sweet memories...

Currently Listening An Evening With By Shane & Shane see related

Jesus in the emergency room

i hate hospitals.. emergency rooms.. nursing homes.. doctors.. ok well hate might be a strong word.. but there's not a whole lot of fun associated with any of those places or people.. so when i found myself in the emergency room yesterday morning, i must say i wasn't exactly thrilled.. in fact i was a little scared.. there is something surreal about driving yourself to the emergency room.. being there alone.. no one to hold your hand.. or give you encouraging words.. thankfully, that didn't last very long.. i was able to cry out to my Savior through my tears.. knowing He was with me.. i wasn't thrilled about being there but i knew He was with me and it was the best place for me to be in.. then, as the Lord so often does.. He provided a dear friend, mentor and "adopted mom" to be by my side.. i am so thankful for this woman and the impact she has had on my heart.. life.. and relationship with God.. she is amazing.. strong.. wise.. and such a blessing..

thankfully.. after x-rays.. and a shot.. and a prescription of meds.. no work.. and plenty of rest.. i was able to leave that place.. it was in the moment that the dr said to me - "i want you to get plenty of rest this weekend and do nothing.." - that all i could do was laugh and see Jesus in the ER with me.. you see.. i'm growing.. i am changing.. but i often don't make very wise decisions.. and a few weeks ago.. that happened.. out of guilt i agreed to do something for my dad and help him out.. now, that isn't the problem.. i have no problem in helping my dad when he needs it.. however, i agreed to it out of guilt and i preferred to be at small group rather than where i was going to be.. then, out of stupidity and not really thinking it through, i agreed to something else for Saturday night.. so with both of these things coming up for the weekend i wasn't exactly thrilled to have the weekend here.. but i felt that rather than bailing on both of those events, i gave my word and needed to keep my word.. so i was going to.. until.. the ER and the doctor that told me to rest.. as i sat there laughing.. all i could say was....

'nothing like Jesus to put you in the emergency room in order to get you out of doing the things you didn't want to do this weekend!!!'

i am thankful for being in the emergency room yesterday.. i see it as a blessing in disguise actually.. not only has he saved me from my sin, but he saved me from my bad decisions! the rest of the day was filled with mentoring and guidance from my "mom".. we spent several hours in Panera talking about things on my heart and what God has been doing and changing in my life.. then with rest and a nap.. then with a very low-key worship filled evening with my "mom" again at the "glory revealed" concert with Mac Powell, Shane & Shane.. and other random people.. it was so great.. and as i stood there.. arms raised.. tears streaming down my face.. all i could do was thank my Father for putting me in the ER in order to get me to the concert and at His feet! He is so good...

what on earth?!

ever wonder what on earth God is doing... yeah, i'm trying to figure it out.. but trying to figure out God is like trying to figure out how many stars are actually in the galaxy.. or how many grains of sand are on the beaches of this world.. it can't be done.. because God is big.. God is unpredictable.. God is so much more than we realize, so much of the time.. we keep Him in this box that sits neatly and perfectly on our shelf.. why? because it seems safer that way.. however, God is so much more than the box we put Him in.. when will we get it? when will we realize that He is huge.. He is so far outside our minds capacity.. and He is good.. He is not safe.. but He is good.. He is unpredictable.. but He is trustworthy..

i am not sure what He is doing right now.. in my heart.. in my life.. but i must trust Him.. i must remember that He has my best interest at heart.. He has promised to complete in me what He has started.. He has promised that He will never leave me.. He will do what needs to be done.. even when it doesn't make sense and even when it may hurt.. He is working.. and i am inviting Him to do so.. as our pastor taught a few weeks ago - faith cannot be faith unless it is tested.. is this a test of my faith? a test of my trust? maybe both.. i need Him to work.. i want Him to work.. because, though, i do not like change - i want to be changed.. i do not want to be as i have been.. i do not want to stay where i am.. i do not want to miss out on what He has in store for my life.. i want my life to mean something.. to count for something.. to point others to Him.. to show Him.. how can that be done unless there is change.. unless there is trial and testing.. unless there is faith and trust and hope in my Savior???

change is scary.. whether it be change in location.. or change of heart.. but.. it is needed.. and therefore i must unfold my arms and open up to welcoming change in my life.. because i do not want to stay where i am..

bum

Currently Listening Joy By Avalon see related

just call me Iris...

i never thought my life worthy enough or exciting enough to be put on the movie screen.. yet last night as i sat in the movie theater with my momma, sister and aunt.. there it was.. my life over the past 2-3 years.. too bad it wasn't my idea because i'd be a wealthy woman right about now! :)  as i watched the screen i just sat crying my eyes out.. much like i have over the past years.. it brought back such painful and vivid memories..

her name is Iris.. the only difference is that she is from England and i am not.. other than that we were very similar- as was our story.. for 3 painful years she loved someone who did not love her in return.. not the way she wanted or deserved.. she would do whatever it took to try and be what he wanted.. helped him with whatever he needed.. would drop everything when he asked.. for what? only to see him engaged to someone else.. never treating her as the woman she was.. treating her only as something that would bring him pleasure for a short time whenever he deemed necessary..

welcome to my past 2 years..

toward the end.. she finally got up the nerve and gained enough respect for herself to stand up to him.. no longer wanting to be with someone who didn't want to be with her..

welcome to my past 6 months..

finally.. the end.. she is with someone who loves her for who she is.. he travels miles to be with her for New Years..

welcome to my life right now..

i thank God over and over again.. granted, i didn't at first.. at first i pitched a fit and blamed Him for it all falling apart.. only now do i see that He really did know what He was doing for me.. only now can i see what it is like to be in a relationship where i'm treated with respect.. only now, am i able to thank God for taking away that past relationship..

it was a wonderful movie.. difficult and painful.. but in the end - wonderful..