Good Morning to All

hey everyone...long time no...write to i guess you'd say...well anyway...i need more opinions...is it a bad thing to have crush on an internet friend?  i have been talking to this 26 year old guy who lives in atlanta ga for almost 2 weeks now...we have a ball...we talk about everything under the sun...he sends me little thinking about you cards (via email of course)...its a lot of fun...ive seen a picture of him...granted he's no heart throb...but he's teddybear kind of cute...hes a sweetheart!!!

anyway...i hope everyone i know is doing well...i'm gonna go now...

*UNTIL NEXT TIME TAKE CARE OF YOU*

Good Morning to All

last night kevin and i had a 3 hour conversation...it was a whirl wind of different emotions...i guess you coulc da a roller coaster of emotions...i dont know...anyway...it was crazy...we argued...laughed...almost cried and argued some more...he asked me why i broke up with him...i tried to explain the fact that he has a lot of growing up to do...and he kinda go offended (imagine that)...anyway...i made the mistake of telling him how i started the relationship (which was not the best idea)...here's how i said it the first time (and yes i had to explain it 3 times each a different way because he kept taking it the wrong way and getting offended)...i said that i went into the relationship with the wrong intentions...basically that i really wanted a boyfriend and that i was in love with the whole "love" thing...does that make sense to anybody?...well it didnt to him...and he got really md and was just like oh so i was just something for you to show off...no no no no...he took that out of context...so i tried again...i'll be back a little later...the bell is going to ring...on to psych!!...what fun...

*UNTIL NEXT TIME TAKE CARE OF YOU*

well...i'm not sure i really want to finish the rest of the conversation cuz it was in the past...why relive it??

Good Morning to All

i did it...i broke up with kevin...

at first is was really hard but then he truly showed his ass and made it a lot easier...heres how it went...

...he called me like five times on sunday...i really didnt want to talk on the phone cuz i was hanging out with my family...so yesterday he calls me and i do answer the phone and he's like...what was going on yeseterday...i told him i really didnt want to talk to anyone on the phone...he was just like oh ok...then i went into harrisburg to get my mom something...and i decided to swing by his house just to say hi...we sat in my car and just talked...we talked about job corp and stuff like that...then he said..."when i go to job corp...i wont call you and bug you as much..." i was like what are you talking about...you dont bug me...i just dont think its that crucial that we talk everyday...then...i told him that i loved him but i'm not in love with him and all of that...and then hes like so i guess you just want to be friends then...i just nodded my head...he got out of the car...walked around to my side...gave me a hug and said that he'd wait for me as long as he needed to...i apologized and cried some...he just walked away...then he did something that made what i did so much easier...he came back out and lit a cigarette right in front of me...now that might not sound like a big deal...but to me it was because when we first started talking...he said if i didnt want him to smoke in front of me he wouldnt...thats when we were friends...what he did by lighting that cigarette in front of me was straight disrespect...so...thats the end of that!...then he calls me at like 2 and starts apologizing and that he thinks i should reconsider and go back out with him...unfortunately for him...hes a little too late!!!

...he really hurt my feelings...

anyway...i was talking to my mom about it...and she was like honestly i dont mean to beat a dead horse about this...but you really should try and date someone around here...it would be a lot less stressful...lol...if only...

...well i think i'm gonna get going now...

*UNTIL NEXT TIME TAKE CARE OF YOU*

ps...BIG hug for lynn

Good Morning to All

emotions are a crazy thing arent they...

in about a month...kevin will be gone for about 10 months...he's going to job corp...which is a place where people can go to get specialized training...they are provided with a place to live...a job...and a high school diploma...

now the thing i dont understand is why i'm not really that sad...i mean i'm going to miss him...just not as much as i thought...

have you ever heard the saying "dont go window shopping with money in your pocket"....this is how it is in my situation..."dont get too close to another guy when you've got issues with the one have"... let me explain...

last night i was in a chat room and this 23 year old guy from ohio started talking to me...(no worries...i never give out any kind of important information)...anyway...we were just talking about nothing really...i told him about all of my insecurities...he told me about his life in general...not once was sex or my bra size mentioned...it was generally a very nice conversation...i told him that i'm kind of a loner and that i'm super selfconcious...he said that he thinks i'm too hard on myself..and he said..."if you ever let other people see the side of you that youre showing me...their going to love you"...*sigh*...that might have been a pick up line or something...but  it made me feel some kind a of special for a quick second...

i'm such a goof sometimes...

anyway...we exchanged email addresses...and he said he'd like to keep in touch...my question is do you think i should email him...or is it just too good to be true...that i could actually find someone (a guy specifically) who isnt obsessed with sex and just wants to talk for the company...i dont know...i need someone elses opinion...i have way too much money in my pocket to make a clear decision...let me know what you think...

well i'm gonna go now...

*UNTIL NEXT TIME TAKE CARE OF YOU*

PS...lynn i hope you had a great weekend!!!

Good Morning to All

Kevin isnt even trying to help his cause at all...lets take yesterday for instance...

...my mom and i drove into harrisburg so i could do some stuff...and show her the place where i got my nails done...which is about a block away from kevin's house...as we were driving by his house...he was sitting on the porch with 2 girls that i didnt know...now normally i would have pulled the car over and freaked the hell out...but i just kept driving...i wasnt mad or anything...honestly...anyway...my mom stuck her head out the window and yelled "hey kevin"...when he heard her voice he jumped up and instantly looked guilty...now this is what pissed me off...he looked guilty...later that night he called and was like...hey...whats going on...and then he started talking really fast...this is about how the conversation went...

Kevin: are you upset?

Tay: a little bit yeah because of how paranoid and guilty you looked when you came to my car...what was that about ?

K: i was paranoid because i had a rolled up cigarette behind my ear and i didnt know what you or your mom would think

T: oh my god are you serious? we were like 20 yards away from you how was either of us supposed to be able to see that the cigarette was rolled? come on now...you really dont believe that do you?

then there was an extremely long pause...

K: no for real i didnt know what you could see...um the fact that i was sitting with two girls neither of which were you...went through my mind too...

T: please stop trying to say what you think i wanna hear...anyway...like i said...its not the rolled up cigarette...or the girls sitting there that i'm mad at...what i'm really mad about is the fact that everytime you dont expect me to be in harrisburg and i show up unannounced...you are always with some girl (i was referring back to the kipona day thing also) and you always look like your doing something you dont need to be doing...now what you're actually doing i really dont know...but just the fact that you act paranoid and look guilty...leads me to believe you're being shady...

another extremely long pause...

K: well i dont know what to say...i gotta go to work now....so i'll call you later on tonite...love you

T: Yep               then i hung up the phone...

...the thing that pisses me off the most about that conversation...is the fact that he still doesnt understand why i'm mad at him...later that night i told my my mom that may i'm just not ready to be in a relationship with someone...she told me that she thinks i really am ready for relationships...its just he's not ready to be on the same level...maturity wise...as i am...and that maybe i should try and find somebody a little more local...LOL...i laughed and said...have you seen west perry's finest lately??...LOL...that being said...i'm still gonna keep my eyes open...you never know...

i just dont know what to do...i mean i do really want a boyfriend...but i want one that will at least try and pull his end of the deal...does that make sense??? i hope so...well now that i've written a book...i'm gonna go...

*UNTIL NEXT TIME TAKE CARE OF YOU*

PS...all of my love goes out to lynn!!!

(I MEAN THAT IN THE CLEANEST WAY POSSIBLE!!!  ;)  )