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That's the new me.  Like it, or fuck off.

Comment or Add me to be added.  Later fuckers.

Okay, so here's the deal.  There are a couple of problems in my "oh so perfect plan," that I have come up with.  Now, it's too risky for me to discuss in great detail so I guess this post was pretty pointless.

I worked everyday except monday from last friday til this sunday.  My life is going to rock because my paycheck = fat!

Fucking beautiful.  That's what it is.

Last night was pretty fun.  I got wasted, got introuble with my mom, had a slumber party and all in all, it was a fairly good time.  Plus, it is Joe Lasker's 18th MOTHER FUCKING birthday today and we celebrated all night!!  This spring break has been fun so far and I hope that tonight goes just as well.  After all, today is my day off.

Yesterday at work was probably the most heart breaking day I've been through in a while.  First, Francisco had been giving me the cold shoulder for a few days, and when he's one of the only people you talk too, it fucking sucks to not be able to say a word, or act like yourself. 
Then, Ron wouldn't stop making fun of me and him and Francisco would laugh at me and it wasn't that I can't take a joke, it's the fact that I just told him to stop and he wouldn't. 
So finally, I just went into the bathroom and cried for about 10 minutes because I was so pissed off.  I called and talked to Jessica and she made me feel better.  Then, my dumbass came out of the bathroom only to see Joe and he asked me if I was alright and I just started crying.  He put his arm around me and just told me how things are and it just made me feel ten times better.
Then, Francisco came out into the showroom to help me clean up and I just kind of shrugged him off.  I know I shouldn't play that stupid game with him but it's hard to be pushed away and then just act like everythings fine.  So then I just left work after I was done and headed back to my house.
Francisco texted me later and kind of apologized and I don't know, it just made me smile.  It's funny how so many things can just make you upset and make it seem like the whole world is just fucking up everything in your life and one word, one simple little word of an apology and things are just okay again.  It's nice to know I've got my friend back.  I really hope things are different this time. 

When he said, "Rachael, I love her.  I love her so much,"  it made my heart melt.  I couldn't believe those words were coming out of a boys mouth.  Lately, it's been so hard to believe that love actually exsists, but looking into his eyes, I got so jealous because I wish that I had someone love me...like he loves her.

I've been confused lately. I haven't been quite honest with my feelings either. I wish I knew why I've been feeling this way. I lay awake in bed all night thinking about what I've done and who I'm hurting, or how they are hurting me. Sometimes I feel used and other times I just feel...dirty. Crying never helps me feel any bit better, though I still cry. Every morning, every night, on my way home from work, to work sometimes.. I can't help it. I have so many emotions and nothing to let it out on. I can't do this anymore. I just need to stop.

You're not some little boy, why are you acting so surprised?  You're sick of all the rules, well I'm sick of all your lies.  Now I've held back a wealth of shit, I think I'm going to choke.  I'm standing in the shadows with the words stuck in my throat.  Does it really come as a surprise when I tell you I don't feel good?  That nothing ever came from nothing man, oh aint that the truth.

I'll sing it one last time for you then we really have to go.  You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done.  To think I might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry.  And as we say our long goodbye, I nearly do.  I can barely look at you, but every single time I do, I know we'll make it anywhere.  Anywhere away from here.