kicking this back up cuz i ran out of blog ring space... need my Stuy T&F

first of all... HAPPY 100th B-DAY STUY!!

yea.. we're pretty kick ass.. and so was the strut. running in the short shorts wasnt that bad really. so i got up at 5~6 ish got dressed up and ran out into the darkness... trains sucked this morning and i didnt exactly know the way. walked around and met up with two of the girls track girls ((yea... i think that sounds right...even if it seems the grammer may be a bit off)). turns out stuy square is the same stuy square i spent my summer at 3 years ago for the IWWL. anyway... things didnt really happen cuz we were really early.... umm... got some crappy starbucks.. some t.v. time... krispy kreme....  hmm... i've seem to have lost the words to descibe everything. dammit... couldnt get a shirt... and wanna by one either... stashed all our stuff in coaches car ((both track teams shared it and i just gotta say the girls team is hot...)) didnt really wanna run in the ss but i gave up and fell to peer-pressure and wore those sexy-ass short shorts anyway. turns out we didnt get a permit to block the streets so we wound up running with traffic... the first street//intersection was insane... wind blew by and it was rough.. the whole leading section of the pack ((all track)) gave a yell... its was funny. i basically ran alone but even with the pain in BOTH shins i stayed ahead of the second pack of jr/non dist+varsity runners and the girls team. basically it was the XC regulars far ahead then me by myself then the other track team then everyone else. got beat in the end my some old guy... damn you... stupid pain... and tried to sprint what i t hought was the last part. i think i only lost that little bit cuz of all the energy i wasted to catch up to pass this girl and to get up to the guy ahead of me. new feeling: when you can feel ur whole body heat up and every muscle in use.... breathing becomes different... chest and throat locks  up... its not good or bad. couldnt swallow afterwards which was bad... first sip of water couldnt go. walked around and hung out with the fencing people... nothing really happened... listened to the band.... drank a whole lot of sb coffee and snapple... contemplated whether or not to buy a shirt i stupidly forgot to get ((eh.... more food money for me)). i really gotta find some more friends... anyway... again stupid trains....

ok...so since no one comes here this site is shut down. it only exists for archival purposes only.. for the memories and all that. that'll be the only reason i post here anymore so if you wanna reach the new and improved ((probably less insanely long and insane in general))

:: PoZ part II

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=viktemovdaviv0rld

new vic for a new year:: this is the beginning of the end and probably the best times of our lives

wondering if anyone still comes to this one...

so first day of school... its just fan-bloody-tastic isnt it? my sched.is crappy but ill deal with it ((have some pretty decent teachers though...no crazies yet..)) so lets start from the beginning... so the morning was the same as any other morning. woke up a half hr late and barely ate anything before i ran out to the station. got to school an hr later with a killer kink in my neck cuz of the damn strap on my bag ((forgot to pack so i grabbed the first thing on my desk)). walked to the bridge which was stacked wall to wall with freshies and other people so i headed out to the park cuz for some insane reason i thought there was something i can do there. so theres the first point: "IM...STUPID CUZ I THINK I CAN DO THINGS WITH PEOPLE" ((".." cuz apparently "cussing" is bad...? ok..)).

yep...thats nice... somehow when all my connections with anyone from stuy grew weaker ((what few connections there were)), everyone elses ... grew stronger. i mean f..or real, thats such a b...ummer. so later i go in and its hr and everyone is back in their little groups and all, we get our stuff and time passes and all that and we off to first ((which i dont have)). so in passing again... my last point... people just got a lot closer. then im running around in the halls doing nothing when i walk by 3rd and 6th and see that all the lockers were taken and the bar power transfer was done and the idea was "damn..that was fast" ((which has nothing to do with me...but just a symbol of the power play between the classes and the azn majority here)). alright...lets just cut to the chase...the day SUCKED. theres really not anyone that im "friendly" towards in my classes. i got a good look at the competition ((acedmically, athletically, socially which includes the new and the evolved)) and i got burned. so while thinking about how wrong things are - where everyone..i mean everyone even the "nerds//dorks" (( rosen term )) had their own dominate social group that was sizable and able to compete with the crazy mass of "cool" people ((jocks, wannabe ghetto azns, "other" pop. azns, the azn azns and super-social cutthroats etc.)). its like f...reak.. where the hell am i in this organized inter-connected chaos??

the minute i walked in there and saw everything again... when the familiarity struck again... everything is sucked out of me.. all the hopes and the dreams for something better. everything that popped in my head no matter how crazy that i thought that could be was gone... stripped away. so this feels more hopeless but at least it hurts less but the thoughts keep coming back that i cant live with this. i really just dont want to go through with the crazy emptiness ((no wonder ranking in at the top of fav. songs is LP's "somewhere i belong")). conducted another mini-experiment today... guess my physics teacher didnt see me not go up to present with the group...oh well... just another look at things with me. SO WHAT DO I DO NOW???

saw blaufarb and preiss in the buiding today..scary stuff.. 

pd.1  FREE
pd.2  ap psych   farbstein  739
pd.3  mando 1    n/a ((temp. rolle))  1007
pd.4  math dalleva 407
pd.5  LUNCH
pd.6  gym/physics clemmons 3fg
pd.7  physics  nolen  829 
pd.8  comp. tech  rosen  250
pd.9  american  kelley 305
pd.10 early. am lit colon 639

so am i crazy desperate now? thats for you to decide but for those of you who want me to stfu, do something about it. either help me or finish me off...this is also for you to decide

remember what i said? world full of competition waiting to bash me on the head

PoZ part II
PoZ guide to messed-up ness

i really cant do this. what is "this"? whatever the hell it is that im doing right now... i just cant and i dont know why ((or maybe i do)). no chances given,  no punches pulled, no victories given without a fight

i either go down as the first line or i go down with the ship. whatever it is, i just want to do something for the good fight...