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Pingiechan
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Name: J. Ping
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 7/18/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: Currently: DRIFFFFFTTTTTing, breakdancing
Generally: Animé/Manga, Video Games, Cars :B Constantly rotating the order of those (Cars, video games, animé/video games, cars, animé, etc)
Expertise: Positive Mental Attitude, Living as goal-oriented as I can!
Keeping open-minded in most all situations.
Outdated, rusty skills: MvC2 (All Hail my 7th-place-ness!), C++, Java, HTML
Occupation: Web Designer/Email Promotions
Industry: Web Design, DUH
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Pingiechan
Member Since:
3/21/2003
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| Heh.Interesting how my past 3 entries all seem to be saying the same thing, huh? Notice a trend? 9_9
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| Ranting? Eh, sorta.Yeah, if you don't care, then don't read. I tend to ramble anyways. I think typing these out is a good way for me to kinda empty my head out somewhere to reference back later. Not sure if I should dump it here, LJ, myspace blog, etc, but then again, the last one I haven't logged into since the summer, so I'm trying to keep my streak going regarding avoiding it. Why? I have no idea.
I'm in an off mood, and it's related to my taking a step back and looking around at where I am in life, as seems common for these entries.
Months pass, and I notice that I'm still in the same spot, simply looking back on the months thinking, "what the hell did I accomplish?"
I barely feel like ranting/rambling here. I just... just want to sleep. I guess it's a fit of depression or something. But it's there. I'm tired, I want something... something big, some change, something to set me on a path in life.
Every week is the same routine, and I look around and find that it's the same for others, as far as I can tell. It bores me! What kind of way to live is this? What's the point? I continue this for 30 years (moving out somewhere, obviously) and I'll still be doing the same thing? For what? Where does it end? Where does some meaning, some purpose, come in?
I close my eyes and try to figure out what I want, but I can't really tell. I want to be a better bboy because it'll prove I'm in better health; but my wrist is such a freakin pansy that it can't take a lot of practice/abuse (though it used to be able to @_@), and so I'm limited by that. And I find myself just... not practicing at all, with the defeated mindset already in place/
I want to get into cars. I've been following this aftermarket for years and years now, reading the magazines and just dreaming of having some hot, fast car that can outhandle most everything on the road. I've pushed my current cars to test their limits, tires screeching around turns, tail ends being thrown out, etc. I know I want to get into cars, but it's way expensive and because of that, it's gonna be a long time before I can seriously get into it. I don't even know how deeply I want to delve; it's just a very appealing hobby... from where I stand, now, anyways. Might not turn out to be what I want. But I'm definitely willing to give it a shot.
Video games are just a light pasttime right now. Same with Anime. I don't keep up greatly with either, nor have I really purchased much lately. It's a fun little hobby (both are), but it's not like I plan on riding either into some more meaningful direction. Just relaxation entertainment, really.
And what's really important in life? Who can even define that for me? We all have our own priorities, we all decide by ourselves what's important to us. I can get suggestions, but that's not a clearcut answer. And having been raised to be book-smart, always having a "right answer" and a guide as to where to go with things, I'm just lost in this lack of direction.
There's tons of paths which I can take. I just wish I were able to explore them all better to figure out what really drives me in this existence.
Let's hope a year from now, I'll know... I've wasted years of my life already. I don't want to waste any more.
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| Rant TimeHere it comes, so look away or go somewhere else.
Blah. Just blah. That's how I feel. I've been wasting my free days away just sitting home playing Pokemon (which is pretty good- the game is, I mean), but that's about it. I didn't leave the house at all yesterday, and when I left today I dropped something off then just wandered around in a store looking at things I can't afford to buy anyways. It's really disheartening, because I feel like I'm just "existing," that otherwise it's just a waste living.
Not that I feel that depressive/emo, but it's certainly frustrating. I know I had a blast this past 3-day weekend visiting friends in Connecticut, but even then, all we did was get everyone together (which was the hard part), and when we were finally all assembled, we didn't do anything but loiter in a mall or whatnot.
I don't think that we should need to have money to have fun, but at the same time there's not a whole lot that can be done otherwise, is there? The weather is getting nicer though, and once all the pollen stops swarming and killing me, then maybe something outdoorsy can be done. I haven't the slightest clue what, though. Generally it just feels like I'm struggling to spend time out of the house (which is a good thing), but in the end, whatever I do feels like I'm just wasting time in another location. Nothing gets done, nothing accomplished, just time spent in a place that's not home.
So wtf? I mean it's been like this for years. More years than I care to remember, as I've generally speaking been living in this house since before high school. Looking back on the past, all I can envision is just video games, hanging out with friends, television and Internet. Sure, cons in there, but in the end, they're just a little vacation/distraction just like everything else. Time is spent, nothing is really gained (besides the friendships I value so much).
So I sit here at my computer in case anyone wants to chat, but nobody does. I sit in front of the computer playing Pokemon (which is handy at times, when I need to check something), but overall I just feel like I'm wasting away. There's so much more to life than this, I'm sure, but what more is there? I can't exactly afford to do the things I want to.
The only goals I have right now that I can think of off the top of my head are the drift team/project car and starting that job in late June. Otherwise it's just a boring existence of filler during my free time, maybe researching or checking out things I can't afford otherwise.
I hate when I start getting like this, because I know depression's right around the corner. I think I'll go dance it off or something. Tomorrow's another day... I just wish I knew what I could do tomorrow that'd satisfy me.
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| wtf timeNot so much "wtf time" so much as "wtf, time?" But yes, this is gonna be a rant, so get some snacks first, or just don't read. I just feel like I need to expel this somewhere.
Stopping for a moment to look back on the past weeks or so, and to be quite honest, it's all a blur. I don't remember what the hell I did last week on my days off (like today). Besides much Starcraft in the nights, and eating lunch and maybe chores, I don't see myself doing anything productive for my future. I still need to find some other job or whatnot, but nothing's happening because I'm not DOING anything.
I bought Final Fantasy III for DS last Thursday, and it's awesome. This class system is pretty cool, really adds a tactical edge to things, wanting to have the right party, etc. But damn, that's the one thing I hate about RPGs- they consume me. I either waste all my time playing them (which is basically all I did yesterday), or I play them and put them down, then when I pick them up again, I forget where the heck I left off with them (which happened with Golden Sun for GBA).
The video games are a nice distraction from reality, and I can better understand now how I spent all my public school time coming home and playing them, not needing to interact with others. While my mother said it was good that I could get by alone, not needing other people, I now realize that it's not a very satisfying life to live. I crave interactions with others, but yet when I'm out in stores or whatnot I find myself still being reserved and worrying about what people, these strangers who I'll probably never see again, think. Why? I should know better than that. I certainly know I've learned better than that over the past few years.
I need to stop repeating my HS years sitting home all the time and get out and do something productive. Finding some more work so I don't struggle so much with bills would be a good idea too, I'm sure.
I'm done. I'm not going to waste another minute sitting here ranting when I can turn ranting time into productive time.
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| Buda-dayI have to say, today was a good day. I didn't accomplish much, but I certainly feel satisfied.
Jan, Desi, and I organized to get together with Vann for lunch. Anthony, our other friend (readers may or may not know of him), also happened to be free today, so he also joined us. While we didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with Vann (it was just an hour or so for his lunch break), it was still nice for us all to get together and enjoy each others' company. Last time we all got together was March 18, 2006! Almost a year later, but at least we didn't hit the 1 year mark! ... right? ^^;;
Afterwards Anthony, Desi, and I gathered at my place and we played Wii Sports and Wario Ware. Fun :3 Took Desi home and went bboying at Rutgers- just Mike, Steve, and I, but it was nice because that meant more space for the rest of us. Got some pointers on handstands and talked with Steve as he headed back to his dorm.
Overall, no major shining accomplishments, but it was certainly an enjoyable day. It makes me smile warmly to know that I can have such good days without major monetary investments. If only they were more often, right?
Gotta take what we can get. Who says I have to complain all the time on my Xanga, anyways? :B Take care, all. May you all experience some satisfying times in the near future~ :D
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