Pun in the Sun.

I wanted to be a cardiologist, but I didn't have the heart.

I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.

Run hamster, run!

I hate my hamster on the left. I just see it, and have to keep clicking it...Because if I stop, he stops running after a short time. I can't stand that... I've got to keep clicking the poor hamster...

So, after thirty minutes of clicking, I am getting around to the post I wanted to post =)

Guess what!? I am going to camp! As a counselor! I leave on Sunday, I am so excited =) I used to be nervous...Short story time =)

So, on Monday, I decided I was nervous, because it is a camp for foster kids, and I really am completely clueless. I get nervous, and start talking to God, asking Him what I do about it. Turns out it made me somewhat of a not-so-pleasant person to be around, and I made a mistake with someone who is close to me. Well, it culminated into a fight, and at one point, I just needed to get away for a second. So, on impulse, I started driving my car around Pueblo West praying, when God just tells me to go to Libery Point. Never been there, and I don't know where it is, so I just keep driving looking for it.

Well, somehow, I found it. It shows you all of Pueblo, and the lake, and it's really cool. Anyways, I get out of my car, and run on the concrete path that was there. A little bit later, I come to this monument standing overlooking the lake, and it has words on it. It says "In God's Hands". After banging my head several times against the nearest rock (which turned out to be the monument itself), I was completely amazed at my own stupidity. I should be getting used to that now =)

So, that's the answer. Whatever your nervous about, whatever you really care about, absolutely whatever, the answer is "In God's Hands". Now, I am so excited about going to camp, because I know it's "In God's Hands".

Stupid hamster...

*plays banjo* I love the banjo. It is light, and happy. I like light and happy. That is why I love Celtic music, Irish folk, and Japanese...stuff. Only thing is I hardly listen to any of that stuff. I listen to people like Regina Spektor (sp), and mmuphullbuff. And Mika.

So..."In God's Hands"

You know those revelations that you get about yourself every once in a while? The kind where you sit down, and a small "huh." comes out. All of a sudden, you see yourself in a new light, like a bunch of puzzle pieces just popped into place. You see a bigger picture, maybe not all of it, but you see it. It's a wierd experience. Yeah, I hate it.

Mainly because it is usually things that I thought I saw the picture of before. It just poofs back into existence, and I look at myself and think "huh." Then I figure it's a figment of my imagination, and it doesn't really fit. I just cut the corners to make it fit.

I wish more people would tell me what they see me as, honestly. It would help me lots.

Thank God I'm a Country Boy

There was a place I lived once that was free of cares. No matter what happened, everything was slow and laid back, and I could sit on the top of a mountain eating a peach if I wanted to. And I did =)

Through the C and two bushes up (only my brothers will get this one).

I used to have a real cool hangout spot that I could go to all by myself. *smile* I even had a journal that I wrote in. I re-read that recently. Surprising, the change that that made in me. I was 13 years when I wrote that, and yet, all my biggest decisions were made that year by an angry wisdom-starved boy with no motivation or purpose. What I do now seems to pale in comparison... Yep, I made the wrong decisions. But the year before that, I was careless. Perhaps that is why I dream.

Someday, when I'm awfully, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight. Yes, you're lovelly.

I think perhaps I crave both the adventure and excitement of the city, and the laid back slowness of the country. Or maybe I just want mountains to climb, I don't know. But I know one thing, I would give all of those up to spend one moment with the wife that I love so dearly. Better, do the same thing with the wife I love so dearly.

I want to live both lives, so I don't settle down. I want to stay on the move. I'm a wanderer.

That's my other dilemna =) I don't want to marry, but I want to, I don't want to leave the city, but I long to, and I have tons of love that I don't want to give away.

I think that's why people find me contradictory. I completely contradict myself in body, so I do in words, too. I care about my friends, but I couldn't care less what my friends think about me. I am guessing I should choose one and go with it, but I don't think it's that simple. The only time I've ever been one-minded was when I was either young and innocent, or 13 and making bad decisions. Unfortunately, I don't think I can go back to either, as each have died in their own way.

So, I'm just not going to worry about either and spend time in my field of flowers =) Buh bye.

Dreams are just things meant to be crushed

I was a dreamer. I had huge dreams for everything, and I thought I could go far in life. But life is designed to crush dreams. Maybe it's just a vicious circle of people getting their dreams crushed, and then crushing the next person's dreams, or maybe it was designed for that. But either way, it isn't worth it to dream.

I dreamt, I loved, and I got hurt.