| these aren't my words and i definately don't take credit for them but when i read this i just thought this is so "me". i so long for these same desires and hope that this new year will be different..that i'll be different. different in a good way. in the way that when people look at me i want them to see the love that i have for our Heavenly Father just overflowing out of me. that He is my true love and my desire and nothing else matters. and nothing else ever will. so read these words...
2005 is over.
Such a flood of memories.
This year was one of the most full, most impacting years of my life.
Standing outside last night, as I watched fireworks light up the sky and counted down the seconds to the start of the new year, everything about this past year came back to me in a flood. 2005 was a year full of surprises, blessings, difficult decisions, insecurity, doubt, forgiveness, restoration, new friendships, new experiences, and being reassured of God's plan and provision in my life. I made many decisions this year......some great and some small, but ALL have made an impact - good or bad - on my life and those around me. I have changed this year; I can feel it. I like it though. We've all changed. We're all different...we're not who we were last year at this time. Many of us are not even who we were on May 7th, when we said goodbye to our high school years forever. Graduating is a wonderful thing, but it can also be hard. Hard to look back and remember the four years we all spent together, knowing that now we've all gone our separate ways...that we will never again be the same. But God is good. And He has each of us where we are meant to be. And sometimes, that's all we need to know - that GOD is still GOD and we are still held in the palm of His hand.
Shortly after midnight last night, we all shared what we were most thankful to God for during the year 2005. The more I thought about it, the more I realized -- I am thankful that God has a plan for my life, and that He doesn't just do what I want Him to do. Funny how my plans seem so perfect at the time, but with a simple snap of His fingers, God unfolds a plan so much more glorious and wonderful than my own. It's really not about me, at all. It's really not even my life. But I get so caught up in planning, and in setting goals for my life, and in living up to the world's expectations, that I forget.....I was created to give glory and honor and praise to my Creator; the Love of my Soul; the GREAT I AM. And in the light of this calling, all else fades away.
Last year was hard.
I had to make decisions that I never wanted to make. Lots of them.
I felt God pulling me in directions that stretched me and felt uncomfortable, and I ran as long and far as I could...but He is God. And He won, as He always does. And looking back, and thinking of the plans I'd made for myself, I am so thankful that He did. Yet sometimes, even though I know His plans are perfect, and that He knows what He's doing, I still manage to doubt Him -- I still manage to plan my future around *my* desires, rather than seek Him and His will. Why this mindset that I know more than Christ, the Creator and Savior of the world??
I want to be different next year.
I want to be known for my love and passion for Christ.
Nothing else.
I want to take my mistakes from 2005, my hurts, the ways in which I disappointed myself and others, and learn from them. 2006 WILL be different.
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yay!! so excited to see everyone i haven't seen in what seems to be waaaay too long! can't wait to see all my houston loves! it's going to be a blast! 