i have a feeling that soon things are going to go wrong. it's to bad it's not in our nature to work together.

when your as empty outside as inside
& non bother to look
every day is a drag threw heavy water
& a strugle,
that is, that was.
& what you want to be
will never be enuff
for what your wanted to be
& life is pointless
with nothing to look forward to
nothing to teach
nothing to leave behind
but a stagnent memory
of what was, & should have been
but still knowing that it will fade
like time, gone with time,

everything you do is meaningless
poking at brains and asking questions
tries & lies,

all for the gain of something
that always results in nothing

i've noticed that when im not showing her any love, or even ignoring her, she pays so much attention to me. but when i finaly break & start loving her like i want to so much she does'nt show any love back. for the past two days i have not shown any love toward her what so ever. & the whole time she was nice to me, talked to me, kissed me, she wanted my attention! but today when she came home i gave her a big hug & helped her take her work cloths off. we lay on the bed for 30min, i rub her feet & kiss every inch of her body. i brewed her a warm bath & lit candles & brought her warm tea. i showed her how much i've missed her. i showed her how much i love & care about her! she told me to take out the trash... the only attention she gave me is when she started watching miami ink & i sat next to her. she put a pillow on me & leaned against me.

perhaps her ""professionalism"" way of life does'nt include "initiating" any form of lovingness or even SEX! if i dont start it will never happen. i still love her madly... perhaps that is another of my downfalls. i know that the slight love that she had for me faded early in our relationship, & im still wanting her.

perhaps... NO! i NEED love! i NEED her to want me! i need her to hug me! i need her to show me that she cares about me.. just a little!