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PissyPixie03
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Name: Dea
Country: United States
State: Washington
Birthday: 7/3/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Horseback Riding, dancing, literature, fine art.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/11/2004
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| Well hello there.. it's been a long long time..
I figure it's time for an update, because this disease never gets better.. only worse..
I'm still a normal weight, though the people around me are now calling me "skinny" and "thin" and it feels good..
What doesn't feel good though is this disease..
Since my last post I got sober. I was doing alot of drugs and drinking
every night, I have eleven months on the 15th of April.. Sobriety has
taught me alot of things, but it hasn't taught me how to get my ed
under control..
I hate this disease, I hate every part of it.
I hate that every time I eat I throw up and I don't even have to make myself anymore.
I hate that my teeth hurt, and my enamel is wearing away.
I hate that when I sleep on my stomach at night I wake up in the morning with bruised ribs because there is no iron in my blood.
I hate that my throat hurts all the time from acid reflux.
I hate that I lie to my friends and family when I go to the bathroom after meals.
I hate that my head tells me that even a bite will make me fat.
I hate that I just lost thirty pounds in four months, and that i am proud of myself for it.
I hate that no number on the scale will ever be good enough.
I hate that treatment is not affordable.
I hate that I can't enjoy eating like a normal person.
I hate obsessing over exercise, and pant sizes, and body fat percenteges, and calories, and how much water i'm retaning.
I HATE being addicted to EPHEDRA.
I hate myself.
But i'm learning...
I hate that I look at the last pictures I posted and think to myself "GOD how was I ever THAT fat?"
Even though I was never really "fat"
I hate that I weigh less that 140 pounds, a perfectly healthy weight, I
can see every rib in my body, and I still don't think that it is good
enough.
Please, if you think that bulimia or anorexia is a disease of choice, you might be right.
But I believe that it chooses you, you don't choose it.
No one
NO ONE
Wants to be this miserable.
Please, stop yourself early, or find help before it's too late.
Others might have to die so that you may live.
With lots of love for all those who suffer in silence
-Dea
Ps,
Yes, my profile picture is a picture of what I look like now, taken two weeks ago
5'6 138 lbs
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| Hey guys, first off. Fuck boys. they all suck... second of all its been months and months and months and I look fabulous...
not really purging I just.. havent been eating much from depression and
well.. eating requires too much effort hah.. I just wanted to put
up some new pictures and check on you all
cw: 150
gw: whenever my gut disappears
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my way thinner face..
I <3 you guys, check out my myspace
its listed in the blog below
please keep in touch and post comments
-Dea
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| So you guys.. I just thought I would share my success
I gained weight again.. I was like 173... that was two months ago... now... drum roll please
~*~*158*~*~ !!!!
the lowest I have EVER been!!!
determination exercise and not eating.. much
pictures to come later | | |
| Hey guys! wow.. so much to update on.. uhm well we'll start with good news, Ive been sick for 3 days and I lost like 6 pounds overnight whoo hoo! this morning was down another pound, and im not eating a damn thing, I could stay like this forever.. for example.. yesterday I had like a cup of plain noodles with broccoli... and some rice with ground turkey... then this morning half a cup of spaghetti os... im totally full THANK GOD... I have no appetite and I love it... Uhm what else... Told rich boy Paul to go fuck himself... getting back together with FL ex... (SO EXCITED AND I DONT KNOW WHY) literally in the span of three days ive gone from "I dont need a man, dont call me i'll call you jackass" to "I cant sleep without saying goodnight!!" its.. extremely pathetic...but in a nice way... heres some pictures he did of me... they're really inspiring :) I shot a bunch of pics of myself a while ago and sent them to him and he edited em.. they look awesome.. hes a professional photographer and film student.. really artsy yet still manly :)
enjoy...
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| so tired.. overworked and sick.. have some stupid problem that needs surgery... till then
losing weight
down to 164 again
love to all
-Dea | | |
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