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| The first thot before I wrote anything about this was that it's been some time since I penned something happy. So here we are. Instead of always penning when unhappy, why not pen down even little things that makes me happy. Moreover, this is really over the moon!
The happiest thing to happen to me in umpteem years - confirmation of my transfer! geeeeee...........
After the many human obstacles, I was finally finally given the verbal agreement. Verbal for a good reason. People who dun wanna me to transfer can still back out. Shucks.
I was told that the management is worried I may not survive cos the other new sales people they hiring are of high calibre. Like Don say, "that means you not high calibre lah?". Anyway, they just confirmed 4 new staff of which 2 do not have sales experience, like me. At least I know the products.
Over the one month since I stated my transfer request, I've heard many versions of many stories. During this period, I have also met a gui ren. We were practically just distant colleagues before we moved in and co-habited. Now, she is the one giving me words of encouragement, supposedly putting in words for me. Telling me who and what to caution. So far, she hasn't failed in her words which means to say what she says can be trusted.
Yes, I have penned this so that I can remember to thank this "gui ren".
I have moved on not without worries. But I guess there's little to lose for me to try like I have told so many people. There are many factors to be successful ( that that I aim to be number 1 lah). My attitude now is to worry when I get there. I will know what to do when I get there.
Other things in life shall take a back seat. If life is a zero pie, I have already decided on the things and/or people I want to let go of. Knowing myself, I will not look back. Someone just reminded me yesterday that a person can never change his/her character. My mind prefers to think that it's more complicated than that. No matter how cliche it may sound, I still believe that you will gain more by truly letting go.
Now is the time to decide on the things/people I want to focus on. I do hate to waste time and dwell on unhappy things. Therefore, I hereby announce that my new career path will be my baby for the next one over years.
Po bi Po bi nothing happen again to stop this from happening... 
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| Thots of yesterdays, penned today…Yesterdays is an understatement really. Yester-weeks is more like it. I suspect that I should have married myself away years ago, when I first got out of school – still green and naïve. The love idealist is truly eluding even herself. Then I started thinking maybe naivety is just not the way. Then, materialism is? It has always taken a little more than difficulty for me to place total trust on the table. But through the years, the giving and receiving, the did and not done have formed a misty layer. I think I can see, but not enough to thrust my foot forward. Contented enough to stand still? Like many things, right and wrong is not definite. Neither is it black nor is it white. Gray maybe? Some song with the lyrics goes…now I realize, you dun owe me my happiness…indeed, no one owes anyone his/her happiness. Each of us has a choice. A choice to make or break. I had so many thoughts on this. Yet all I could pen is just what is above. My choice? On a separate matter, tonight’s dinner goes further to affirm a probable fact that I thought I have come to accept. Facing it yet again was a reality slap in the face. Yet, what can I do? Little. Except to keep on believing. In what? If only thinking is acceptance, if only thoughts could be lived… | | |
| I'm sure life can be worse. But why can't mine be better?
Guess I'm just a typical spoilt urban being thinking life can only be creamy.
If I say I'm not an extremely happy person because my happines is dependant on others. And because what others have done or not done have made me lesser happy, am I blaming others? It's just not right.
Much as others have made me upset at times, they have made me happy too. I have made others upset and happy (I hope) too. Ultimately, guess we need to have faith in one another, in our close ones, to go through bad times especially. But will one lose so much faith as to realise all is not worth it? Faith needs 10 times as much strength to support. What then is the limit of one's strength?
Unpleasant things (plural) have been happening to me that I thought to seek spiritual support. Not that I am superstitious if you know me. But when you are desperate, you hope to have some kind of assurance in life or maybe you can call it hope. Also, I dunno which way to go. In any case, you don't go there hoping for your prayers to be answered if you only go there in times of need.
And then I remember, when I pray for strength, I'm given challenges in life to strengthen myself. ouch. That's not what I want.
That's why we have family and friends in life. Close ones whom we cultivate the kind of relationship with throughout the years whom we can turn to when we need a shoulder to cry on, when we want to announce our marriage.
After so much rubbish, now what?
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| It never fail to amaze me how testing life can be. Just when I thought life is more or less settled, i'm dealt with yet another test.
It truly is tiring. I dunno how I'm going to get through it but I guess (more hope than guess i suppose) that something will come off it. Something good.
For now, I just have to cast aside all doubts and fear I have in me and work towards a salvaging this whole situation. Just how much strength do I need to see through the end of it? | | |
| I have always wondered what and who will i think about in the face of death. But when I had the split second chance to find that out, I realise that the time is way too short for me to form any thoughts.
Thus, I have concluded that you can't wait till you meet death to think about what you will think about in the face of death. Such thoughts have to happen right now.
It was the first car accident that I've met in my 27 years of living. My first was the driver's first as well. Our first had us ended up in a flipped over car (I have since avoided the use of turn-over as many people imagine the car with four wheels waving at the sky).
On the near-fatal 29th Jul, we were travelling back towards Singapore from Desaru. Full from a hearty seafood meal, we travelled on the now-familiar Tlk Sengat trunk road. The weather was rather fine, the drive as idyllic as ever. When I next glance up from messing with my new HP, it was cos I felt the driver fidgeting a bit. Then did I realise a humongous lorry heading towards us, right on our lane!
I thought that's it, we're kissing the lorry head on, even a frech one maybe (actually I probably wasn't in such a humorous mood). But I realise the driver with 17 yers driving experience under his belt managed to swerve the car left and avoided the french kiss. Voila!
But the car seemed to have lost control and skidded hard towards the right suddenly. Oh shucks, when a car loses control...next I know the grass surrounding seemed to have flipped while I held my breath. My passenger side of the car has its door against the soiled ground by now. I couldn't describe what I heard as i can't recall at all.
The above could be described in even more paragraphs but trust me, that was only a split second's happenings. Or so it seemed.
I didn't think I felt blood oozing from me anywhere. I thought I could move every single one of my limb. I looked over at the driver and realised that he had already unbuckled his seat belt and was tryin to push his door open. So he's alright too.
By now, someone had already stopped his car to help out. By the time I jumped out of the car, others were analysing the situation and possible damage. Within 2 minutes, 5 men had their hands ready to prop the car back on four wheels. It didn't look as difficult a task as I thought it would be.
As badly shaken as I was, I think I behaved alright. At least I didn't wail out crying but I thought I might feel better that way. It didn't help when onlookers commented how lucky we were to get off unhurt and that wouldn't be the case if we had hit one of the many lamp posts along the road.
The rest of the afternoon was spent mending the car and slowly, very slowly driving back to Singapore. I must have been drained emotionally as I didn't I was so affected by the car-flipping accident. In fact, I had a long night's sleep the same night.
It wasn't until when I was well-rested the next day that I had the mood to really think about what happened. And it wasn't further till the next night's sleep when I met zhou-gong teary-eyed that I realise how affected I truly was.
I suppose my shakened emotions can be appropriately compensated with 4 numbers inspired from the accident. I thought the car-plate number should suffice but my dear collegues suggested that the chassis number could be a better buy cos of their experience. And since the car flipped, I had to buy the numbers backwards as well and was not willing to risk giving up on the car-plate number. That makes 4 sets of numbers. ouch.
Yes, that should compensate...
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