| CHANGES.....i know i've been telling myself that i have to change, but i didn't know how to change myself. I didn't exactly know how to change myself and in what ways will i change myself, maybe a new wardrobe?(which will cost a lot!), a new hair cut?, be more organize?....whatever i just didn't know what kind of "change" i'm looking for. It's always on and off thinking about this change, but lately i've been giving this "change" thing a thought again. i've started praying again, well trying my best to, i've reallized that i've been stuffing myself with so many things to do like school, work, and friends...honestly...i kept myself so busy that i didn't even noticed until my friend told me....well yeah once in a while someone will ask me..."you're working so much...what about school?" in my mind i kept thinking that sure i can handle that it's just school, and i was so into the work i was completely exhausted, every night i'd go home and i drop dead on the bed and wouldn't wake up until next morning for work...so i had taken a week off....i felt free and happy....so working less maybe a "change"
But the thing i feel that i really have to change is....i dont know if it's right but......my emotions?and letting things get to me! i'm starting to reallize that somthing really simple can get me really upset....yes i do not like people lying, any kind of lie, no matter how big or small they are i'd still get angry! or offensive things i get.....i am a serious person most of the time and it's hard not letting it get to me. Also, expressing my emotions, i'm not really big on you know letting out my emotions...simply i just dont feel comfortable letting one know whats going on in my head...so it's for me to explode.....and thats not good
so right now i'm trying very hard to control my emotions...or letting things get to me, whenever i start having that kind of feeling where i'm starting to think too much of a situation over and over again i try to take a minute and pray to God...you know....not letting me dwell on the past...and i guess teaching me to be a better person
i know this wouldn't happen just like that, it has to take time....so i'm willing to wait.... |
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| CHANGES.....i've reallized that i must go through some changes reflecting on my life for the past few years, life has been terrible for me i've been worrying so much that i cannot even hide my worries behind my smile anymore......and all these burrdens is making me very emotionally depressed....people told me that i need a boyfriend to help me cope with this depression....haha....but i really dont know if that would....they've also suggested that i need a change....hmmm but i've changed so much over the past 6months.....at least i dont trap myself in the house anymore, losing weight dramatically....working everyday....basically i'm just keeping myself busy and keeping myself away from my family....i feel irratated with them....what other changes should i possibly go through this time???....i think i have to try to go back to my old self....just smile at everything, everyone, be carefree?...maybe i should just give this whole dating thing a try....how does it help getting rid of my depression? i have no idea |
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| ugh! wroking every single day -_-....i'm soooo tired worked 12hrs yesterday....my legs are about to come off right now....and stressing out over the stupid store!
should i get knee surgery even if my knee doesnt get 100% better?but whats the point of doin it then?
but anyways.....yay! getting a puppy! :) |
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| i'm ready to quit what ever game he's trying play here, he's leading me
on to no where....i've tried everything! asking him to stay after skool
to help me with hwk to asking him to go watch movies....nothing has
happened so far.....except he said "now i've got u to like me then i'll
make u love me"....and he said just joking like10secs later....what the
hell....if wants to say it, then say it!....dont go like just joking....BE FUCKING DIRECT!he's kinda
pissing me off now.....i've been avoiding to talk to him for a few
days, cuz i really have nothing to say to him......as long as he doesnt
do something to impress me i'm not gonna do/say anything....i'm gonna play hard to get....i know i'm
a bitch....but u have to be in my shoes to understand!
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| {monday}
he gave me his phone number
{tuesday}
we had lunch together
{today}
he came and sat down next to me while i was lying on the couch.....he
was sitting so close to me, our heads were inches away from each others'
everyone is telling me to do something but i really dont know what to
do.....what do they want from me??jeeezzzzz........grab him by the
shirt and kiss him or something?omg this is so crazy....
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