Hello again,

Everything has changed so drastically since I have last written on this site. It's miraculous, really. I'm at the library and I currently have less than nine minutes to write, so I should probably hurry it up.

Life is different. It's beautiful. It's hard. It's unfair. One thing I've learned in the past year is that God is with me no matter where I go, what I do or who I become. I sometimes feel like He is so, so far away and doesn't want to be with me. Longing is a strange feeling. It aches terribly, but there is comfort in it in the sense that you understand that people are placed in your life to fill in that longing. Yes, I admit that sometimes it seems as if no one is around, but God doesn't let us suffer for no reason.

I've started voice, to switch the subject rapidly. I'm getting frustrated very easily, because my voice sometimes does not behave in the way I would like it to behave. Piano is going so-so. I'm no longer with Dr. Zins anymore (extremely sad, but life is provides those feelings). I study with a teacher at McPhail and I like her a lot, though. There's not much classical music going on. I'm basically starting over in the sense that I'm relearning my technique. Hanon and Czerny have taken over Rachmaninoff and Beethoven. Ah! I can't wait to start playing seriously again.

My time is up. I wish I were faster writer.

Xanga really isn't working for me anymore. Until it does, goodbye Xanga and hello Facebook!

I find this incredibly amusing: this past weekend was filled with different activities and I was planning to attend them, but I failed to because of being ill. I can't help but laugh, and I have no idea why. I was so ardent on attending Sam's birthday party and the performance class, but that didn't happen. I think why I find it so diverting is because I thought I had the flu, but the illness was because of this new sleep medication I'm taking. I may have a strange sense of humor, but I find it absolutely comical by the fact that my psychiatrist was certain this new medication would help me sleep. Oh, doctors are such good fun to tease!

This is random, but I found it terrifically neat: Empress Elisabeth had anorexia from about the age of 18-60. In a sense, it's devastatingly sad, but I found it completely interesting that even back in the 1800's women felt the need to go to the extremes to meet the standard goal of being qualified as a defined beauty. I also was amused by how Franz Joseph the First married Elisabeth because she was beautiful and had lively and charming traits. Her sister, Helene, was orginally going to marry Franz Joseph, but he didn't like her features as much as Elisabeth's. The poor girl was only 15, for heavens sake!! It angers me to know that a foolish 23 year old Emperor chose an innocent and still very young girl for his wife. He gave her a choice, but my gosh, what a way to trap her when Elisabeth's mother was insistent on each of her daughters marrying appropriately! I can't imagine what Ludovika (mother) would do if Elisabeth refused to accept the marriage. You can't leave a decision like that up to a 15 year old girl!

If he were alive, I'd say this to him: "I'm terribly sorry that you didn't have the common sense to fathom the fact that marriage is not solely based on what the person looks like and the first impression you have upon them. If you had thought about this, you might have had a marriage that involved actual communication. Also, your mother should not be bringing up you're own children. Generally when the parents have a child, the child should be raised by the parents. If the grandmother steps in and demands to raise them, I suggest you behead her."

I just love how King Henry the Eighth killed of 5 his wives. He could have at least chosen 1 wife and stayed with her instead of changing his mind only weeks later.

Some people have really got their heads on backwards.

Wow, I love history. I get so fervant over it. I like Empress Elizabeth the best out of all the Queens, Duchesses, Empresses and Princesses I've read about. I can't wait to move onto the Kings, Dukes, Emperors and Princes. I love reading about battles of war and treasons. It's quite invigorating and certainly captures my attention. I would've loved to have been a knight. Goodness, I want to travel back to the old times.

I feel really talkative tonight. I've hardly spoken 40 words in the past 3 days, so I'm feeling the need to get all of it out. Except I should probably go to bed.

Le sigh. I'm sick with the flu. The flu. Last time I checked, I'm pretty sure I remember knowing that it's Summer. I'm feeling a bit down today, mostly because Lillie posted a picture of herself in Italy, and it is so gorgeous there! Italy, Italy, how I wish to go to your nation.

How can the world be so beautiful? God is so amazing to give us such gorgeous scenery. Ohh, I want to go to Europe and explore!!

Anyway, I finally memorized the 24 pages of the Grieg Ballade. Or is it 22? I can't remember, but I'm happy. I don't feel ready to play it in the Performance Class. It's held at the Schmitt Music in Roseville, and that place has got to be about the gloomiest hall to perform in. It is to me at least, although I'm sure others have a much different opinion. I personally very much dislike performing there, but oh well.

I'm really hungry, but at the same time I'm not. I'm craving something, but I don't know what. It's a mystery, really.

I dreamt last night that Brent was a baby again. Even in my dreams I adore children. What in the world? I just love how even the sight of a child can bring a smile to your face.

Example:

Brent was the cutest little boy in the world. I have no idea what he's attempting to eat, but it looks like melted chocolate and cooked oatmeal (which by the way, is pretty good).

At times I'd like to go back to being a little child. I wish I could remember what my thoughts were. I look at my baby pictures when I start to criticize myself, and then I try to say those same words to the child in the picture, but I never can, even though it's still me. I realized that's how God views us. We're older and we make more mistakes, but to Him we're still as precious and fragile as how we were as a little child. I wish I could just stop time and go cuddle on God's lap.

I officially despise my computer. I'm using my dad's because mine won't upload!! Le sigh.

I had an anxiety attack on Saturday. That was interesting. I was upset too, because I missed Bethany's open house! How I wish I could go back in time.

Piano lessons start again tomorrow! HURRAH!!!! My gosh, these have been the longest 2 weeks I've ever had to encounter. Piano Camp is only 25 days away!

I saw Emily and her family today! And I just have to add this in because I'm excited: I was able to see Emily in her complete brides dress apparel! I must say she looked completely stunning, and I would post pictures of her except she told me not to. (Yes Emily, I'm turning the blame on you ) I had fun bickering with her brother, Adam, as-well. I can't wait until we walk down the isle. I've got a great idea on how to mortify him. It shall be grand.

Growing up is oh so fun.