| | You know, I've been looking back lately at all of the entries I've ever
done in this thing. It's kinda crazy. I've grown up a lot, it seems. I
graduate in a week. I know I'm just going of to community college, but
it feels like I'm leaving something very important behind. But I'm okay
with that. I've never been okay with things like that before. I was
petrified to leave elementary school. I went back and visited it the
other day. It seemed so much smaller than it once had. I was nothing
short of grateful to leave junior high, but that's to be understood,
looking at the junior high I went to. I walked out of that building
confident in the knowledge that I would never enter it again. Not for a
million dollars. I think that's my one exception to what I'm trying to
say here. I mean, every summer I hate having to leave my friends!
Because we all suddenly are away doing other things. It'll be the same
this summer, only some of them will go and I'll never see them again.
And I guess that makes me sad, but mostly I'm okay with it. Why is
that? Why am I accepting this fate? I certainly don't want to loose my
friends, but it's inevitable. I guess, over the years, I've learned to
accept the inevitable.
There's something else I've really come to accept about myself this
year, on the topic of my writing. I've finally realized that I do not
want to be a writer anymore. I don't even want to study writing in
college. I even hope I won't have to do too much writing in college,
although I know I'll have to. I've realized that, as far as writing is
concerned, I'm finished. Burned out. All those classes have driven me
to it. I mean, I always knew I didn't want to go into journalism
because it would require me to write with deadlines, and I knew I
couldn't do that. Writing has to be for me only, on my time, whenever I
feel like it. I'm only really just starting to grasp that that applies
to ALL THE TIME for me. People say that "if you want to become a
writer, you have to learn to deal with it". So you know what? I won't
become a writer. DON'T get me wrong, I'll still write. But I will do as
a very wise man once told me: "Write for yourself. No one else."
Write for yourself. No one else.
~Cara
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| | Posted 5/27/2008 9:50 PM - 27 views - 1 comments
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