Healing waters flow.

The angry stage has passed. I can't say I really understand it right now, but how is that something to understand? I guess(hope) there's a reason. He was such a sweetheart. I never heard him say anything bad about anyone; he was always polite and quick to say or do something nice. That's a beautiful thing to be remembered for.

I know that as believers we can rejoice in the fact that he's home; but that doesn't make it not hurt.

I was sitting outside my room on Sunday night, numb and in shock and Melanie came over and just sat with me. At first we didn't say anything and then she asked if I needed a hug. I said, "I'll cry." But sometimes that's okay.

Then she said, "you know what? He's probably already playing guitar in heaven." He was a great guitarist. His band played in chapel last week, and they covered the song "I Am Free." Now he knows what that means, not just in an earthly sense but fully and completely. Now he can praise God all the time, without school or stress or drama. That doesn't make it not hurt. I still feel numb.

I've never had to deal with this before. I've had hard things this semester. I've learned so much more since January than I learned the 18 years before I left home. But this is the climax. The big bang to end the semester. Frankly, I could have done without the excitement.

An article about the Virginia Tech shootings said "Life is mundane until it is not, and then the mundane can look serene." Too true.

But we have to have faith. There has to be something unseen here that will bring about a good. I have to have faith that it will.

Here at southeastern university, we're in the process of becoming better people: more educated, informed, and equipped to be tomorrow's leaders. I study a lot, get enough sleep and eat my vegetables whenever i don't get them confused with starches. I'm also trying to achieve the highest level of christian responsibility that i can by growing in certain areas one at a time: be more focused, less judgmental, more accepting, friendly, compassionate, and sincere. At school you're supposed to learn a lot and the first thing i learned was that that is not as easy as it sounds; even at a christian university.

Example?

Number One: My Lesson in Friendliness

So the day before yesterday was my friendly day. I put on friendly clothes (hollister) and straightened my hair so i looked super-cute (and friendly). While walking to class I smiled at every person I passed, be it a teacher, janitor, board member or fellow student. I said "good morning" to people I didn't know and most of them smiled right back. Halfway between Esperanza (where i live) and the dining hall, it started to rain. No, I take that back. It started to pour. My friendly clothes didn't look so friendly and my shiny pretty hair looked more like a drowned rat. I ran the rest of the way to the cafeteria.

"It's raining." somebody informed me.

"No, really?!" I snapped sarcastically.

Oops. Strike number one.

I tried to regain my composure as I sat down with my friends. Be happy, be friendly, be nice. I told myself.

Our student body president was sitting at the next table over from us. We stood up at the same time and our eyes met. He smiled.

"How are you?" I asked with my sweetest smile.

"Good, how about you?"

Our student body president is 6'4" and brown-eyed and beautiful. I felt very happy with myself. Being friendly was a very good thing.

After lunch I went to my intro to lit class. While waiting for it to start I met a kid from Canada and two sweet Spanish girls. They, like most of the student population at SEU, were young and beautiful.

I had an empty seat next to me. The teacher was late, and the door opened. An old woman walked in. She was old enough to be my grandmother. At first I thought she was the teacher, but she was old enough to be the teacher's grandmother. She walked slowly and had bandages on her face and arms.

"Is anyone sitting there?" She asked in a shaky voice.

I was caught off guard. It was my friendly day, but friendliness was about connecting with young, beautiful people.

"You are." I said with a smile, pushing my books over to make room for her.

She sat down uncertainly and my heart broke. She probably was somebody's grandmother. There was probably someone my age who called her and asked how classes were going and did she have nice teachers? did she make any friends?

"It's been so rainy outside." She said. "I slipped and fell."

"Oh?"

"I fell flat on my back and the next thing I knew, two paramedics were taking me to the hospital." She put a hand shyly over her bruised arm. "Goodness, it looks awful."

"No it doesn't." I said instinctively. "I hardly notice it."

We talked some more and she told me about her classes and where she was from and I gave her our writing assignment from the last meeting.

I walked out of class humbled. I smiled at everybody, but not because I was being cheerful and friendly. I just smiled because sometimes, people need friends. Sometimes people need to see the compassion in humanity, and feel that even those who aren't necessarily in their social circles are still united by human nature.

Being friendly to upper-class college-age hotties is not a sacrifice. It is not enriching to my spirit or helpful to my becoming a better person. I learned more from that brief encounter with that old woman than I would from dozens of interactions with my friends and classmates.

Life's kinda funny sometimes.

Well that's all for now. I know I'll write again because there's plenty of other lessons to learn (I am, after all, only in my first week). I have to wake up in six hours and tomorrow is a new day...so wish me luck =)