aWw...it's finally over.  All these years of wondering what this day would be like and it's finally over.  siigh.  

As we were waiting for Mrs. Anderson to signal us to begin the procession, I said a small prayer to GOD.  if there is anything i learned from high school, it has got to be that faith can go a long way.  its hard to take praise from other people or take credit for any accomplishment, even my own family, because i know deep inside that i didn't make it this far on my own.  every single prayer that i've ever said during my high school "career" was answered, whether it was for guidance on a test or for reassurance in my decisions.  i owe so much to HIM and that is why i get so emotional talking about this kind of stuff.  i don't know...not too many people ever see this side of me, not because i'm ashamed of my religious beliefs, but because i don't want people to categorize me as some kind of fanatic.  so before i started walking today, i thanked GOD for truly loving me unconditionally and for keeping me close all these years.  i know there are much more deserving people in this world, yet he continues to guide me and bless me.  i don't know what he sees in me or what i've done to deserve any of his kindness, but i pray that he doesn't leave me alone. 

Today was such a beautiful day, mainly because of all the people that shared this very important day of my life with me.  I had to fight back tears when i saw kristian and elaine today because its hard to leave them behind (even though i know they'll be fine on their own) because i've grown so very much attached to them.  its been awhile since i've found friends who understand my craziness and who really get me.  it was even harder to see Mrs. Matney afterwards who was so genuinely happy for all of us.  when she congratulated me, she hugged me for such a long time.  its been awhile since anyone's ever hugged me like that.  i was fortunate that our chem class this year was so small.  i know the bonds and friendships that i made and all the life lessons that i learned will stay with me forever.  siigh...why is it so hard to let go? 

Of course I can't forget to say thank you to the wonderful people that supported me: the Raguini family, Jenny, Ate Cheryl, Ate Peaches, Kuya Wil, Jean, Ate Sugar, Kuya Christian, Sharon, Kuya Jay, Martha, Marilou, and my own family.  Whether you realize it or not, I didn't just invite you because i needed a large cheering squad.  I invited each one of you because in one way or another, you've found a permanent place in my heart; you are the family that i've grown to love; the family i will always love no matter where my life takes me. i thank GOD for bringing you into my life.

alright, enough with the sappy crap! it just hit me today that in exactly 7 days, 10 hours, and 20 minutes, (give or take) i'll be on my way home.  i hope its as great as i've been imagining it to be.  i wonder that if by fantasizing about something for so long and by building a moment up, i'm just setting myself up for dissappointment.  like it matters anyways.  i think the word to describe me right now is fed up.  i'm too tired to care anymore.  i just need to get away.

i don't know if i'll be much of a tour guide this summer.  i've lots of plans with my friends from Meeker.  it's so nice how we're still so close even though its been years.  ahhh, friendship.  isn't it beautiful?  i don't think i could ever outgrow my friends.  when we get together, we all turn 12 again! its so crazy...but its nice to have people that really know me.  i don't ever have to pretend with them and when i do, they pick up on it right away.  i guess certain people have gotten to know me really well this year.  i've been able to let go more this year than in all my years here in virginia.  maybe its the people i've been surrounding myself with lately, they bring out the real kandy that i rarely show.  hahaha.  gosh...i don't want to be sappy, but i did i ever say that i love my friends and i'm gonna miss them.  (especially those from the class of 2006! wink, wink..)

i know its been awhile, but i hope you don't mind me.

next week will mark my last and final week of high school.  its kinda  weird how fast life passes you by.  i still remember sitting in my dad's GM jimmy when we were just kids; trying to capture that single moment where i could forever be young and carefree.  its like finding neverland, if you've seen it yet.  there will always be that part of you that never wants things to change.  if time could just stand still right now; if you never had to grow up; if you never had to make those major decisions; if you never had to leave people behind or be left behind. if only life could stay in this moment forever.  i'd always have my family together with me and i wouldn't have to let go of any of my friends. 

the most difficult thing for me, is signing yearbooks.  how does one sum up everything that they feel for someone in a single page?  how do i explain to people how much i have grown to love and care for them or how incredibly crazy i'm going at the thought of not seeing them everyday?  whether i admit it or not, next week and the weeks following will definitely be the hardest for me.  i don't know how i'll ever be able to finally do it. how do i finally say goodbye?

so before my final weeks draw to a close, thank you , virginia, for everything you've done for me.  i've never allowed myself to say it and i know that so many times i've complained about the grass being greener on the other side, but just know that you will truly be missed.  i think i needed to resent you in order for me to realize the things that really matter most in life.  you will always be remembered as the one place that has impacted me most in life.  before you, i was self-centered, snobby, and very isolated.  ok, so maybe i'm still a little snobby and a little self-centered, but i no longer feel like an outsider.  it was you that brought me home; a home that i've learned is more about people than an address.  its been a good 3 years, filled with both love and laughter.  everything happens for a reason and i believe that i met you for very good reason indeed.  thank you so much for this ride.