| | So, I have been studying for organic for a while, and I thought that merited me a study break. (Totally lying- I haven't really been studying all that long.)
However, I am writing anyways.
College causes so much. I hope that one of the main things collegiate life should do to someone is challenge everything they've thought of up to that point. I think college is a great time for us to question what we've always just considered inherent. Whether it is a prejudice, a political view, a religious one, etc. I have always thought that I grew up a little faster than my peers, and I do believe this was caused by me questioning everything before everyone else. I can say that years later, I still do not have my answers. I would think that I never really possessed any sort of prejudice towards any other race or culture. Much to the dismay of my father; I'm sure. Not to say that he necessarily enjoys being so condescending towards others who are different, but I imagine that I would be upset if my kid were racist. So, maybe that's kind of one of those same-but-opposite situations. Whatev. Politically... eh, I think my mom a libertarian of sorts. She grew up fairly wealthy (albeit on a farm), but it was a very conservative environment. I think the main difference between my parents is what they feel socially. I think mom might have opened her eyes (or had them torn open) by being in college. Dad didn't have the luxury of being able to go to college even if he had really wanted to go. Regardless, it is our pasts that mold our minds and assumed motives behind people's actions. If you know me or have read any posts in the post (stalkers!), you know that I have struggled with religion for quite some time. I grew up Catholic, blah blah blah... With time, I really came to question what I was believing in. And why. Like I said, I still don't have the answers but my opinions have become slightly less radical, and while I never cursed the name of god, I felt like I could never have a relationship with something so strange, so physically not there.
I guess I write these things over and over to be able to come back and read them to see what it is I actually feel and if those feelings change, what causes these changes. I was reading some stupid bulletin on myspace, and there was a do you believe section. Let me first say that these bulletins usually are not thought-provoking to me, so don't judge! Moving on, there was a question of whether or not you believe in Heaven and Hell (I capitalize only for the biblical significance, not necessarily because I do believe). And sadly, this got me thinking. I guess I cannot really hope for a utopian after-life since I don't really believe in this after-life. For all we know, this is already Heaven. (Mind-blowing thoughts, I know.) Some people might consider this a Hell, but who's to say that we haven't already passed on from something much worse. I know this life can be really trying. I know that I have personally wanted to test my beliefs more than once with a bottle of pills or a sharp object. Bottom line: I don't really think that there is an after-life. I hope we come back as another life. Perhaps every single unit of life that coexists on this planet has been here since that infamous Big Bang. Maybe each of us, at our very core, is millions of years old. I don't think I'm saying anything new here, but I guess the conclusion I came to tonight was that I hope that for the people who believe in it, a Heaven should exist. I cannot imagine my grandpa who was such a good man to be anywhere else other than where he believed he would go. Plus, it is kind of comforting to think of him as always looking down on me. I miss him.
le sigh.
This week will be miserable beyond belief.
Monday: Organic Chemistry Quiz, Diversity Presentation all by myself
Tuesday: Pointless Physics lab
Wednesday: PSYC 306 and PSYC 304 tests, Organic Chemistry lab sucking time out of my schedule to study
Thursday: STUDY
Friday: Organic Chemistry test, PSYC 304 test
That's right- two tests in the same class in one week.
however-
Sunday-Thursday: CANCUN |
