|
| soo in lovei am sooooooooooo in love!!! like you dont know... well you may know if you have expirienced this feeling before... i havent ever felt like this.. he makes me feel so special and beautiful... and guess the fuck what! he asked me to marry him!!! omg i said yes, of course.... it is soon but i know i am gonna be with him forever and ever!! but i dont want to actually get married untill a few years... we can just have a long engagment and move in together and get our lives in order before we take that huge step... i think it will be better that way... and then we could actually pay for it ourselves and not have to go to vegas or some shit... i dont wanna go to vegas to get married... i am sure you understand... but i dont want a huge wedding either... i think it should be something shared with the most special people in your life, like family and really close friends.... the reception however could be huge and it will be! haha idk why i am talking about my wedding when its not gonna happen for many years hahaaha... its just nice to dream | | |
| *sigh*once again i am in the best part of life and the worst.... well maybe not the worst... but its a really good thing and a bad thing going on right now... i have met someone new... fuck the old guy he can seriously suck my dick... i know i said i was in love last time, but this is wayyy better than what i had last time... we dont fight ever... i mean i know we will soon enough but not fighting right now is a good thing... i really dont know how or why i met this new guy but i am sooo grateful because he makes me soooooo happy and he says the sweetest things all the time... hes so real and wont lie to me about anything... you could say hes blunt i guess but not blunt as in dirty all the time... idk but i love it and i love him... he loves almost everything i love.. except south park he hates but thats okay... he will like it soon enough, haha... but the bad news is school... i changed classes and i have this really hard teacher... it might not seem too bad, but you do not know.... he will fail you if you dont know something or dont know the right way to answer questions... omg stress and anxiety 24/7... like i think i am getting really messed up from this but i guess i just have to deal cuz i cant do anything about it... hes not gonna not teach the way he wants or listen to anyone... whatevs.. i guess i just have to look at all these good things that have been happening to me.. like my boyfriend :)... he always makes me smile and laugh.. i am talking to him right now and smiling like crazyy.... i think i smell something that is going to last a long time!!!
<3
| | |
| it seems so easy...sometimes when i am driving down the road i think about how easily it would be to turn the wheel just a bit and then slam into the on coming traffic... i feel like everyone would be better off without me here bugging them with my stupid depression problems and my self hate... i just dont know who to turn to... my best friend is going thru a lot of shit right now and i dont want to bother her.... again.... i hate talking about my problems to people because i feel like they are judging me or they just wont believe me at all... and people wont even know what to say to me and then i will feel even worse... i am sure this is just my depressed mind talking but i cant help feeling this way... the only one who can really make me feel better is my boyfriend (really exboyfriend) but since we arent really together anymore i feel like i cannot talk to him ... he has said i can call hiim whenever but still... i need to talk to like a shrink or something but thats so fuckin expensive... i have just been SO sad lately and i am scared what the future is going to bring... i dont think i am going to be able to handle anything bad that might happen... | | |
| ?i am confused... my boyfriend said that we can't be together because of the distance... yet he still calls me all the time and uses those pet names when he talks to me... what am i some toy to be played with? i have tried talking to him about this but i havent really gotten a straight answer from him.... its always like "you know i love you still but i just cant handle the distance" and blah blah... so i guess he still wants me and then some fuck buddy on the side?? fuck that shit.. i am not going to do that EVER... but... i still love him even tho i know i need to let him go do his crap i still want him and need him in my life... we were so perfect together before he left and now its falling apart... its scary to me because i dont know if i am going to be able to find anyone else
| | |
| :) / :(there are some big things going on right now in my life... my best friend in the world has some brain disorder and its deteriorating her muscles little by little... this is the same friend that lost some people that were close to her recently... the doctor said that the stress of the losses triggered this brain disorder to go crazy and freak out her muscles everywhere and not just her hips anymore... i am so scared and sad because she hurts soo bad and i cant do anything to help her... she is such a nice person i dont know why this is happening to her! it doesnt make sense to me! but meanwhile i am soooo happy because of my boyfriend... i love him soo much and he gets me... the only one, besides my best friend, that i could tell anything to... but i just feel guilty being happy when she is hurting so... also this guy just broke her heart a little and i feel so bad because hes a dick and she is too good for that asshole... she doesnt know it yet but she will soon | | |
|
|
i love you
|
|
but you dont love me
|
|
