PjChamp's Xanga

Back to the Basics...

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:54:45 GMT

I feel like I'm moving from addiction to addiction. I find a song or two that I'm obsessed with and listen to it like it's my job, put it on repeat for days or weeks or more...then just switch to the next one. Or the Twilight books...addicting...but now I'm on a lull in the 3rd one and I have a newfound addiction to the show Heroes. I started watching the first episode yesterday and I'm now on the 8th...what a great show...

But I don't know how healthy that is.

Also I'm in this slump where I study copiously every day (weekends included, I stay up late til 2 almost every day doing homework and studying...) I don't really have an active social life aside from the people I study/do projects with (the people I do those with are my best friends, and I love em...) but I dont actually DO anything anymore. no parties, not even going to see movies, no real events...basically just studying. it Kindof sucks but this semester SUCKS and its the only way I can get out doing well. besides, that is the reason why I came here...do to school.

I'm lame...

but I'm kindof okay with that. I need to do this to do well. I find some balance by doing random things like belting out songs publically, making odd youtube videos, wearing crazy clothes/hairstyles, riding motorcycles or driving mopeds, jumping off medium-sized ledges... It's those little bits of craziness/fun/weirdness/randomness that help me stay sane. Just mixing it up a little bit.

I'm tired though...

physically. I drink energy drinks all the time to stay awake and I deprive myself from sleep to study or wake up early for class. Bawls is my favorite energy drink.

I like wearing fro-hawks.

I'm a vampire...

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:36:26 GMT

I'm not usually into reading "fad" books (I don't do harry potter, dan brown books... etc)

but this book...

Twilight...

is consuming my life.

I need to finish it soon so I can get back to my life. It's like having a relationship with someone I happen to be obsessively in love with. But the problem is, this is one of 4 books. So I'm guessing I'm going to want to finish the rest of them before I get back to it....but I can't afford to!....but I can't stop.

It sucks.

But it's kindof amazing.

Other than that.

I have no motivation for: School, eating, sleeping, waking up, or working out.

That's not good. I'm getting later and later to classes, but not even by choice.

I'm going to need to change that... This weekend all of that will change.

I'll hopefully give a real update then.

...

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:36:28 GMT

I'm moving out today. The summer is virtually over. I'm actually pretty happy about that. There was a tangle of events I'd rather not get into involving a registered sex offender and a tow truck. Thanks be to God for keeping me safe and relatively at peace.

I'm going to Guatemala on Saturday.

I'm getting excited. Giddy, even.

I can't wait to see the plans God has in store for me.

I pray that the children will be blessed.

......

Work is going swimmingly. Last day today, 6 hours and 42 minutes left.

Not that I'm counting or anything.

....

I'm starting to get tired.

It's the end of the summer blues.

I'm ready to be around people I love again.

......

Remember how I said "the best is yet to come"?

Maybe he's here.

Too bad he probably doesn't realize it yet, haha.

.....

I'm hungry.

Time is on fast-foward!

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:16:50 GMT

Love song to No One- John Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here oh yeah

You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

I love this song. I want to play it on the guitar, but my skills are so limited I fear I won't be able to anytime soon. Perhaps I should try...

I just saw Donnie Darko for the first time yesterday... I liked it, even though it put my mind into a perfect circle of confusion and postulations.

Okay, so I'm skirting the issue.

I've ignored you xanga. Well, not ignored...neglected. I still visit you from time to time and see who is still loyal to you.

I can't hide it, xanga. I've been cheating on you. I've been cheating on you with a newer more popular more fancier version of you. His name is youtube. As much as I love him, I'm not IN love with him... I will always be in love with you. So I will always come back to you..always.

Haha, hey anyone if there is anyone out there anymore.

Life isn't bad. I'm at a graphic design internship in Iowa in the QC, and I actually really like my job. I've learned more this summer than I did all year in class last year. I live alone in a small apartment, and although I get a little paranoid especially when I'm in the shower or when it's dark..I still where I live. It's about to come to an end in less than 2 weeks, and I have mixed emotions about that. Sometimes I feel excited to get out of this haven of lonliness and get back to my friends and family. But a part of me is terrified at how fast time is passing. I had so many things I intended to do this summer, but it seems time has been fast-forwarding and I'm not running fast enough to keep up with it. Sometimes I feel that I'm not ready to get back into having so many people around again.

But, mostly I'm ready to go.

I'm going to Guatemala in 2 and a half weeks, right after I move back home. I'm going from Aug 2-9 for a missions trip to help orphans... and I've also got mixed emotions about it. I'm really excited for the new experiences and the new things that God has to share with me and how He's going to use me in new ways. I'm really excited to help people, I feel that I live my life too selfishly. However...I'm a little scared. It's a new place and things will be so much different from my "regular" life...but I'm mostly really excited. I feel that God definitely has a plan for me there.

The day after I get back from Guatemala I'm headed back to school.

Snap, snap. Summer will be over.

just.

like.

that.

good song

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 11:53:04 GMT

here's a song that keeps popping up on pandora that really hits home every time

"Take my Life"- Third Day

"How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the sand on the shore.
But every time You've taken me back,
And now I pray You do it once more.

Chorus:
Please take from me my life,
When I don't have the strength...
to give it away to You Jesus

How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the stars in the sky.
But every time You've taken me back,
And now I pray You do it tonight."

Friday, December 28, 2007

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 06:18:33 GMT

[typed at 7pm ]

I’m on the road, nearly at our designated location (Boston). We’re headed there to visit Reggie and Leigh at their apt for a week or so. It’s expected to be a splendid time.

“I think I’ll go to Boston, I think I’ll start a new life…where no one knows my name”

This trip has been anxiously anticipated, however I fear time has passed so quickly to arrive here.

Time is passing far too quickly, and soon I will be propelled into the “real world”…As ready as I am, it still manages to terrify me a bit. There are so many expectations of me given by the people around me as well as myself, and I just hope I fulfill those of importance.

I have resolutions, which I don’t always make for the New Year. My greatest resolution is to strengthen the bonds/relationships that I hold the closest to me. A big thing I lack is the ability to communicate well, and I feel like I need to do so. Phone calls are something I have never enjoyed making, but I do enjoy talking to the people that I love.... So I know I need to make an effort to call people, regardless of their effort to call me. This includes God, because I don’t talk to him enough either. I do talk to Him alot, but not enough. There’s one large communication issue with my life. I hope to rectify this situation.

Another resolution I have is to practice the guitar and actually be able to play a plethora of songs. Music is one of my passions, and there is no reason that my laziness should get in the way of me following it.

I’m there. Boston, that is.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:32:55 GMT

"and the truth is...I miss you..."-Coldplay, warning Sign

I miss you xanga. I'm sorry I've abandoned you.

I've been busy, but I know it's not an excuse.

I will attempt an update:

      I've joined boxing club, officially. Coach says he wants me to compete sometime in the future. I'm going to aim for next year. I can tell my strength is definitely improving, but I really want to heighten my endurance. I'm generally the only girl in the club (there are one or two that come every once and a while) and I enjoy it a lot. It's definitely a way to get out any aggression I have.
     My house has a broomball team, and I'm the captain. Broomball is the most competitive/popular intramural sport here at ISU. We've made it to the finals, which is tomorrow night. I've made the winning point the past 3 games, and I'm glad God has given me the strength to fulfill my role as a captain and power forward. I think I like the sport so much because it reminds me of playing street hockey with my brothers when I was little. I think that's where I get my ball handling skills from.
     I've been heavily involved with various organizations concerning graphic design, which makes for good portfolio pieces.
     I love my friends here. "The group" has definitely changed a bit since last year, but from what I hear and see the change is for the best. It's sad to see people who I once looked up to disappointing me in word and action, but I suppose that's what I get for trusting in the world and not enough in God. The biggest change is that it's not really a group anymore, because we realized how secluded and exclusive that group was. We've all branched out a good amount but we still have a center with eachother that is based off of our close relationships with God, which is a beautiful thing. We encourage eachother the best we can and try to be accountability partners for eachother.
     I am alone as far as romantic relationships are concerned... but that is much better than adhering to the next best thing. I'm glad that God has given me the discernment and the joy so that I'm okay. It was bothering me at first because everyone around me has someone. But i think that God is telling me that the best is yet to come. So I'm not worried. I'm at PEACE (psheah). I might have to be a 3rd or 5th wheel sometimes...or even just 1 wheel...but that's okay. God has someone for me. I don't know when I will find out...but I know it's not for me right now.
   What's important is to spread the love of God, and to do my best in all I do (all the while trusting in Him). and I'm going to be just fine...

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 12:47:25 GMT

I think God’s trying to tell me something…

The other day I was looking for my keys…I was in that crazed panic state where I start to fling everything around. I did so for quite some time, then I got the idea to get down on my knees and pray. I did so upon my bed, and less than a minute later I found my keys…directly under where I prayed, in the sheets of my bed.

Today, I somehow dropped my ID card. This one didn’t actually make any sense because as soon as I dropped I realized I didn’t have it and crazily searched for it exactly where it should have been, and everything else in a 20 foot radius. However, something was blinding me from seeing it. I retraced my steps. I walked back to my room, and crazily searched around the room. I couldn’t find it. I started to return to that panic stage…then finally remembered what had happened last time I lost something—and I prayed. Less than a FEW SECONDS after I had said my amen, I heard a knock at my door. I opened the door to reveal my house’s janitor with an outstretched arm and hand. In her hand was my ID card.

I think God’s trying to tell me something…

I should probably listen this time.

hm...

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:06:31 GMT

I'm in Ames getting my business done...for being an RA that is. I generally love my staff. The few residents i've met are cool. I can tell it's going to be a bit of a taxing job, however I know it's worth it. I really like being here in ames before school actually starts, it's pretty relaxing having fun without having to worry about classes and studying and all that jazz. A few of my friends from last year are here (a few are also RA's) , and slowly more and more will be movin' on in and I'm pretty excited about that. I have my car here which is probably the sweetest thing ever (it's a shame I won't have it next year, but I suppose that's an expense I won't have to worry about then.) I don't know exactly how its gonna be until school actually starts, but as for now things are looking UP.

indeed...

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 08:12:03 GMT

The end of my summer is near, I leave a week from today...weird, huh? Usually I say it feels like it just started, but it honestly doesn't. I've done a LOT this summer that I wanted to do. I've done some painting, some freelance designing, some traveling (New York, new mexico, indiana, wisconsin, eastern illinois, and various places in and around chicago that i've never been to), got a job, exercised a good amount, spent a LOT of quality time with my family, and hung out with most of my friends. It would've been nice to spend a bit more time with my friends ( I still haven't seen all of them which is pretty sad) but I can't have my cake and eat it too. I would've liked to maintain all of the friendships that I have and had, but I see that it isn't always possible. I've learned that people will naturally come and go in your life, it's how you make memories when they're there that counts.. Time flies by so quickly, but I think it was a nice flight this summer. I'm getting mentally prepared for school, and everything else that comes with it. I'm even starting to get a little excited. Just a little.