which proved problematic given that he lived in the 19th century. The construction of Nietzsche’s sentences and paragraphs also came across as cryptic to me. The fact that the book was translated from German was only another layer of complexity shrouding the already profound and enigmatic concepts.

Regardless, it was a challenge I was compelled to face. I’ve always been intrigued by other people’s perspectives, eager to engage in conversation and debate about it. We’re all on this journey to define our own personal philosophy, whether we’re cognizant of it or not. I’ve always been personally focused on morality (stemming from theology) and logic. After reading BG&E, I must concede that I am simply a pitiful neophyte.

I was fascinated by a lot of Nietzsche’s ideas. The ‘philosopher’s bias’ and ‘will to power’ are a couple that quickly come to mind. The concept that our perceptions and philosophies are ultimately controlled by our physiological limitations was a real eye opener. The assertion that we are uncontrollably driven by our will was also incredibly appealing. What really hit home was the situation in which our powerful instinctive needs clash directly with many of the objectives of our society. I’ve often thought about how dissatisfied we can be about things in our lives. It makes sense to me that we would be able to trace the fundamental problem to that of a very basic emotional or physiological need being superseded by an artificial societal requirement. For example, we spend all this time at work, establishing a livelihood in order to satisfy our desires. Why can’t we just simply satisfy our desires, why bother with this 'work' crap? Our will drives us to do just that, yet society requires us to ‘earn’ that satisfaction through some productive effort. This fundamental conflict, I believe, is often the culprit for our general dissatisfaction. I confess this was an anemic attempt at an interpretation/explanation, but it was the best I could muster at 1:30am. Prepare for another one….

This particular book didn’t really delve into fatalism (unless I somehow fell asleep through that part and skipped over the relevant pages), but a brief, yet illuminating, conversation with Ethan helped provide some clarity. The previous example kind of leads into the idea that there’s no such thing as 'free will'. Despite our unbelievably powerful will, we always find ourselves compelled by these forces in our lives that determine our next actions. Whether it’s going to school, finding a job, or taking out the garbage, we’re constantly blocking our inner yearning for that ‘thing that makes us happy’. So despite our ability to have a will (or these desires), we are by no means 'free' to simply do as our will wishes.

Anyway, it was a heavy, heavy read. I am certain that I’ve only scratched the surface, and probably won’t get any further without some further healthy discussion and research. I expect to revisit Nietzsche in the future, but I suppose I’ll give Greek philosophy a shot first.

As an aside, I was pleasantly surprised to find a section of the book that was basically a collection of Nietzsche’s short ideas. It was here where I found the quotes that I was most familiar with: “When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you” and “Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one.” This really excited me because I actually keep a journal of my own in a similar format. I basically jot down a simple lesson learned or reflection for the day, addressed to myself. No more, no less. In retrospect, I’ve found the effort to be incredibly rewarding. Leafing through my history and observing a rapid succession of insightful moments in time is an amusing, humbling, and inspiring experience. In closing, I’d like to share a few random snippets with you:

July 17, 2002: If you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for anything…

July 26, 2002: Life is Beautiful….

July 27, 2002: Life is Hard…

September 11, 2002: A poet is not direct, but is still able to gracefully and subtly transfer his emotion through his words (and actions)...

December 2, 2002: I believe that faith in heart and faith through action is stronger that faith through ritual…

December 2, 2002: It is remarkable how depression ignites the motivation to do preposterous things…

November 30, 2003: Sometimes, fate takes pleasure in stripping you of yours…

November 11, 2007: If you ever want to appreciate the evolutionary value of opposable thumbs, jam them…

January 4, 2008: Time is a fickle creature: eager to run out when you’re having fun, and stands still when you’re miserable…

February 24, 2008: When the opportunity to converse freely and deeply presents itself, seize it without hesitation, and cherish it without inhibition…

October 9, 2008: Take the time to observe the wind in the trees and the stars in the night sky; to listen to birds sing and children play; to reflect and record. You won’t regret it…

To: Armand

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:23:06 GMT

Dear Armand,

How do we value life? What drives us to fight through each day, and wake up the next? What makes us cling so dearly to our existence? What would it take for us to give it all up?

We all deal with tragedy differently. Some rely on subterfuge, holding the proverbial 'smiling mask' to their face. Others gravitate to various forms of emotional support, or find some physical outlet to release, or use the situation for personal gain, or find that they are simply immune to the trauma. I realize now that I tend to plunge into the emotional shit-storm at the heart of the situation; in order to languish in harmony with those who are suffering (or have suffered). I NEED to feel your pain; your frustration, your longing, your loneliness, your complete and utter sadness. I need to understand, to empathize. It turns me into a depressing, irrational, irritable, non-productive mess. It's a masochistic and inefficient method, but it's my way, and I am a firm believer in the old adage "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger". I need to feel it, so that I may learn from it, so I may do everything in my power to prevent it from ever happening again.

If I am to come to terms with this tragedy, Armand, I need to understand everything. How could you have felt? What could have caused this? What could have prevented it? How could I not have known? I need you to know that I understand, and that I have learned from it. I need you to know that I will take your legacy and, God Damnit, I'm going to do something good about it.

I think back on all of the time we spent together. You were always so happy, so gleeful, so helpful. Youth has such power in its playful innocence, you never think twice about what could be wrong when you see a smile on one's face or hear their hearty laugh. I wish I could have seen it. I wish I could have understood what you were trying to tell us, and given you what you really needed. But wishing gets us nowhere.

I know now, that you needed acceptance, respect, love. You needed to know that what you did, who you were; was good enough. You needed your parents to know, and for them to let you know. My dear friend, you had it, you had it all. It is difficult in the extreme to find a man of such quality. Kindness, compassion, humility, generosity, talent, intelligence, humor, style, wit. The world was clay in your hands, patiently waiting for you to mold it as you saw fit. I regret that your greatest weakness was your inability to perceive such beauty in yourself, and our greatest failing was not to recognize it in a way you could absorb it.

Armand, how tragic, how terribly, horribly tragic that you left us, not knowing how magnificent you were. You were the best of us, and you didn't even have to try. You were the unintended victim of expectations, and I swear to you, no child will suffer that same fate if I can make one iota of a difference.

You will be remembered as a great man. One who strove for perfection and cultivated the best in others. A man who would brighten the life of everyone he touched. A friend who would be there no matter what the circumstance. An ally with the skill to turn the tides. A son who accomplished everything they asked of him. I will remember you as a hero. A tragic hero who fought for all he believed in, who sacrificed everything in his quest: to make the world a better place; to "know even one life has breathed easier because he has lived". I will remember the joy that you brought to my life and the agony you caused by leaving it. And with that, I will always remember the message you wanted to send.

I pledge to you, Armand: I will always take meticulous care for my loved ones. I will show them my love at every appropriate opportunity. I will make each demonstration of love meaningful, valuable, and powerful. I will be more cognizant of those in need (not just physically now, but emotionally), and I will never hesitate to reach out and make a difference. I will raise my future kids with tender love and care. And though I will have great aspirations for them, they will do the best that they can, and that will be far more than I could ever ask for. I will let them know that I am proud of them, and I will make sure that they are both proud and humble in their own accomplishments.

You died on Sunday, June 15, 2008, Father's Day. I hear you loud and clear, Armand. Please know that I respected you, admired you, loved you, more than you ever knew. Please know that you did not die in vain. I will carry with me every ounce of your suffering, and it will empower me to make the best of my life and this world.

I hope that you are resting in peace. I dream that you are in a place of happiness. A place where there is deliciously fresh all-you-can eat sushi 24 hours a day. A place full of friends to play Rock Band, Wii, and ultimate frisbee. Where choirs sing with you in glorious harmony, and audiences smile as your hands gracefully glide across the piano keys. I dream that you are standing in front of a mirror, and that you are truly, truly, truly smiling; smiling because you know how wonderful a person you are, and that you succeeded in every way you needed to. I dream that I will see you again one day, I will join you in your place of happiness, and I will breathe easier.

With love,
Jeremy Dela Rosa

This is what happens when I watch a good movie...

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:12:59 GMT

Kim and I recently had the good fortune to be granted with a 1-year subscription to Netflix (thanks, Kristy!). I’ve been building up a rather extensive ‘movie wishlist’ over the years and I finally have an instrument to make those disc-shaped desires magically materialize in my mailbox. Being a minimalist and (somewhat hypocritically) a slight anti-materialist, I’ve long since given up on collecting much of anything physical, especially DVD’s. It becomes increasingly challenging to justify storing a large number of movies that have a re-watch rate of 0. When the need to appease nostalgia arises, the simple action of ‘adding to queue’ effectively nullifies the requirement for a physical library. I wonder how long the concept of collecting DVD’s will remain popular; under the shadow of looming online rental monstrosities and the digital distribution revolution.

This past weekend, I watched Stranger Than Fiction. I added it to my queue, expecting to have a good laugh and experience a unique story-telling device (the whole fictional-character-is-a-real-person-scenario). Little did I know, I would eventually find myself deeply moved and inspired. I find it odd, considering most movies starring Will Ferrell tend to evoke a response much more… tangible.

One theme that really hit home was Will’s character liberating himself from the shackles of his mundane life; shackles that were completely self-imposed. It’s funny how blind we can be sometimes. We live according to a set of rules, expectations, and obligations every day; sometimes necessary, sometimes arbitrary. It’s the arbitrary ones that concern me, which are often the ones that make us miserable. What is an action without value or merit? At any rate, it really makes a lot of sense to me that we need to spend less time worrying about the troubles in our lives, bearing these great burdens on our shoulders; and just make a change. I suspect that our ability to prevent misery is restricted by this false sense of necessity. My lesson learned: Break free, live your life, be happy, and share it.

Committed

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:32:07 GMT

As some of you may have heard, I somehow managed to get engaged earlier this month. I've been told that 7 years is too long a 'wait', but I'm a firm believer in the contrary. From the beginning, I've maintained the conviction that the more time you invest in understanding and adapting to your partner, the healthier your marriage will be. A commitment that persists for…well, a lifetime… simply strikes me as something that requires a thorough initial assessment, in conjunction with rigorous maintenance.

Regardless, I've known for a while now that Kim and I were meant to be together, and I feel that the timing couldn't be more appropriate. We've reached a level of maturity both individually and in our relationship that I find extremely comforting. It hasn't come easily; we've argued, screamed, and driven each other to tears countless times. However, the one thing I'm truly grateful for is our persistence, patience, and openness. It's really driven us forward in terms of how we learn from our mistakes and handle each other. It's really a beautiful thing: to be able to take a step back and view our relationship as an evolving organism; our personalities intertwined: constantly clashing, merging, and influencing each other.

My friend, Ethan, once said to me (when describing his relationship with his girlfriend, Vanessa): "You know how I know I love her? It's because I can't possibly imagine myself being with any other person in this world." I couldn't agree more with that sentiment. I tried to envision myself in that hypothetical situation. It is a depressing, desolate place, where I find myself completely... incomplete.

So we've begun planning for a wedding, and I'm interested in hearing your thoughts. Our top choice is to have a wedding in the Philippines, which I understand can be a slight inconvenience for most of you. I wanted to share my side of the story before you broke out the pitchforks and lit the torches.

Of late, I've become rather disenchanted with weddings in our society. From my experience, they've grown formulaic and are increasingly exploited. I'm no longer surprised to hear of markup prices at 500-600%. In my area, couples are spending ~$30k just to meet status quo; that figure being the lowest of the range. It's a price tag I'm not particularly anxious to throw my bank account at.

There are a number of factors that contribute to the idea of a destination wedding:

The aforementioned cost - The conversion rate and cost of labor in the PI sways heavily in our favor. Even the cost of subsidizing our guests would be outweighed by our overall savings.
Uniqueness - I've always tried to avoid being a conformist, especially when the act of conforming results in making an irrational decision. I'm sure this is a contributor to my 'un'-popularity, but my need to be accepted is light-years behind my need to stand by my convictions. There will be many weddings for many people. I personally wish to try something different and I think it'd nice to give others the opportunity to experience something new as well.
Family - My recent visit to the Philippines was enriching; as much as my trip to India was enlightening. When it came to the value of relationships (relative to material possessions), I experienced a pleasant reawakening. When we were leaving the PI, my uncle, in tears from our departure, made a request: "You have your wedding here, so we can be with you". Well, perhaps it wasn’t so much a request as a humble demand. Regardless, what he said still resonates with me. I was deeply touched by the warmth and hospitality we received from all my cousins, Titos (uncles), and Titas (aunts). I find myself with a fortuitous opportunity to pay them back. We have the luxury of celebrating anything we want (at any time) here in the U.S. Regrettably, we can’t say the same for our family out there.

Now that I've gotten some of my reasoning on the table, I'm interested in hearing what you have to say. I know that asking all of my guests to buy plane tickets and take a vacation for my wedding is a lot, and more often than not, too much. I understand that the greatest cost of planning a wedding like this is preventing my loved ones from attending. Though I personally feel there is consolation in the fact that we will have other opportunities to celebrate together, I’m curious to see if you all share the sentiment.

Getting To Know Your Friends

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 14:56:43 GMT

I received this e-mail from my cousin, Monica, and figured it could be used most effectively as an excuse to throw up a long overdue post.

Welcome to the 2008 edition of 'Getting To Know Your Friends'. Copy and paste the questions onto your own blog (or e-mail), update the answers and share. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
9:30 AM

2. Diamonds or pearls?
I don't care for either.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Cloverfield

4. What is your favorite TV show?
It's a tie between Lost/Heroes

5.What do you usually have for breakfast?
Light Vanilla Soy Milk & Some kind of healthy cereal

6. What is your middle name?
James

7. What food do you dislike?
Now that I've been forced to actually think about it, I have to say that there's not a single food I truly dislike.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Alicia Keys - As I Am

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Honda CR-V

10. Favorite sandwich?
Lately it's been lox & cream cheese with arugula & onion on focaccia bread. There's an excellent upscale deli right by the office.

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Blind ignorance

12. Favorite item of clothing?
Jeans

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Australia & Japan

14. What color is your bathroom?
Yellow-ish?

15. Favorite brand of clothing?
Ben Sherman

16. Where would you retire to?
Plug me into the Matrix, please. The happy video game version, of course.

17.What was your most recent memorable birthday?
26th - Threw a fund-raiser party for food bank and raised $665. Friends, video games, food & drinks... I couldn't have asked for more.

18. Favorite sport to watch?
UFC

19. Furthest place you are sending this?
I suppose outer space. I'm assuming at one point this data could be bounced off a satellite internet connection.

20. Who do you least expect to send this back?
pretty much everybody

21. Person you expect to send it back first?
Mina, because she's the most active blogger I know.

22. Favorite saying(s)?

"To laugh oftenand much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection ofchildren; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure thebetrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best inothers; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, agarden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life hasbreathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

23. When is your birthday?
10/27

24. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I alternate

25. What is your shoe size?
10.5

26. Pets?
I've had fish, but Kim is trying to convince me that they don't count.

27.Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
Isn't news inherently 'new'? I guess the biggest recent event is Kim moving in with me. It is indeed very exciting. It's great to be able to see her more often. We'd grown accustomed to spending about 1 night during the week & weekends together. I know that transitions always have their fair share of difficulties, and I remember the friction we had back in college when we spent so much time together. I'm not naive enough to think that we won't have our fights, so I've made sure we set our expectations and prepare ourselves with patience and an open mind. We're doing some cool things in rearranging the house as well, you guys should come check it out soon!

28. What did you want to be when you were little?
A superhero

29. How are you today?
Doing very well. Nothing can influence your disposition more strongly than perspective. Whenever things are looking grim, I just think about the unfortunate people in this world that are truly suffering. Those people would do anything to have the luxuries that I often take for granted. When you look at it that way, it's hard to really justify any complaints.

30. What is your favorite candy?
I don't usually eat candy, but I have a soft spot for Gummy Sour Worms or Reese's Pieces

31. What is your favorite flower?
I'm partial to my namesake...

32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
3/8/08

33. What church do you attend?
The metaphorical one: prayer. It's where I feel closest to God.

34. What is your full name?
Jeremy James Dela Rosa

35. What are you listening to right now?
The fans whirring in my computer. In a few minutes it will be the Buzz Out Loud podcast.

36. What was the last thing you ate?
Hummus & Triscuits

37. Do you wish on stars?
They're much better utilized as targets for gazing.

38. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Half Black, Half White

39. How is the weather right now?
39 degrees, I'm freezing

40. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Kimberly, she went to NJ for the weekend

41. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Of course!

42. Favorite soft drink?
For taste: snapple iced tea, for function: coca-cola zero

43. Favorite restaurant(s)?
There are way too many on my list, but if I had to answer based on frequency, I'd say Jackson Hole (burgers) & Jackson Diner (Indian). Unfortunately, my last experience at Jackson Hole wasn't so great... thought it may have been a fluke, it seems as if they've reduced the size of their burgers.

44. Hair color?
Dark brown

46. Favorite day of the year?
12/25

47. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Nintendo Entertainment System

48. Summer or winter?
Summer

49. Hugs or kisses?
hugs, I guess

50. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla

51. Do you want your friends to email you back?
Sure, why not?

52. When was the last time you cried?
Probably not too long ago, a few months maybe?

53. What is under your bed?
The floor. I didn't bother with a frame, it's already too big.

54. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
I think it's a tie between Greg & Jed

55. What did you do last night?
Cleaned the house until 2am

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 22:56:49 GMT

A quote form Oscar Wilde I found quite interesting:

"A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of creatures. But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating. The worse their rhymes, the more picturesque they look. The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets make a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise."

Considering the mediocrity of my writing skill, my actions must bear the fiery passion of a thousand suns!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Wed, 17 May 2006 15:15:08 GMT

A special thank you goes out to Mustafa for sharing his experience and opening up my eyes to this opportunity.

This is Tejay Tating Tolledo:

He's 11 years old and lives in Catanduanes, Philippines. I'm sponsoring him through an organization called the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging (CFCA) www.cfcausa.org. With a donation of $30 a month I'm able to help Tejay with necessities like healthcare, food, clothing, and education. I don't think I could ever make a wiser investment.

I finally sent my first letter to Tejay after a couple weeks of toiling through revisions. Unfortunately, I'm only supposed to write a relatively brief and simple letter that gets translated at the site, so my main message may go unread (or uninterpreted), perhaps indefinitely. Regardless, I cling to the hope that one day Tejay will be able to unfold the papers, read through my words through his own ability, and understand.

This is a copy of the letter I wrote to him, it pretty much sums up how I feel about this sponsorship:

Tejay,

It is both a pleasure and an honor to be your sponsor. I am very thankful for the opportunity to help you and your family. I hope that in time, we can also grow to be friends despite the seemingly vast distance between us.

To introduce myself, my name is Jeremy James Dela Rosa. I was born in Queens, New York, USA. My parents are Rosita and Jaime Dela Rosa, who both came from the Philippines. My mother was from Manila, and my father was from Bataan. I was raised in New Jersey and New York for most of my life, where I was very lucky to have a healthy environment, a good education, and a diverse cultural experience. I consider myself an open-minded person. I am always willing to listen to anything people have to say, and I am always interested in learning and understanding the perspectives of others.

There is so much that I would like to share with you, but I will save some of it for future letters. Overall, I am extremely grateful for the things that I have, and all the opportunities that I have been given. I thank God every day for all the wonderful things in my life, in the world, and throughout the universe. I thank my family, my friends; all of my loved ones for enriching my life, not simply by saying 'thank you', but rather by showing them through my actions that I care about them. In the same way, I choose to show my 'thanks' to God (and everyone) by sharing my blessings with you. I believe that it is my responsibility, my duty, to give you opportunities as I have been given opportunities, because I am not the only one that should have them. I am not a perfect person, I am not even a great person, and I am no more worthy to receive the things I receive than anyone else. I am just someone trying to figure out what is right and just, and I feel that helping you is the right thing to do. I want to make the world a better place, and if this small sacrifice of money will help you even a little bit, then I would consider it an act well worth taking.

Tejay, always remember that the money that I give to you represents more than just the means to purchase the things you need. It represents more than the time and effort it took for me to earn it.

It represents COMPASSION. Everyone should care about the people around them. We can never make a better world until we stop thinking about ourselves and start helping each other.

It represents LOVE. We are all the same people, we are all brothers and sisters, and we should love everyone as we would our closest companions. Whether you are Filipino, Chinese, American, Iraqi, or Russian; or if you are Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, or Athiest; or if you are short, tall, blind, crippled, ugly, or beautiful: the truth is we are all still family.

It represents HOPE. Hope that your life will improve, hope that you will experience the same joys that I have felt in my life, hope that you will grow up to be healthy, wise, and kind. It is my hope that together, we can make the world a better place, one person at a time.

I wish you the best of luck, and I will pray for you and your family. I know that this will be a great experience for the both of us, and I know that I will learn a lot from you. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Your new friend,
Jeremy Dela Rosa

Steven Colbert rules!!

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 21:14:27 GMT

So I got to go see the Colbert Report with Bebe and a couple co-workers last Wednesday. I managed to get VIP tickets by showing up late to an earlier show that I had tickets for. Front row seats, woo-hoo! Thankfully, he was on fire that night, (he's on and off every now and then), so it was a real blast. I tried to sneak in a few pics, but this is all I could come up with.

Here's the left stage with the lights off (where he hosts most of the show). You can see his desk in the top right corner. He was literally 6 feet away from us.

Overall it was a ton of fun. They had a warm-up comedian getting the crowd prepped to laugh, and then we got to see the toss between Steve and Jon Stewart at the end of the Daily Show. Then before he came out, Colbert spent some time answering questions and messing around with the audience. Must do again!

Room Renovation Pics

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 04:34:08 GMT

I finally put together my photos of my bedroom renovations. Here it is:

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2107485075

I hope that link works....

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 05:43:35 GMT