wondering if anyone still comes to this one...

so first day of school... its just fan-bloody-tastic isnt it? my sched.is crappy but ill deal with it ((have some pretty decent teachers though...no crazies yet..)) so lets start from the beginning... so the morning was the same as any other morning. woke up a half hr late and barely ate anything before i ran out to the station. got to school an hr later with a killer kink in my neck cuz of the damn strap on my bag ((forgot to pack so i grabbed the first thing on my desk)). walked to the bridge which was stacked wall to wall with freshies and other people so i headed out to the park cuz for some insane reason i thought there was something i can do there. so theres the first point: "IM...STUPID CUZ I THINK I CAN DO THINGS WITH PEOPLE" ((".." cuz apparently "cussing" is bad...? ok..)).

yep...thats nice... somehow when all my connections with anyone from stuy grew weaker ((what few connections there were)), everyone elses ... grew stronger. i mean f..or real, thats such a b...ummer. so later i go in and its hr and everyone is back in their little groups and all, we get our stuff and time passes and all that and we off to first ((which i dont have)). so in passing again... my last point... people just got a lot closer. then im running around in the halls doing nothing when i walk by 3rd and 6th and see that all the lockers were taken and the bar power transfer was done and the idea was "damn..that was fast" ((which has nothing to do with me...but just a symbol of the power play between the classes and the azn majority here)). alright...lets just cut to the chase...the day SUCKED. theres really not anyone that im "friendly" towards in my classes. i got a good look at the competition ((acedmically, athletically, socially which includes the new and the evolved)) and i got burned. so while thinking about how wrong things are - where everyone..i mean everyone even the "nerds//dorks" (( rosen term )) had their own dominate social group that was sizable and able to compete with the crazy mass of "cool" people ((jocks, wannabe ghetto azns, "other" pop. azns, the azn azns and super-social cutthroats etc.)). its like f...reak.. where the hell am i in this organized inter-connected chaos??

the minute i walked in there and saw everything again... when the familiarity struck again... everything is sucked out of me.. all the hopes and the dreams for something better. everything that popped in my head no matter how crazy that i thought that could be was gone... stripped away. so this feels more hopeless but at least it hurts less but the thoughts keep coming back that i cant live with this. i really just dont want to go through with the crazy emptiness ((no wonder ranking in at the top of fav. songs is LP's "somewhere i belong")). conducted another mini-experiment today... guess my physics teacher didnt see me not go up to present with the group...oh well... just another look at things with me. SO WHAT DO I DO NOW???

saw blaufarb and preiss in the buiding today..scary stuff.. 

pd.1  FREE
pd.2  ap psych   farbstein  739
pd.3  mando 1    n/a ((temp. rolle))  1007
pd.4  math dalleva 407
pd.5  LUNCH
pd.6  gym/physics clemmons 3fg
pd.7  physics  nolen  829 
pd.8  comp. tech  rosen  250
pd.9  american  kelley 305
pd.10 early. am lit colon 639

so am i crazy desperate now? thats for you to decide but for those of you who want me to stfu, do something about it. either help me or finish me off...this is also for you to decide