-*-Did you ever look, Did you ever see that one person,
    And the subtle way that they do these things 
    And it hurts so much?
    So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
    It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions.
    And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
    You let this one person come down 
    In the most perfect moment.
    And it breaks my heart to know,
    The only reason you are here now is--
    A reminder of what I'll never have.
    I'll never have...I'll never...
    Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
    Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
    But this table for one has become bearable.
    I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.-*-

I absolutely love that song...

Well, it's been awhile since I have updated, so I figured that I would do so before life got hectic. A lot has been happening, and mostly for the good!

Lets just say one word... ANDREW!  haha, if you want to know more, just ask. {If you're lucky maybe I shall tell you.} I am not announcing my personal life in here because the last time I did that, people talked shit! So therefore, I have to keep everything on the down low!

On that note, tomorrow is my last day of high school for the rest of my life.  I am fucking stoked as all hell, but I will definitely miss my friends. Especially my lunch table...I guarentee that I will be calling some of them up and keeping in touch. {CHRISTINE!!}

Starting next week I will be working nearly every day. I start day shift which means I get a shit load of hours, but also more money! {That's the only plus.} I am sure I will get the shits of that place, but I can't do too much until I actually get my diploma. I need to finish paying bills and shit, and then start saving up money like crazy.

I guess if any one wants to get ahold of me they will have to call my mobile device, or you can visit me at work...even though most of ya'll will be in school when I am working. 

"They can punch me high, and they can kick me low. Spit on me, it's going to take more than that for them to break my soul."

"And if you go...
    I want to go with you. 
 And if you die...
    I want to die with you.
Take your hand and walk away."

I really am getting tired of searching through my comments just to find the new ones that people left me. It's pretty annoying.

I am FINALLY fucking updating, even if it is for the wrong reasons. Is there anybody rejoicing? I am sure you all love hearing about my life. {SARCASM}

It would be real fucking lovely if people would stop running their fucking mouths. And perhaps would just SHUT their traps when it comes to my life. I'm pretty fucking sure that I am NOT going out with Shane for the fucking record! And I am also pretty sure that whoever is telling people that I am {even if they are my "friend"} will definitely get bitched out. I fucking HATE when people act like they know all about my life and go and tell shit like that.

I am not fucking with him.

I never fucking was.

So how about people just shut up and find someone better to talk about.

THANKS.

"I'll be faithful. I'm for real. And with us you'll always know the deal. We've been too strong for too long. And I can't be without you."

-*-Maybe it's too late,
  But this feeling is running thru my soul.
  I think I've learned what love is,
  But I'm afraid to let it go...
  Maybe it's too late,
  Maybe you've already changed your mind.
  Turned loving into leaving & I'm on the outside.
  You can't take these words to bed with you.
  And hold onto them at night.
  They can't erase the emptiness,
  And make everything alright.
  But your laughter and your tenderness...
  Will never disappear.
  No matter where you are tonight, 
  A part of you is here with me.-*-

Shane is leaving today. For good.

The past 3 days have been the worst ever.

I didn't get to see him on Thursday. That definitely sent me downhill, because I was looking forward to it all week.  

He called me yesterday though, I was rather surprised. We talked for a good 3 hours, and then I went to work. He came in, and I couldn't even look at him. It was too fucking hard, I just couldn't do it.  I completely fucking lost it after he left.

After work I was supposed to go out, but I definitely wasn't in the mood for company so I cancelled my plans and just came home. I did basically nothing until 10 rolls around and the phone rings. It turned out to be Shane. We talked for awhile, and around 12 we got off the phone. FUCK, saying goodbye was so hard. It took so long...

"I don't know when I'll talk to you next. I will let you know when I come back to visit though. Shit, this sucks. I love you..."

::silence:: "I love you too."

I don't know when I will talk to him. I don't know when I will see him.

It hurts so much. I didn't know it'd be this hard.

I can't make it on my own...My hearts with you.

"And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you. Would you tell me how it could be any better than this."

-*-This hole that you put me in wasn't deep enough.
    And I'm climbing out right now...
    You're running out of places to hide from me.
    When you go...just know that I will remember you.
    If living was the hardest part, 
    We'll then one day be together.
    And in the end we'll fall apart...
    Just as the leaves changing colors.
    And then I will be with you,
    I will be there one last time now.-*-

I am actually at home on a Saturday night.  Shocking, I know.

Shane left today.  I will have to survive without him for 5 days. I know that may not seem like a long time, but to me it is. Especially since I see and talk to him every single day...

I shopped a lot this week...shat, it was a blast. I saw Amanda at the mall.  Some fucking retarded ass kid tried to do a trick on the wall with his bike, and he ended up smacking his face right into the wall. It was fucking hilarious.

I woke up hella early this morning for work, and I have to again tomorrow morning. I think I am actually going to go shower and stay up in my room for the night.

AHHHHH----SHANE JUST CALLED ME. YAAAAY!!!

He's calling back later on. I will be sleeping, but I will talk to him anyhow...for a few.

" I'll breathe you in {and I'll breathe you in}}. You are my oxygen alone."

-*-But you always find a way,
    To keep me right here waiting.
    You always find the words,
    To keep me right here waiting.
    And if you chose to walk away, 
    I'd still be right here waiting.
    Searching for the things to say,
    To keep you right here waiting.-*-

I've been at Shane's just about constantly since last Thursday. I stayed there for like 5 hours on Monday, and yesterday I stayed for about 3 hours.  hah I definitely attacked him last night, it was fucking hilarious.

His bed squeaks SO overly loud. I know this because I was SITTING on it. 

Argh, I guess reality is starting to kick in that he is leaving for college in about 1 week. Actually it's less than a week, because he won't even be here Saturday thru Wednesday since he's going to the beach.  He was so sad last night and I had no idea what to say...I felt completely helpless.

He doesn't want to leave me, I know this. But what the hell am I supposed to do about it???? Christ.

I want my bed...I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night.

And I really should finish my school shopping tonight, and get some new black sneakers.

"I made a commitment. I'm willing to bleed for you. I needed fulfillment. I found what I needed in you."