| | Yeah, if you don't care, then don't read. I tend to ramble anyways. I think typing these out is a good way for me to kinda empty my head out somewhere to reference back later. Not sure if I should dump it here, LJ, myspace blog, etc, but then again, the last one I haven't logged into since the summer, so I'm trying to keep my streak going regarding avoiding it. Why? I have no idea.
I'm in an off mood, and it's related to my taking a step back and looking around at where I am in life, as seems common for these entries.
Months pass, and I notice that I'm still in the same spot, simply looking back on the months thinking, "what the hell did I accomplish?"
I barely feel like ranting/rambling here. I just... just want to sleep. I guess it's a fit of depression or something. But it's there. I'm tired, I want something... something big, some change, something to set me on a path in life.
Every week is the same routine, and I look around and find that it's the same for others, as far as I can tell. It bores me! What kind of way to live is this? What's the point? I continue this for 30 years (moving out somewhere, obviously) and I'll still be doing the same thing? For what? Where does it end? Where does some meaning, some purpose, come in?
I close my eyes and try to figure out what I want, but I can't really tell. I want to be a better bboy because it'll prove I'm in better health; but my wrist is such a freakin pansy that it can't take a lot of practice/abuse (though it used to be able to @_@), and so I'm limited by that. And I find myself just... not practicing at all, with the defeated mindset already in place/
I want to get into cars. I've been following this aftermarket for years and years now, reading the magazines and just dreaming of having some hot, fast car that can outhandle most everything on the road. I've pushed my current cars to test their limits, tires screeching around turns, tail ends being thrown out, etc. I know I want to get into cars, but it's way expensive and because of that, it's gonna be a long time before I can seriously get into it. I don't even know how deeply I want to delve; it's just a very appealing hobby... from where I stand, now, anyways. Might not turn out to be what I want. But I'm definitely willing to give it a shot.
Video games are just a light pasttime right now. Same with Anime. I don't keep up greatly with either, nor have I really purchased much lately. It's a fun little hobby (both are), but it's not like I plan on riding either into some more meaningful direction. Just relaxation entertainment, really.
And what's really important in life? Who can even define that for me? We all have our own priorities, we all decide by ourselves what's important to us. I can get suggestions, but that's not a clearcut answer. And having been raised to be book-smart, always having a "right answer" and a guide as to where to go with things, I'm just lost in this lack of direction.
There's tons of paths which I can take. I just wish I were able to explore them all better to figure out what really drives me in this existence.
Let's hope a year from now, I'll know... I've wasted years of my life already. I don't want to waste any more.
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| | Posted 11/16/2007 8:11 PM - 31 views - 0 comments
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