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Saturday, September 01, 2007

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Friday, August 03, 2007

  • Currently Reading
    The Princess Pawn
    By Maggie L. Wood
    see related

    Pouring_blood_in_my_heart

    Hm. I hate it when everyone in my family is yelling and arguing. It makes my stomach flip and my head hurt. But not just arguing. Fighting, I guess. Though the verbal kind of way. I can usually zone things out when I don't want to hear it, but sometimes it like a drill going right to my brain and I can't even think. Oh well.

    Here's a picture that I just decided to put up. No reason. Spur of the moment. Erratic. Whatever.

Friday, July 20, 2007

  • Sometimes pain is something that makes me horrified. Something that will hold me in its grasp and never let me go until I've been completely broken and shattered. But at other times it seems like pain is only a fairy tale. Like maybe it's real, but not real for me. Only a distant thing that I'll never know.

    And this scares me. It makes me feel like I'm drifting away. Leaving the world behind and floating all alone. I'm afraid, but no one is there to hold me and tell me that everything will be all right. And I just want to cry, but I have no tears in me. I've dried up.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

  • pouring_blood_in_my_heart

    Sometimes it feels like time continues on, but I'm stuck here. Between everything and nothing. Alone with only me and my thoughts, and dreams, and fears, and hurt. I want to catch up with everyone else, but they're so far away and I can't move. Like in dreams when something is chasing you, but you move so slowly. Like something is holding you back. That's how i feel. Like I'm being kept away from the world by a large invisible hand.

    And then sometimes I feel like I'm moving faster than anything else. Things jump out at me even before I realize they should be jumping out at me. I feel like the world is spinning faster than it should. And I'll fly off at any moment. But no one is there to help me, because I'm ahead of them. Drowning in my own sorrow. But no one can help me. Cause I'm all alone.

    Either ahead or behind. It doesn't matter. It gives me the same result. The unbearable agony of having no one with me. A deep fearful loneliness that presses in around me. Suffocating me. Smothering me.