Argh, to end a bad week, let's top it off with a bad night, huh?

I feel defeated but I've never really fought to begin with. No battle that has never been fought can be lost... but it would've been better off I fought maybe. Maybe it would've been better I put aside the nagging doubts and face the grim reality; to struggle to rise above. Maybe had I acted rather than watched, the winds of fate would not have blown against me. But perhaps it was just that: fate. I wonder if I have been destined to fall beneath, to crumble in defeat before the battle's done. I question the integrity of the life I command, it never seems that anything comes to me by chance. And even sometimes, not even direct action can defy the results brought before me. It is free will which I conflict against: the free will of those I oppose and those I defend. Yet it's funny, those I defend may not want my defense, I may not be wanted at all. And so I fall with nobody to catch me, running from this fight just to live another day, to fight another fight. Maybe it's about time to face reality though. Perhaps it's time to challenge fate, to turn about and stand strong against the tide of troubles slowly creeping up behind. Maybe it's time to make a final stand and to fall a warrior, for a coward dies a thousand deaths but the brave die but one...

No, that's not literal, but in my mind, that's where it's at... leave a comment if you wish, though I'm sure anything short of a quick twist in reality will bring me back from the depths of misery...

<Edit>

WILL SOMEBODY GIVE ME THE PROPER INFORMATION?!

So yea, Siena Physics Session 1... for whoever may care in the least

I think I've figured it out... being blunt and straightfoward just isn't the right way to go about things sometimes and taking the detour is a better route if not a tad bit longer... but I've till I die which should be around 77 if I'm to have an average lifespan.

Oh snap, our new lacrosse jerseys are the sickest things I've ever seen... they're awfully comfortable too... and yes, I play varsity just to say "I have a comfortable jersey" as opposed to actually playing and all...

The Fight is some pretty rocking music, go to purevolume.com right now and preview their songs... I mandate it.

Oh yea, happy Easter everybody, I'm not all that religious and I don't get why people celebrate the death and resurrection of this "Jesus" guy but hey, whatever suits your sadistical religion which celebrates the death of god's son and all...

ah dammit... our school really needs a sword-fighting team... not fencing, like big two-handed European sword fighting team... traditional fencing really... first blood drawn from the torso... or just a row team, either one's cool with me

If you have a significant other, then I hate you (try not to take it personally)

Rationalizing things sometimes is bad... you just trick yourself into believing things... someone remind me quickly to stop rationalizing things...

Never... NEVER... get your hopes up, take it from me...

If there's anything I SHOULD'VE learned today it would be to give up before things get worse... to stop having such an excessive personality... and to just accept life as it comes...

Naturally... I choose to do none of the above... giving up does nothing for me, and if I be burned yet again, so be it... I only live once, right? I will not be another someone who can't be himself. I won't let society take over my personality, I'm gonna be me. And accept life as it comes? Nothing ever just "goes" to you, it's up to you to go get it... and so I shall... after all, I'm already at the bottom of the food chain, I've nowhere to go but up.

I don't think I've been in a depressed mood for some time now... so I think I'll have to keep that record going, I've no intentions to let one bad day, one bad emotions, one bad experience, ruin my day, my week, my life.

I matters not that I may be torn to pieces (in the symbolic sense) should I continue to live my beliefs and to pursue what I choose to. What does matter is that I should possibly succeed and that if I do, there will never be the looming "what if" to haunt me forever...

All in all, I must say, today has seen me pass another 2 or 3 years in maturity... and I am glad that it was so... even if it may be that what I had hoped did not happen... at least I have gained from a loss. I daresay, I could almost thank the very ones I had hated but a mere moment ago...