[gon sound hella holy!]

today was holy supper.. i took part.. prayed like crazy.. and i believe God heard me..

i decided to do something.. yeah no doubt madd stuff happened last year that i aint happy bout.. this year im gon change.. wid Gods help.. some of yall know me well enough to knoe wats number one on my list to be changed.. imma low down on the cursing.. [i gotta stop dat on the real!] stay coo need to chill on dat temper of mine... and for those who know me from church.. well yall knoe the deal.. yall know wat i need to do.. ima do this all with help through prayer!

mayn.. today i performed as secondary for holy supper.. i hope we take oath soon.. its kinda hard goin frum worship service early in da morning.. CWS.. CWS office work.. CWS practice.. Adult Practice [till crazy hours] then finally im done for the day.. haha i know its ur office be proud of what you recieve.. its your tungkulin! I wanna take oath tho.. [ive been a choirmember since i was 7!!!] none stop! since i was 7!! hahaha someone frum LIC hahah hook me up wid Ka. Luz's number hahaha knawmean  tina n mark?! haha ok imma stop now.. after chuch we all went to tristate dey played basketball n volleyball i just shot side shots on 3/4 of a court heehheeh.. den the rest of the night i called camille and talked to here most of the night..

now im at home bout to knock out!! ive been real sleepy lately iono why! i dun stay up late.. oh well ima go im sleepy byeeeeeee

[first few paragraphs iglesias are the only ones whod understand it..]

foreal holy supper is this sunday... THIS SUNDAY!!! ever feel like your not really worthy for holy supper like you know for a known fact that your not really worthy [really who is like fully!] to take part? yeah i know thats why theres panata or devotional prayer but still you feel bad? OMG i do not feel worth WHATSOEVER!!!! only a few heads know why! ESPECIALLY CUZ OF THAT!! please dont IM me n ask me wat it is.. its bad enough that im scared to go to church dont make me hafta explain it!! man!! talk about embarrassment!! i felt like shooting my self right there.. ANYWAYS!!!! all the sudden i feel like im not worthy of a lot of things.. taking oath for example! 7 months of practing for Sr. Choir Ka Luz finally tells us to take oath.. man.. i was soooo happy but after taking oath comes a lot of other offices CWS chairperson for one.. or CWS watcher its crazi! i do not at all feel worthy.. its like i gotta change FOREAL THIS TIME, and PRAY like crazi! theres a lot of things i gotta change about myself by sunday.. or have one of those heart to heart prayers..

today.. OMG today was a total waste!!! why come to school!? all i did was make a mask for french class for the mardi gras on tuesday!! we did NOTHING!! there was like no more then 20 kids in school!! freakin news lied! they said we were gettin 6 - 10 so of course all the kids are like "time to sleep in!" man they didnt even have sauce for the mozzarella sticks cuz even the lunch ladies didnt think we were gon have school! haha there were madd cutters durring my lunch haha im like OoO ur bad! of course i went to all my classes! heheh yay me! shutting up now! i always go to all my classes!! ever since battastini made that speach about cutters i was like uhh GOING TO CLASS NOW! plus theres no way into the lunch room that mean fat lady is always there!

haha Josh lost the bet!! haha YOUR NEVER GONNA WIN ACCORDING TO PATEL YOU OWE ME LIKE $80! haha physics is fun! Hey Josh double of nothing! 10 all week! an entire week! we'll make this interesting.. You dont piss patel off or anyone in the class.. for an entire week! let me knoe!

haha this dudes never gonna learn!

man.. honestly things just get me sometimes.. its like you know you love the person.. and u knoe that they have their reasons for doing things.. but sometimes it pushes you to a certain extent where you cant take it anymore..

holy supper is next week for my locale [all INCs knoe wat i mean] and im trying my hardest to change.. but it seems like the harder i try the more hurt i get.. one of my main problems is my temper and cursing.. its like you cant blast out at the person cuz you know you'll go crazy on it.. but you also cant keep it to yourself.. its messed up how now a days the smallest things get me pissed.. like to the point where im thinkin of dumb things and almost crying and having all this hate towards a person or thing.. i dont know how you wanna put it im happy at one point.. then all the sudden in freakin loosin it.. prayin to God that i get shot or something

my day was ok it wasnt banging.. but it was better then it usually was.. Ka. Luz [district choirleader] told ka Neal and Ka Ester that after holy supper to let me mark n tina take oath hott huh? bout time dang.. cant wait till i leave CWS freal! man.. my day started out bad.. and ended bad..

whole week of panata [devotional] man im gonna pray for God to help me yo foreal.. I cant do this on my own!

peeps who are on the Cipher... yo peep my poem on the lounge! n let me knoe the deal! for those who arent on the ciph i'll post it on here.. im outs OnE

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i look at my life with nothing but shame
if not me but my unborn kuya would things be the same?
would our life be a little bit easier? if i was neva around?
would the pain finally end if i just sat in a baptisim and drowned?
dying in gods pool would that send me to heaven faster?
or would that just continue to build Gods pain and anger?
pills to my left.. blades to my right a gun in my hand
which one of these would get me off this damn land?
praying everynight that id never wake up the next morning
having no respect or care in this body i continue abusing
just got a lock my door now theres no disturbance
my mind is so blocked and blured i got no room for acceptance
people say i have a sickness others think its a phase
i think my life is nothing but a never ending maze
could i have been a better daughter? a better sister?
a better student a better friend haha a better ballplayer?
who knows wat i COULD HAVE BEEN or wat i SHOULD HAVE BEEN
i know one thing for sure.. life is a battle i could not win!
with that said wats left to say?
i will recieve wat i deserve this coming judgement day. 

ATeens - cant help falling in love with you

dis mah jam yo foreals! hahah whoever got TFC and watched BERKS saturday you'll know why! hahah I DONT CARE WAT YALL SAY BERKS IS MAH SHOW! HAHAH

hey can any of you guys talk on the phone n watch TV at the same time? hahah seriously! can you? last night [well i knew this for a while] i figured out that i could NOT do that hahahah alice was gettin pissed at me hahah shes all like "HELLO!!" im like huh? what? you deff. dont wanna call me when im watchin my pinoy dramas! hahaah and if you call me on saturday 7:30pm eastern time EXPECT TO GET IGNORED!! hahaha thats hard tho talkin on the phone and paying attention to the phone.. my parents be gettin mad at me hahah cuz dey call me at the wrong times [when im watchin mah dramas and when im online] haha i be gettin a lil attitude hehe then they get mad at me! hahah if anyone can do that let me knoe hahah cuz foreal i wanna know if its just me!

mayn i woke up dismorning and looked out the window... my neighbors car disappeared! hahah although theres a lil antenna sticking outta the snow hummz wonder where the car went [haha ok stupid moment] foreal yo we got hella snow! sucks yo i wanted to go out n play! actually i wanted to go to the chapel compound to shovel the snow there! heheh but NOO its a snow warning anyone caught on the streets or walking on the sidewalk will get picked up my cops hahah im bout to go mail a letter [mailbox at the end of the block] hahahaha see if i get picked up everytime i turn on the TV all i hear is "if you dont have to go out then dont go out stay home!!!" haha you know some butthead [wow havent used that word in a while] is gonna go out!

I wanna go sleding but i dont have a sled bout to go take the cover of a trashcan and go sleding hehehehe G H E T T O!!! hahahahah tell me why i saw someone do that hahhaa i was like Oh No!!! hahhaa cant wait till kuya wakes up haha we're gonna go play in the snow hehehe we do it every year... only time i ever let him F5 me hahha i remember one year i tried breakdancin in the snow haha its hard!!! cuz i was wearin a bubble jacket! hahah snows fun to play in.. A PAIN IN THE ASS walkin or driving in!

hahahah yo tell me why yesterday right.. my dad was trippin cuz hes like "its a snow storm i dont care wat you have at church you go home wid tita heidi" of course Hazelyn [her daughter] isnt a trainee for Senior choir.. so she dont gotta stay for the choirpractice but i do.. hehe well for the first time IN A LONG TIME me n alice changed at the same time hhahaha right after CWS i was like "oh dipp i get to change! YES!!!!" haha lynlyn ateh xy and ateh grace n dem were like "HEY!!! uhh grace forgot about practice?!" im like "im skippin shhh..." hahha their like "what?! yeah ok!!" haha Ka. Ester walked past me my heart skipped a beat! hahah but she aint say nothing.. GOOD THING THO could you believe how long that practice was? hahahah started at 2:00pm right... by 4:20 it was only a break!!! practiced ended at 5:10!! 2:00 to 5:10!!!!!!!! bet you!!! that if we had a chapel that would be 10x longer hahah ppl got snowed in cuz they couldnt get their car out! my kuya told me like durring the break so many ppl were like "damnit!! look at all that snow how we all suppose to go home I-95 [main highway] is closed now we're stuck here!" hahaha and ka. Ester was about to walk out the door but decided to stay in the room hahahaha FUNNY!!! haha we got some bitter choirmembers now! I called up lynlyn at like 6:30 to see if my kuya was at her house she got mad at me!! hahah for skippin practice... im kinda scared to go to church on thursday hahahah

YO theres hella snow outside! bout to go make a snowman!!! yo its the type of snow thats ideal for molding something.. maybe a snowball?! hahahahah aight thats may cue! imma go play in the snow!! PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!