AssClownery to the MAX!what tom foolery does the Prince of Assclowns have in store for us today?
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Name: Assclown
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Belleville
Birthday: 9/18/1984
Gender: Male


Interests: Tae Kwon Do - double nunchakus. Ask me and I will give a demonstration. I also like to torture little kids and then watch them cry.
Expertise: Hugging and Kissing and cuddling. Side kicking little kids through walls and making them cry. I also like to yell at them. I'm gonna be an awesome parent one day!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Retail


Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM: Blisteronmyfoot
MSN: la_arana@hotmail.com


Member Since: 5/19/2004

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Thursday, February 21, 2008

Currently Listening
It Ends Tonight
By The All-American Rejects
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Man it's been a while

Yeah, really, I haven't written in this thing for a while.  I've had a lot of time lately.  Where do I even begin?  Teaching is going well.  I've got my own classroom now.  I'm no longer a floater.  I would have rather gotten the classroom under different circumstances, but I've dealt with it.  Atleast I've gotten closure on that subject.  I got to go to Karate last Thursday and it's great to know when all of stl seems to know of your latest happenings.  Gossip travels fast apparently.  That's one thing that annoyed me with the stuff that was going on at work.  Random stories from both teachers and students...it was pleseant...especially when it had to do with your mentor teacher.  This on the other hand deals with me...I guess it goes to show that you really can't trust that many people in this world.  All I know is that the future is blurry but I remain optimistic...it's one of my better qualities.  Just like the whole teacher situation last semester, this is starting to affect my teaching.  Being a teacher, you're a performer, it's hard to fake positive attitude the whole day.  Especially through those classes that you'd rather not teach.  Maybe it's time for those classes to start seeing real discipline in my class.  Who knows...  It's a double edge sword because once the day ends, and all the students have left, there's only three people in my classroom...me myself and I...and it's hard to block them out at times.

Back to karate, I got to free spar.  It's been a long time in the making.  I tend to get these really aggressive streaks I've noticed.  It just so happens that they were sparring at karate.  So after me warming up the class and Jenny showing the whitebelts a new kick, we were off and sparring.  The end was the best.  We did team sparring...like we did up in that one tournament in CT.  It was so fun sending fighters out to the floor like Pokemon.  LOL  Well, the score was tied 4-4 or something and it came down to the final fight.  Me vs. Mitchell.  It was great...before the match started we gave each other a hug...and I said to him, "I'm sorry." <- I know how wrong that sounds.  So the fight begins and right away all the training goes out the window and it quickly degrades into a hockey fight.  It was AMAZING.  At one point I had Mitchell against the wall punching him in the head and I remember saying to myself "Forgive me for what I must do" as my knee came flying into his stomach.  (the fight was strictly to be punching and kicking only...no ground fighting  )  Well, we both got good shots on each other and we chased each other across the ring...it came down to a final decision and I ended up being the winner.  I haven't had that much fun for a long time.

I've had the day off...and I have tomorrow off as well.  Tomorrow is fight night and I'm stoked.  It's that time again folks...time for me to punch and get punched, kick and get kicked, tap and be tapped.  I've learned a lot these past few years and I feel really really confident.  Next conquest Kimbo Slice!  Maybe not just yet. 

Let's see, what else, I went to D.C. last month for a business conference.  The place was pretty cool, too bad the only thing I got to see was the McDonald's outside my hotel.  It was a  lot of fun though.  It made me realize something though.  I'm not in college anymore.  I can't stay up late anymore.   Hmmmm...that's about it.  I can make a mean haiku...ask me and I'll have one made up for you in less than a minute.  Other than that, I can't think of anything else.  Ciao ciao. 

      


Sunday, August 26, 2007

Teaching

I must say, teaching has been a lot of fun....so far I've got two weeks under my belt...and I've got many more in sight.  Like I've said before, I sorta like this teaching thing...I think I'll stick with it.  Let's see how the kids are a few weeks from now though.  This is what I call the honeymoon stage...where the kids are good because they don't know what to expect from you and all that.  Gotta love my co-workers too.  They have helped me and have taken me under their wings.  A lot has been going on, so I can't even thing of anything...wow.

Last night I went to my friend Jenny's wedding.  We met at SLU 101, and it was absolutely amazing seeing her get married.  Who can complain about food and EtOH either.  I'll tell you what, the table I was sitting at really took advantage of the beer.  When they found out that beer stops at 8...all the guys at the table made a few mad rushes to the bar and got a few pitchers.  This was hilarious...I was dancing with Emily...then when I went back to the table, I saw all these beer pitchers and I was like, "Damn, this makes you guys look like a bunch of alcoholics!!!"  The food was amazing too!  I think it's safe to say that I got my fair share of food. 

The wedding was really nice.  There was a slide show and everything.  I only fear what type of slide show my wedding party would put together for me (if I were to have one.)  The wedding was unique due to the fact that they were getting married by the groom's father.  But yeah, good wedding, good reception.  They played a lot of 80's music.  I requested a song by Dead or Alive, but we didn't stay long enough to hear it. 

Afterward M & I went to Eville and had some fun.  Enough said.  I didn't stay long enough for any assclownery either.      


Sunday, August 05, 2007

End of TKD Torture Camp

So Friday was the last day of Summer camp and I gotta say, damn it was fun!  At first I did NOT want to lead the thing.  In fact, I don't even think I wanted to take part in camp.  However, after 5 days of pure fun I know I'm going to miss everything.  Usually, SPlash City water park is my favorite activity of the week, but Thursday's trip to the park was by far the highlight of the week.  We played the usual game of soccer for a it, then I decided to set all our stuff near the giant wooden fortress playground area.  It was there that I decided to play capture the flag in the wooden playground area.  Damn that was fun, it was Spartans vs. Persians.  This time around, we Spartans won both times.  I think the funnest part of the day was the water balloon fight.  We had leaders vs. campers.  We had two towers and a bridge to work with while the campers had the low ground...and somehow we still got owned.  Strength in numbers I guess.  It would have been ok, but there was this little 7 year old spitfire who was running up the stairs with god mode on.  He would keep running at us taking all these shots, and worst of all, there were big kids hiding behind him throwing balloons at us.  Needless to say, we lost a tower and a bridge early on and never recovered.  Pegging kids with balloons is fun.  Some kids tried a sneak attack on the slide, but Clay just nailed the kid on the slide and he tumbled down the slide...it was a sight to see.  I think the funniest part though took place during the first seconds of the fight.  Clay hit a kid in the balls so he was hunched over...then he hit the same kid in the face.  OMG, I am a genious is all i have to say   This has definitely been a fun week, and I won't mind if Tony decides to go on vacation this time next year either. 

Friday was the Summer camper demonstration.  Man, we put that together the day of.  Of course we had been working on it all week, but we put the whole thing together only a few hours before the demo was supposed to happen.  It was great.  I was talking to Benny, and he was telling me that the demo was always crappy, but kids and parents have fun.  Well, I told him that this was going to be the pinnacle of crapiness.    It was pretty craptacular I have to say.  We incorporated crowd participation and everything. 

This is the best part of the demo I have to say.  The instructors put on their own section of the demo and even included a fight scene.  This fight scene was a spoof of last year's children's fight scene.  For those of you that don't know, during the children's fight scene, kids played soccer and then skillfully defended themselves against big bullies.  During practices we had the kids playing soccer with the dead bodies on the floor.  There was even this one time the two "good guys" from the fight scene moved a dead body so they could continue playing soccer.  The day of the tournament, Tony told me, clay, and the kids that they better not be playing soccer or he'd kill us.  Something about the crowd and it being innappropriate.  Well, during our fight scene we modeled the choreography off the kid's fight scene and at the end of the fight...yep you guessed it...the good guys moved bodies out of the way and continued to play soccer.  It was hilarious!!!

Last Thursday, I made history when Master Song gave me my 4th degree black belt, making me his first 4th degree in school's history.  wow, can you believe it, me being his first promoted 4th Dan in over 25 years of teaching Tae Kwon Do?  It's absolutely amazing, and for me to be that student is an even greater honor.  So I take my place as the highest rank at the school...until Michelle gets her belt...then she's got me by age.      


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Testing and Tae Kwon Do Torture Camp

So a lot has happened since last Saturday.  I finally tested for my 4th degree.  The test began bright and early at 7 AM with 1000 traditional bows.  We were expected to finish in 2-2.5 hours, but surprisingly, we got done in only 1.5 hours.  Mrs. Gundlach was going kinda fast, so I just kept her pace.  So it was 8:30 and we had 1.5 hours to bum around.  A few people made us cookies and brownies!

Quite a few people showed up for the test.  There were a lot of people from the school that came and watched just to see what a 4th degree test looked like.  In addition, a few friends came to show their support as well: Jenny, DL, Christen, Emily M, Mitchell, Laila, Kim and Rehan, Brian, Ron, Regina, and of course, the two young ones.  Thanks a lot for coming guys!  So testing starts off as normal, 100 jumping roundhouses and we finish, then Master Song says, Derek and Michelle, 100 more jumping roundhouses..."Fuck" was the first word that came to mind when he said that, "Oh well, this is what 4th degree is all about!"  So we finish then we get to the push ups we did 100 knuckle push ups.  Normally, when I'm fresh, I can rock out into the high 80's, but that day, I hit 50 and thought to myself "Shit...if he has us do 100 more I'll be screwed."  Well, he didn't have us do anymore.  So we move onto hand techniques, which wasn't bad, then we do the kicking combinations.  This is where it all fell apart for me.  This is probably the hardest part of the test for me since there's a lot of jumoing and kicking multiple times in the air.  It's kick after kick after kick with no breaks in between.   So yeah, I was happy to get through that part. 

Next came forms, now those sucked.  Usually, this is where I get all my energy back. No no no, I wasn't having any of it.  On Saturday, I had a damn battery that I couldn't recharge fast enough. >:O  So I eventually got through all my forms.  Funny story, in my last form I do a fall and an attack, but Kim was telling me afterwards that during that form she thought I was so tired that I had fallen...so she was saying to herself, "Oh no Derek, get up get up!"  Now that's hilarious.  Tony was telling me that he saw pain on my face during forms...usually I have no expression, so you know it's pretty bad.  So I got through all the self-defense, I did my breaking, and next came the brick break.  I was to break 4 bricks. Earlier in the wekk Tony was telling me about these bricks and he scared the shizzle out of me.  Usually the patio bricks that he buys are of lower quality, but the ones that he got were a lot more dense than the ones he usually buys.  It was all they had.    So tony was like, "Dude, you're screwed!"  So of course I'm thinking, "fuck fuck shit fuck" to myself.  Yeah, I tend to cuss a lot to myself when it comes to testing, but I broke those bricks no problem. 

Here's a funny part of the testing.  When Master Song had us do the bows, he wasked us to find out why we were doing 1000.  So in the middle of testing he sits us down and asks us, "are you empty yet?"  He was referring to our minds and if they were cleared yet or not.  the bows are supposed to clear the mind.  The conversation went on for a bit.  At one point I was saying that the path of the martial artists was to walk the never-ending path towards self-perfection.  Mater Song's response?  "So you think you're better than God?!"  "Wow Derek, you really took it on that one." I thought.  So at the end of the conversation he asks, "So I ask this again, are you empty yet? Michelle?"

-Yes sir, very empty -Michelle

-What about you Derek? Are you empty yet? -Master Song

-Pretty darn close sir! -me

Master Song just repeated that to himself with a little smile.  He just said, "well you're gonna stay here for 5 more hours until you're empty!"  Luckily he was just joking. But yeah, at the end of the testing he granted Michelle and I our 4th degrees.  It was great, people were cheering and everything.  We were the first two people ever to pass their 4th degree testing.  The only problem was that Sarah didn't make the Belt order on time and now we're wating for the shipment to come. >:O

Ok, so I got a great present from Jenny.  After testing we all went to Emporer's Wok and she gave me a wiggles tape   I still have to watch it, bit it's a great present.   Thanks big sis!

TKD summer camp has been a lot of fun.  Tony is off at Red Bull dancing camp this week. (He was 1 of 30 dancers chosen to come to this thing)  So that means I'm in charge of Summer camp.  Yeah, it was scary.  But I've been through a lot of summer camps as a group leader, I would just be doing a little more.  Actually being camp coordinator is a lot easier because I just watch and supervise the other leaders, so I get to sit and relax a lot. 

So Monday was the first day and we went to Centerfield park.  When we got back, we played some dodgeball.  OMX, we've been playing that so much this week.  So many kids got hurt from playing this since we were using the helmets as balls.  So we've been playing A LOT of dodgeball, it's been great.  Tuesday we played some more dodgeball and went bowling.  After we came back from bowling, guess what we did...played some more dodgeball.  Today we went to a waterprak in Collinsville, IL.  That place is so much fun, it's my favorite activity of the week.  We didn't get to play dodgeball today, but I did get to do something just as enjoyable...make a kid cry.  So when we were wating in line, I heard this kid say, "I'm going to bit you!"  So I yelled, "Who said that?!?!"  and this little kid named Josh fessed up.  So in my infinite assclown glory, I was like, "That's it Josh, you're done.  Take my keys and sit in my car.  You're not going to play today."  So he takes my keys and and he walks away, he was like, "I was only playing."  Then I say, "So am I."   He obviously didn't hear it though.  Then he turns around and is like, "I don't even know which one is your car!!!"  Then clay goes, "Dude, he's just messing with you!"  That's when he started crying.  He was all like, "That's not funny!!!!"  Oh, poor Josh, you're right, it wasn't funny, it was down right hilarious.  So yeah, this week has been a little stressful but rewarding.  If Tony were in charge we would be doing a lot more work and a lot less dodgeball.  So I'm happy that I'm in charge this year.  He wants me to be in charge again next year...I just might >: ) 

Oh yeah, so the school moved and today was the first day in the new school, and yours truly got to teach the first class in the new school.. I rock

I got the greatest surprise ever yesterday too!  So when we all got back form bowling, there were flowers on the secretary's desk.  I didn't know they were for me until Sarah said, Do you know you have flowers here for you?  So yeah, Emily sent me some wonderful flowers because I'm so awesome...or for passing my 4th degree test...because I'm so awesome!


Friday, July 27, 2007

Wow, so I just wanted to say that the support and encouragement that I've been getting for this testing have been amazing!  Tony has been promoting this thing as the "event of the century" type deal, and he's gotten a lot of people excited and interested...and in turn they are going to come watch me and Mrs. Gundlach test for out 4th degrees.   Here's a bit of news.  I found out what the surprise for testing is...and to my dismay, it's not chocolate cake.   Master Song is going to make us do 1000 traditional Korean bows.  So we have to be at the school by 7 A.M.  Here's what rbings a tear to my eye.  People that could be sleeping or doing other things will be there to greet me at the door and watch me do every single traditional bow.  It's amazing...no words can describe how I feel.  I mean, one of the black belts who has watched me grow up and all that will show up at 6:30 A.M. to cheer me on.  Wow is all I gotta say.  So that's it for now.  Tomorrow is the big day and hopefully I'm up to the challenge.  For those of you that don't know what a traditional bow is, check out the site that Emily found for me.

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/12/29/1072546469482.html?from=storyrhs

It's bascially from a standing postion: lower yourself by bending your knees, put your hands on the floor, and bowing your head to the floor.



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